TLP:  Part 2 of the shortest fic I've ever written and
the third I've ever actually finished.  Golly, this is
going to turn into a bad habit.  I'd like to thank
everyone for reading and Patch for putting up with me.
 *waves*  
ENJOY!

Patch:  Minna, give TLP the credit for this fic, it
was his fic originally and I was quite honored to
co-write it with him. Thank you TLP!!! Anyhoo, enjoy
this one and umm... just enjoy!


Jungle Fever 1/2
PG
Comedy (as if it would be anything else from the above
minds...)
kittiekat90@yahoo.com
thelonepig@hotmail.com




"Usagi-chan?  Usagi-chan?  Daijobu ka?"

Usagi's eyes flittered open just as a bucket of water
found its mark across her face.  She shot up with a
start.

"See, I told you it would work," said Makoto
pleasantly.

Usagi looked angrily at Rei, who happened to be
holding a water bucket. Rei quickly hid it behind her
back.  The look of anger faded as Usagi looked at 
the sullen expressions that had come over each of her
friend's faces.

"Nani?  What's going on guys?"

"We just saw the news," spoke Ami dejectedly.  "We're
sorry for you Usagi."

"The news?" inquired Usagi, completely lost.

"Hai, about Mamoru," said Minako.

Usagi suddenly remembered the Nature special she had
seen before.  "Why that... grr... when he comes
back..."

"Usagi, the veins in your neck are about to burst,"
said Ami.

"Lighten up girl, it's not like that, I'm sure," said
Lita.

Ami produced a video tape and pressed it into the VCR.
 A picture flared up 
on the screen.

"Next time on Burning Hearts of Desire.  Miri loves
Miki, but will Miki show his love instead for Hikari? 
And what does Shana have to say about all this?  Will
Grace finally take revenge on Meredith for stealing
Peter from her?  Find out next time on--"  The sound
suddenly cut off as Ami pressed the fast-forward
button, blushing furiously.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Ah, here it is!" cried Ami, pressing the play button
and stepping aside so everyone could see.

The newscaster sat behind his desk.  "...The President
is expected to visit later today to give his comments
on the meeting."  A paper was suddenly handed to him
from off-screen.  "This just in.  Apparently a filming

crew for the television show "Nature" has been
kidnapped by the very amazons they were studying.  We
go live to our on-the-spot reporter TL Perry."

The camera switched suddenly to a silly looking
reporter holding a microphone and yelling above the
sounds of a helicoptor motor.

"We are here flying high above the scene where only
moments ago, tragedy struck."  The news anchor's voice
continued as the cameraman panned in on the scene
below.  Several men were hog-tied to poles in the
center of a make-shift village.  "It looks like, yes
it is.  The men we see below are a film crew for the
television show 'Nature.'  The military doesn't know 
how to take care of the situation, but have called for
an immediate mobilization in the area.  Now, back to
our main studio."

The camera once again found itself on the man in the
newsroom.  He coughed nervously and adjusted himself
as he spoke the words that every other male in the
room was thinking.  "What an unfortunate incident to
befall those... lucky... lucky... men."  He glanced
once more at the footage still being taken from the
helicopter, then straightened his tie and turned back
to the camera.  "In other news, police have been
called in to remove an army of girls from one Meredith
Mallory's kitchen.  The girls state that her evil 
cliffhangers have merited such a reacti--"

Ami turned off the television and looked at the others
questioningly.

"So what do we do now?" Makoto asked.

"We go there, of course!" Usagi answered. "And then I
drag Mamo-chan back by the ear and-"

"Why don't we just let the authorities handle this
Usagi-chan?" Ami cut in quickly, not liking the evil
look on her leader's face.

"No... I think I want to go there and challenge some
of those Amazons to some fights," Makoto said
excitedly, staring at the now black screen of the TV.

"And I have got to ask those girls their beauty
secrets," Minako added. "That smooth complexion...
there's got to be something behind getting such 
perfect skin," she said dreamily.

The others just looked at Minako's already perfect,
unmarred face and could only shake their heads.

"So it's settled then," Rei spoke, "we use Sailor
Teleport and do our usual saving the victims routine
then come back."

"Demo... I don't think those men wanted saving,"
Minako interrupted, looking doubtful.

"Oh, Mamo-chan *will* be wanting some kind of saving
when I'm done with him," Usagi said, her eyes
gleaming, her hands rubbing together.

The others just sweatdropped.

"Minna.. shouldn't we have told Luna and Artemis where
we were heading?"

The Senshi were traveling through the air swiftly
shielded by the powers of the Teleport.

"Nah," Makoto answered, "they'll know soon enough when
they see us on TV."

"Nani?" Ami squeaked. To be seen by millions among
such heathen as the Amazon?

"But I don't want to be seen on TV!" was the
resounding wail that was heard by anyone who happened
to be passing under the flash of light that traveled 
overhead.

They crashed through the canopy of tall trees and fell
to a heap on the jungle floor.

"Who the heck was steering that thing?" Makoto asked,
rubbing her arm where she had hit it on a jutting
limb.

"Who do you think? Our leader, the Odango Atama," Rei
answered, flipping her head in Usagi's direction.

"Shut up Rei!" Usagi shot back.

"You probably couldn't have done a better job!"

"Bet you I could have!"

"Bet not!"

"Bet too!"

"Bet not!"

"Uh... guys, what do we about these natives staring at
us?" Minako asked suddenly.

The other four Senshi turned slowly and met the faces
of six... tall... correction, very tall... as in
Makoto tall... very beautiful... Amazons.

"This was not in the plan," Usagi murmured, staring at
the sight before her.

"It's your fault," Rei said, staring also. "What do we
do now?"

Suddenly Ami stepped up, holding some sort of gadget
and it flashed an almost blinding, white light.

"Whoa, Ami-chan, what was that?!"

Minako asked, shielding her eyes.

The blue haired Senshi turned back taking off black
sunglasses, a small smile on her face. "It's a
neuralizer."

The other four stared at her, their mouths agape in
amazement.

"Where were you able to find one of those?" Usagi
questioned, finally finding her voice.

"Hey, if the Men in Black can have one, why can't the
Woman in Blue?" she said, grinning.

"Those dudes are real?" Minako asked.

"Hai, they're the American version of us," Ami
informed the group.

Makoto snorted. "But we could kick their butts
anytime."

"Um... Ami, when I saw the movie, didn't you have to
tell the person a story or something to make them
forget?" Usagi asked, waving her hand back and 
forth in front of the Amazons' now blank faces.

"Hai."

"Great." Usagi smiled evilly and then turned to the
six woman. "You six are women who have no interest in
my Mamo-chan whatsoever. You do not remember any
"breeding" festivities and you will wander the jungle
for a few days before returning to the village."

"Isn't that a bit harsh, Usagi-chan?"

Minako asked coming up to stand next to her friend.

"Serves them right."

"So, what's the plan?"

"We gag Mamo-chan and then it'll be up to me to see
fit his punishment!"

*Sweatdrop*

"Usagi-chan, you should really calm down, maybe Mamoru
didn't go *willingly*."

"What hot-blooded man wouldn't?"

This from Minako who received a glare from Rei.

"Well, it appears we will have to dress up as the
natives to fit in," Amy pointed out.

"Sugoi! Those cocunut shells will only enhance my-
mmmph!"

"We don't want to hear it, Minako-chan," Makoto said
quickly as she clapped a hand over the girl's mouth.
She looked over at the others. "So how do we 
get the stuff?"

The other three looked back at her expectantly. In
response Makoto grinned.

"Oh, hai, I guess I'll handle that part."

Minutes later, Makoto returned with a wide grin on her
face, cocunut 'tops' in one hand, and grass skirts in
the other.

"They're such easy targets," she said proudly.

Everyone sweatdropped... again.



A Chiba Mamoru stood tied to a wooden pole.  What
exactly were these beauties planning on doing with
him?  A new set of hips provocatively swayed 
in front of his eyes.  A large pair of breasts bounced
before him, barely contained in the coconut-double-D
cups.  Mamoru wailed.  "If I don't see another pair of
breasts in my life, it will be too soon!"

He glanced longingly at the table at which several
other men feasted.  "Why can't I be with them? 
Eating?"

Similarly, the men from the Nature filming crew were
wondering why they couldn't be in Mamoru's place. 
"Why can't we be in his place?  Fanservice..."  They
drooled, but not at the food.

Usagi peered from the bushes.  Her lower lip stuck out
in a pout.  "I have never gotten that close to
Mamo-chan!"

Ami gave the voice of reason to the conversation as
she shifted uncomfortably in her outfit.  "How are we
going to get him?"

"And," added Rei.  "Are we going to even bother with
those dirty old perverts at the table?"

Usagi cried.  "I just want my Mamo-chan back!"  Tears
poured in waterfalls from her eyes.

Makoto had an idea.  "Why don't we just walk in there
and get him?"

Minako blinked.  "Just go in?  Like we are now?  NO
WAY!  They'd catch us in the blink of an eye!  We
don't even compare to what they look like.  
I'm the only one that wouldn't stick out like a sore
thumb!"

"That is the dumbest idea ever!  We wouldn't stand a
chance!" hissed Rei.

"It's absolutely brilliant!" said Ami.

Everyone looked at her and blinked.

"They would never expect it.  We could walk in, take
Mamoru, and walk out without a hitch.  Just follow my
lead."  And with that, Ami was walking from the bushes
into the village.  The others followed in immediate 
single-file.

Several amazons turned to glare at the newcomers as
they marched into the camp.

"Ami, I don't think this is working," whispered Rei
quietly.

"For once, I'm going to have to agree with you Rei,"
replied Ami. "Perhaps a strategic withdrawl is in
order?"

"What are you two talking about," muttered Minako. 
"You're just not doing it right!  Here, follow my
lead."

Minako took over the lead and began dancing very, very
provocatively.  Everyone sweatdropped.  "C'mon minna,
what are you waiting for.  If you don't we may never
see Mamoru again."

Those words seemed to strike a chord in Usagi's mind,
who began to mimic Mina with all the grace of a
parapalegic tiger.  The others resigned themselves to
the same fate, dancing a very enticing congo-line to
the pole that held Mamoru.

From the feasting corner of the camp, the crew of
Nature catcalled.

"Hey baby, would you like any fries with that shake? 
Owowowowoooo!"

Usagi shot the typical males at the table a look that
only a female could muster, but managed to continue
the embarassing dance.  The amazons parted 
ways to let the motley crew step forward, some
applauding and others clicking their tongues in
support.  The appreciative atmosphere egged on the 
quintet of embarrassed females.  Rei was the first to
start lose her self-composure and began swaying wildly
to the immediate hysterics of the crowd.  The others
followed suit, first Makoto, then Usagi, and finally 
shy-little Ami.  They danced directly up to the pole
in the center of the village and surrounded it,
dancing in a circle before Mamoru.  Everytime 
Usagi passed him, she shot him a look that could kill
and muttered some bizarre way in which she would kill
him when they got home.

The drums came to a climax and the five girls danced
furiously until, throwing their arms in the air, the
music stopped.  Wild applause filled the 
whole camp.

"Now?" inquired Makoto hesitantly.

"Now," replied Ami nodding.

The five girls bent over the pole and tried to pull it
from the ground.

"If I feel your eyes wandering in the least..."
threatened Usagi. Mamoru blushed furiously and closed
his eyes.  "Mamoru, that had better be something you
have in your pocket poking me in the ribs."

Mamoru blushed even more furiously and shut his eyes
tighter muttering something under his breath
repeatedly.  "There's no place like home, there's 
no place like home, there's no place like..."

Hoisting the pole between their shoulders, the girls
began to walk out of the village the way they had
come.  The amazons were in an uproar, smiling 
and laughing at the antics these girls had created. 
The five girls waved and smiled as if on a float.

"Elbow, elbow, wrist wrist wrist," said Minako under
her breath as she waved.

The girls danced the pole and Mamoru right out of the
village and into the surrounding jungle.  The applause
continued for the exact time it took the amazons to
realize that, maybe, just maybe, these girls weren't
coming back.

The five Senshi continued to sway and dance well into
the forest, just for safety's sake until Mamoru's
voice reached their ears.

"Hey guys, mind letting me down now? This rocking is
pushing the pole against my back. It hurts!"

"You are going to be hurting so much more love, when
I'm through with *you*!" Usagi called up and slapped
her boyfriend's butt for good measure.

"Itai! Usako, what did I ever do to you?!"

The girls who had been previously snickering before
stopped dead and suddenly the forest seemed very, very
quiet, except for the sound of steam coming from
someone's ears. It was an interesting... hissing
noise.

"Minna! Let him down right now!" Usagi yelled.

The girls did as she said and let Mamoru down... with
not the slightest bit of kindness. The pole was jarred
into the ground and Mamoru found himself thinking that
deja vu was the right word for this all too familiar
situation.

Five very beautiful woman stood in front of him...
scantily clothed, their eyes gleaming with a
purpose... directed towards him.

"You dare to ask that question, Mamo-chan?" Usagi
asked menacingly.

Mamoru gulped nervously.  His girlfriend didn't look
quite pleased with him at the moment.  But he couldn't
find any reason why she should be so unhappy.  He had
done nothing wrong!

Men... so thickheaded, ne? ^_^

"Gomen ne, Usako... demo, what did I do wrong?"

Usagi's mean glare fell away and in place of it, her
lower lip began to tremble, her chin started quivering
and her eyes became watery.

"Oh Kami no, not here!" Rei sighed. She sighed even
louder when Usagi suddenly pushed past all of them and
ran deeper into the forest.

"Usako! Matte!" Mamoru tried to struggle against his
bonds but it was useless. Those Amazons knew their
knots. He turned his head to stare at the others.
"Aren't you even going to chase after her?!"

"We've got other things to worry about! The Amazons
are coming!" Minako yelled.

"Run for it!"

The girls ran and for a moment everything was silent.

Mamoru still stood stuck to the pole, his jaw wide
open at the fact that he had just been *left* there to
face... those.. women.

"Oops, forgot the goods!" Makoto pulled the pole up as
the others rushed back and helped her.

"Usagi-chan would have our heads if anything happened
to you, so be grateful!" Ami said, looking over her
shoulder and then squeaking when she 
saw the approaching Amazons. "Hurry up!"

"At least she won't be having our manhood like Tux-boy
over here," Rei said, huffing.

The sound of a helicopter ready to lift off filled the
air and as they ran into a clearing, Mamoru lifted his
head to see Usagi sitting in the pilot seat of the
news helicopter.

"How do you steer this thing?!"

Ami pushed herself up to sit next to Usagi as the
others piled into the  back, Mamoru now loosened from
his restraints.. "You don't steer, you pull!"

"Like this?" Usagi pulled the stick towards her and
the helicopter shot up at an ear popping pace.

Everyone squealed and hung on tight as Usagi tried her
best to maneuver the helicopter away from the trees.

"Okay, left, left, right, away from that tree," she
mumbled, her tongue sticking out slightly, her eyes
narrowed. She was concentrating quite hard....

... While everyone was screaming.

"Usagi-chan! Don't you dare kill us!"

"I want to survive this with all my body parts intact
Usagi-chan!"

"Please concentrate Usagi-chan!"

"Usako, I will buy you anything, just please stay
safe!"

At that one, Usagi turned her head. "Hah! You're not
buying me out of this one!"

"Usagi-chan, please keep your eyes on the... tree!" 
Ami finished, shrieking and covering her eyes.

"Shimatta! Going up!"

Finally they had cleared the jungle and were now
heading out over the sparkling, blue ocean.  Everyone
sighed with relief and sat back.

"Hey minna, how about we use our Sailor Power to get
this thing speeding along?" Makoto suggested.

"Good idea, the faster we get home, the faster I get
to have a *little* talk with Mamo-chan," Usagi grinned
evilly.

"You girls can take your time!"

But no one paid Mamoru any heed as the helicopter
suddenly began to glow and then disappeared in a shot
of light.



Hours later found Usagi sitting on the floor of the
helicopter, her legs dangling and Mamoru leaning
against it, next to her.

The others had gone home, walking away tiredly but not
before giving some sympathetic looks to Mamoru.

"Do you think they'll realize they walked home wearing
grass skirts and cocunut shells?" Mamoru wondered
outloud.

"Once the people start staring, maybe, maybe not."

After a moment of silence, Mamoru turned his head to
look at his girlfriend. Her head was bowed and she was
tracing a pattern with her fingers on the floor of the
helicopter.

"Ne, Usako, what's on your mind?"

Usako stayed quiet and then her piercing wail hit his
ears. "Your lost innocence!!"

"Nani?!"

"Your innocence Mamo-chan! It belongs to me... and...
and you just gave it away!!"

"M...m...my innocence?!" blurted out Mamoru.

Usagi cried.  "My boyfriend is dirty now!"

"Usagi, I'm fine, they didn't take anything from me."

"Really?  Promise?" Usagi asked, sniffling.

"I promise."

The couple embraced in a hug.

"Ne, Mamo-chan, you love me more than any of those
girls, right?"

"Hai, Usako... I love you more than life itself."

Usagi smiled happily as Mamoru leaned over her to give
her a most reassuring kiss. In response, she sighed
happily and kissed him back until they broke away.

Usagi glanced up longingly into her boyfriend's eyes. 
Mamoru cleared his throat and spoke lowly.  "Anou, you
could perhaps grow out a bit more..."

The resounding smack of an upset girlfriend slapping
her boyfriend filled the park.  And all around, the
locals stared, wondering exactly why there was a
helicopter parked in the park and who had hired the
exotic dancers.

The End!
So do tell us folks! Feedback is always, always nice
and um flames... well they're just not very nice. 
^_^