gomen ne minna!  patchie messed up and called the
previous set four when it was supposed to be three.  i
don't know what's up with her!  anyway, if you want to
read the rest of the 101's then you can read them off
of my site.  they aren't up yet, but should be up very
shortly.  the addy is www.envy.nu/redroseb.  enjoy!



76.  The Sacrifice  By:  Mehg
AN:  As a child I loved the book: "The Little Engine
that CouldÓ I had it memorized word for word... *sweat
drop* HereÕs my contribution to it! 

Mamoru struggled and struggled.  In the distance the
train's whistle blew incessantly.  He saw the light of
the approaching iron horse coming up around the
tunnel.  The ropes that bound Mamoru were not giving
way.  He shouted for help, but was answered with only
the steady rhythm of the fast approaching engine. 

Mamoru pulled desperately and managed to get one foot
free!  He twisted around his hands and caught the rope
even tighter around his waist.  This approach just
wasn't working.  The train grew still nearer. 

"I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" The
little engine that could chugged up the mountainside,
it had to deliver all the toys and good treats to eat
for all the good little boys and girls over the
mountain. 

Mamoru kicked his one free foot and tried to stand up.
 No good.  He had caught his foot in between the
rails.  Mamoru gave a cry of unbelief and then saw the
train. 

"Oh no!"  The little funny-faced clown yelled when he
noticed Mamoru tied to the tracks. 

The Little Engine that could shuddered then whispered,
"Sorry buddy, but I have to get this train to the good
little girls and boys of the mountain."  The train
sped up.  Mamoru's heart sank. 

"I thought I could!  I THOUGHT I COULD!"  The Little
Engine that could puffed.  When it pulled into the
station, all the good little boys and girls ran for
their precious toys and candies.  I wonder if they
would have been as joyous to receive their gifts if
they knew that the train had plowed over Mamo-chan in
order to make sure that it made it up the
mountainside. 



77.	Defective Canes  By:  Patch
AN: Always keep the warranty of these things folks,
you never know when you might need Ôem! ^_~

The Senshi were in the middle of a ferocious fight
against a youma that had decided to strike late at
night. They were calling out their various attacks but
the youma was strong and powerful. It was nowhere near
giving up.

ÒGuys, I think IÕve found its weakness,Ó Sailor
Mercury called out, tapping away on her mini-computer.
ÒWe have to aim for her belly button!Ó

ÒNani?!Ó

ÒYeah, her belly button. We have to combine our
attacks and aim for that.Ó

ÒSailor Senshi,Ó Tuxedo Kamen called out. ÒIÕll
distract the youma while you all power up.
ÒHai!Ó They all called out.

Tuxedo Kamen jumped to the ground and flipped out his
cane. But it was too short, he realized. Time to make
it longer, he thought.

Pressing an invisible button, he released the trigger
that would make his cane longer than its normal
lengthÉ 

ÒGack!Ó

... And impaled himself.

He looked down in shock to see that the cane had
elongatedÉ backwards.

Oopsies... some CEO is gonna be in *big* trouble.	

ÒDamnÉ IÕm gonna sue,Ó he managed to get out before
falling over.



78.	Drowning by Tears  By:  Patch
AN: Hey, you knew this one was coming. *Someone* had
to die as a result of UsagiÕs incessant wailing. Who
better?

The Senshi along with Tuxedo Kamen had just won
another battle against some nameless youma. High-fives
and whoops of victory were heard all around. The fight
had taken place in an abandoned warehouse and Sailor
Moon had finished off the youma in a huge, empty vat.

The Senshi began to climb out of the vat leaving
Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen to have a moment alone.

ÒA job well done Sailor Moon.Ó

ÒAw Mamo-chan you can cut it with being so formal.Ó

ÒIÕd rather be formal... Sailor Moon.Ó

Usagi frowned slightly at his answer.

ÒBut thereÕs no one around. You can call me Usako, I
have no problems with it.Ó

ÒIÕd rather not... Sailor Moon.Ó

By now the girl was quite upset. ÒStop being such a
prig Mamo-chan and call me Usako!Ó She stamped her
foot for emphasis.

ÒSailor Moon, IÕd rather do that in private.Ó

ÒNo, you just donÕt love me anymore!Ó And with that
she began to cry... and cry... and cry... and cry some
more.

Mamoru looked at his girlfriend in panic. The
waterworks had started and they usually didnÕt stop
for a long while unless someone could stop them.
ÒDonÕt cry Sailor Moon,Ó Mamoru cringed when Usagi
cried harder. ÒEr, I mean Usako. See, look, IÕm
calling you Usako. You can stop crying now.Ó

ÒNo, youÕre just calling me that to appease me!Ó Usagi
wailed, pointing an accusing finger at him. The tears
literally gushed forth from her eyes and as Mamoru
took a step forward, he realized that there was water
up to their ankles... water that hadnÕt been there
before.

ÒUsako, please stop crying.Ó

ÒDonÕt call me that!Ó Usagi moved away from him and
clambered out of the vat leaving Mamoru still standing
at the bottom. She stood at the edge, still crying,
the tears forming mini waterfall that fell from her
face.

Mamoru began to really panic when the salty water of
his girlfriendÕs tears reached his thighs. 

ÒUsako, IÕll get you anything you want if youÕll just
stop crying!Ó

ÒSo now you think you can buy me? YouÕre more horrible
than I thought,Ó and she bawled even harder.

ÒNo! No, I didnÕt mean that at all!Ó He was now
standing up to his neck in salty water. ÒUsako could
you at least help me get out of here? YouÕre crying a
bit too much and I donÕt think I can swim in here.Ó

ÒCrying is good for the soul and I will cry as much as
I want to!Ó

ÒNo, Usako stop!Ó He swallowed water and choked it
out. ÒStop, help me out of here!Ó

ÒNo, you can go ahead and drown!Ó

And that he did.



79.	Eudial a.k.a. The Sunday Driver By:  Patch
AN: And my parents say I drive like a maniac *snort*
They should watch this woman go.)

ÒOh, IÕll get those Pure Heart Crystals this time,Ó
Eudial, leader of the Witches 5, mumbled.

She grabbed the briefcase which held the latest daemon
created by Professor Tomoe. She got into her car and
slammed the door.

ÒIÕll teach those baka girls that I am a worthy
leader. How dare they talk about me behind my back.Ó
She turned on the car and revved the engine, still
mumbling under her breath.

Folks, road rage is a very bad thing. Never get into a
car when youÕre angry.  

Eudial slammed on the brakes and sped out of the
underground garage, which was almost a mile long.

Mamoru was in his favorite spot, the Juuban Park Rose
Garden. What a beautiful place, he thought, so
peaceful, so quite, so serene, so-

Birds began to screech and fly from the bushes in
front of him as MamoruÕs eyes widened in surprise.

Suddenly a car burst from the bushes and MamoruÕs eyes
bugged out and his jaw dropped open. 

ÒOh. My. Lord.Ó

All he wanted to do was to stop and smell the roses.

Eudial, meanwhile, was cursing away as she tried to
control the steering wheel.

ÒWhere are the *beep* brakes on this thing?!Ó She
pressed the accelerator accidentally and zoomed
forward not seeing the innocent bystander gawking at
the approaching car.

*Thump*

ÒDamn, mustÕve been a raccoon or something,Ó Eudial
muttered and sped away, leaving one very dead raccoonÉ
erÉ human behind.



80.	Attack of the Ferocious Kitties!  By:  Patch
AN: My cat is proof of how evil these creatures can
be. But I love her to death and still cater to her
every need :p
	
ÒThank you, Mamo-chan!Ó

ÒArigato Mamoru-san!Ó

The door slammed shut behind Usagi and her best
friend, Minako, as they sailed out of his apartment
heading for the local shopping plaza. Mamoru sighed
and shook his head as he watched the two
mini-tornadoes leave and then turned around to face
his charges for the afternoon.

ÒSo, what do you guys want to do?Ó

Three pairs of feline eyes narrowed thoughtfully as
they stared at the man in front of him. Mamoru
squirmed a bit under their gazes but let out of a sigh
of relief when Artemis finally spoke up for the three
of them. ÒWhat do you have for us to do?Ó

Mamor
u shrugged and walked into the kitchen, Artemis, Luna
and Diana following him. ÒI donÕt know,Ó he replied.
ÒI mean, I donÕt know what cats do to keep themselves
busy. I suppose I could find a ball of yarn or
something-Ó

He was interrupted by LunaÕs sniff of indignation.
ÒReally, Mamoru-san, do you really think so low of us?
We are not those base-born domestic animals that you
may think of us to be. We are intelligent creatures
that have a purpose in this life unlike our clueless
counterparts.Ó

MamoruÕs eyes were wide by the time Luna had finished
her little speech. The other two cats nodded in
agreement and then all three turned to look at him
again. He could have sworn that they were looking down
their noses at him even though he towered above them.
He stopped himself from squirming a bit more.

ÒWell,Ó Mamoru said, scratching the back of his head,
Òhow about some food? I bet you guys have eaten yet
and IÕve got some great food!Ó

The kitties broke out into their feline smiles and
looked at him approvingly. ÒWe would love that
Mamoru-sama. IÕm starved!Ó

Mamoru smiled at Diana and petted her gray head as he
walked past her from where she had perched on the
counter. Her parents quickly joined her and waited
patiently for Mamoru to bring them their food.

He rummaged through the cabinet underneath the sink as
he spoke. ÒI know I have that box here somewhere. IÕve
been prepared ever since Usako told me you guys would
be staying with me. Ah! Here it is!Ó He straightened
shaking a brown box that was labeled ÒStore Brand
Kitty Food.  The Best Ever!Ó He was so happy to have
found the cat food that he never saw the obvious hint
of coming dangerÉ the twitching of cat tails.

Oh Mamoru, couldnÕt you have spent a little more on
gourmet?

ÒIÕll just take some out of this stuff out in a bowl
and you guys can eat.Ó

Mamoru turned his back on the three slowly-fluffing-up
cats and began to fill two bowls. He never heard the
quiet footsteps of three cute kitties now turned
predatory beasts. When he turned, his eyes dropped to
the floor where three fluffed up balls of fur awaited
him. It was then that he noticed the feral, almost
wild gleam in their eyes.

ÒUh, guys?Ó

ÒYou dared to keep cat food under a common kitchen
sink?! Cat food that is store brand no less?!Ó

His eyes widened at LunaÕs hissed words. He slowly
began backing out of the kitchen, the cats following
him.

ÒKami knows what was under that sink! And I donÕt even
want to know whatÕs in that ugly brown box that claims
to contain cat food!Ó Artemis hissed.

Mamoru was now in the living room, his hands waving
wildly in front of him. ÒNow, now, no need to get
angry. ItÕs just cat food after all.Ó LunaÕs ears
flattened against her head and he realized that was
definitely the wrong thing to say.

ÒAnd you would feed this to our little baby?!Ó

Diana, realizing she had been mentioned, suddenly
blinked, her eyes losing that wild look. She stopped
where she was even as her parents continued to follow
Mamoru. ÒOkaa-san,Ó she whispered. ÒOkaa-san, IÕve
gotta go.Ó

Mamoru smiled in relief for this distraction and took
a step forward. ÒThatÕs no problem, Diana, just go out
into the balcony where thereÕs a box of sand and-
EYAAAAAH!!!Ó

ÒBalcony?! You would have us go out on the balcony?!Ó

ÒSand?! Nothing less than premium soil, you fool!Ó

The cats jumped as they spoke the words, their claws
gleaming. A little while later, a small burp was heard
and Diana blushed, before smiling her catÕs smile.

ÒMamo-meat is so much better than gourmet, donÕt you
think?Ó





81.	Death by Self-Burning  By:  Patch
AN: Medical experts have always warned us that too
much coffee is a dangerous thing. They just didnÕt
know it could be dangerous like this)

ÒMotoki, my usual please.Ó

ÒComing right up, Mamoru. Hey, we got these extra
large mugs just yesterday. TheyÕre the latest thing in
America. Want your coffee in that?Ó

ÒSure, sure.Ó Mamoru didnÕt even know what he was
agreeing to. He was too busy staring at the angel that
had just walked through the Arcade doors. The sun
glowed behind her, making her look ethereal and so
beautiful. Her golden hair shined, the long strands
wrapping around her lithe body as she turned her head
this way and that. Her smile was infectious; he found
himself smiling just by looking at the way those
luscious pink lips turned upwards. She was with four
equally beautiful girls, but he hardly took notice. He
was focused solely on her, his blonde goddess.

ÒHere ya go, Mamoru, fresh and piping hot.Ó

ÒYeah, yeah. Arigato.Ó Mamoru didnÕt even turn to look
at his best friend. His eyes were trained on the
lovely girl in front of him. He had to know her name.
And he would. He would swing down his coffee in one
manly gulp, slam the mug down and walk over to her,
charming her right down to her toes. 

He grabbed the handle of the mug, not even looking as
he brought it to his lips. In one manly swig, he
lifted the mug to swallow the black liquid. But he had
forgotten one tiny, little thing. The lip of this mug
was much, much wider. It wasnÕt the narrow one he was
used to where the coffee would go down in one smooth
motion. No, this time, when Mamoru went to chug back
the mugÕs contentsÉ he ended up chugging them into his
face. And *pop* *sizzle* went his face.

Welps, I guess we wonÕt have a chance with his blonde
goddess now.



82.	ItÕs raining cats and dogsÉ and anvils  By:  Patch
AN: When you hear that sharp whistling sound from
aboveÉ RUN!)

ÒOh no!Ó

ÒWhat is it Mercury?Ó

Sailor Mercury tapped furiously on her mini-computer
and then looked at everyone with a pale face. ÒThat
last youma we fought, it was from a world of cartoons.
When we killed it, we unintentionally destroyed the
portal it came through and now our dimensions are
mixing.Ó

Tuxedo Kamen laughed. ÒAnd how bad can that be? So we
have little, funny looking creatures running around
the place. We can easily solve that problem.Ó

Sailor Mercury looked at him doubtingly. ÒI donÕt know
about that. As a result of the dimensions falling into
each other, some of the things that we see in
cartoons, will become reality.

Tuxedo Kamen scoffed at that, powering down to his
civilian form. The rest followed. ÒAnd what would
those things be? TheyÕre all just playful gags. I
donÕt see what we have to worry about. Hey, do you all
hear that sound?Ó

Everyone looked around and then Usagi let out a
startled, ÒEep!Ó and pointed upwards. Mamoru looked up
just in time to see an anvil smash into him. 

Everyone looked down to see where a hole in the
ground, in the shape of MamoruÕs form had appeared as
Mamoru was pushed into the earth.

ÒPlayful gags?Ó Rei asked, snorting. ÒI think not.Ó

Score - Cartoons: 1       Anime: 0



83.	Backstreet Boys It WasnÕt  By:  Patch
AN: Lesson of the Day: Be sure your scalper is
creditable. Just ask Mehg ^_~)

Mamoru was feeling very special today. He was about to
surprise his girlfriend with a very *cool* gift.

They were in a concert hall that was already filled
with many people. The couple was quite lucky for
Mamoru had gotten front row seats. They were expensive
but well worth it.

ÒMamo-chan! CÕmon, tell me why weÕre here. Who are we
going to see?!Ó she asked, feeling a bit impatient.

ÒItÕs a surprise. YouÕll see soon enough.Ó

ÒOh please Mamo-chan, please, please tell me who weÕre
going to see!Ó Usagi begged, clutching her boyfriendÕs
arm.

Oh why not, he thought. Telling her still wouldnÕt be
the same as seeing it live, he reassured himself.

ÒThe Backstreet Boys,Ó he replied quietly, barely
containing his grin.

ÒNo way! Sugoi!Ó Usagi exclaimed, jumping up and down.
A few of the other concert-goers looked at them
strangely and Usagi quickly quieted down.

ÒAnd we got the best seats in the house too as you can
see,Ó Mamoru said proudly.

The words were barely out of his mouth when the lights
dimmed and the people began to cheer.

ÒThis will be so much fun!Ó Usagi squealed.

The speakers on the stage blared to life.

ÒAlright everyone, itÕs time to start this party!Ó The
audience roared in response. ÒPlease welcome to the
city of TokyoÉ Bloody Sadistic Bashers!Ó

ÒNani?!?Ó The two exclamations were loud enough to be
heard over the loudness. 

The center stage lights flashed on and the mostÉ ermÉ
interesting looking band began to perform.

Long, oily hair straggled the menÕs faces and torn,
stained clothes outfitted their bodies. Some of the
band members had white face paint on, their eyes and
mouths outlined in black giving them a gothic look.
The lead singer as he appeared to be, not only had the
white paint, his face was also graced with blood
trailing down one side. One shivered to think if the
blood was real or not. I, personally, wouldnÕt put it
pass themÉ and neither did Mamoru and Usagi.

ÒThose guys donÕt look like the Backstreet Boys,
Mamo-chan!Ó Usagi yelled.

ÒCome to think of it,Ó Mamoru added, looking around
with a perplexed expression, Òthe fans donÕt look like
the teeny-bopper types either!Ó

And sure enough, the people around them, with their
various multitudes of body piercing and mohawk hair
styles *really* did not look like the googly-eyed
teenagers that went crazy over hot, young guys.

ÒMamo-chan! What is this?!Ó

ÒI donÕt know!Ó Mamoru yelled back. ÒThe guy from the
alleyway I spoke to last night offered me BSB tickets
for quite a sum, and said they were first class
seats!Ó

ÒThey are! But for the wrong kind of band!Ó Usagi
yelled and then squeaked when people behind her began
to push and shove.

ÒWhatÕs going on?!Ó she asked MamoruÉ but he was not
standing next to her anymore as he was just a few
seconds ago. ÒMamo-chan?!Ó When she received no
answering yell she began to elbow her way out of the
hall. 

ÒFine, see if I stay and wait for you the next time we
do anything,Ó she grumbled, leaving the rowdy concert
behind.

And where was Mamoru?

Why, he was moshing. Yes, he was moshing and having
the grandest time.

ÒAAAHHHH!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!Ó

Ah yes, a grand old time.

ÒLet go of me you bakas!Ó Mamoru yelled as he traveled
over peoplesÕ heads.

And then they did let goÉ and Mamoru fellÉ under the
stomping feet of Bloody Sadistic Bashers fansÉ

Well, he did want to be let down, ne?



84.	When Lobsters Attack  By:  Patch
AN: And the pre-moral of this story, *cheesy chinese
accent* Beware of the big clipper!

"Oh Mamo-chan, I've wanted to come to this seafood
restaurant for so long, but
it's just so expensive!" Usagi exclaimed. "How ever
did you get reservations?"

"I've got connections," he replied grinning. "Now
come, the waiter will take us
to our seats."  They were led to a small table that
had quite a nice view and as
the waiter left them, he gave them each a menu.  "So
what are you in the mood
for?" Mamoru asked.

Himeko Serenity: as Usagi: "just you and some good
good loving!"
Himeko Serenity: oy... umm... LOL
patchkhan1: LOL
patchkhan1: HMMM what's on mehg's mind today?
Himeko Serenity: ROFL
Himeko Serenity: that just had to be said...
patchkhan1: lol, yaaah sure

"Hmm... the lobster sounds good. I think I'll have
that." Usagi answered.

"Well, I guess I'll be having that too." He motioned
for the waiter to take their order.

"Ah, will the Monsieur like to pick the lobster for
the lady and himself?" the waiter asked after Mamoru
gave him the order. "It is one of the restaurant's
special features."

"Go for it Mamo-chan!"  Usagi said excitedly.

"Well okay," Mamoru answered, wanting to impress his
girlfriend more than anything else. He sauntered over
to the lobster tank and gingerly put his hand in.
Carefully he grabbed one from its back and then turned
his head to grin at his girlfriend.  This was so easy,
he thought, his *macho-ness* taking over.
Famous last thoughts.  His grin suddenly fell away
when something pinched his arm. "Nani??" He looked
down to see that another lobster had grabbed onto his
arm. Probably a comrade of the soon to be boiled one. 
"Hey! These things are supposed to be clipped!" Mamoru
yelled. He quickly put his other arm in to get the
second one off. Our Mamoru is *so* not bright today...
Before he could blink an eye, it seemed as though the
whole population of the lobster tank had latched on to
his poor arms and as the public looked on in horror,
Mamoru began to scream.  "Itai!!!!" He pulled his arms
out of the tank and waved them in the air, lobsters
flying everywhere.  "Itai!!!" He spun around, lobsters
still clinging to him and he quickly careened out of
the restaurant. All too soon a huge *SPLASH!* was
heard and everyone rushed to the window.  All they saw
were a few air bubbles popping at the surface and
nothing more.

"Kuso!" Usagi whined. "Now what am I going to eat? He
took all the lobsters with him!"

The End.



85.	Lethal Paper Cuts  By:  Patch
AN: Those things are painful dammit! How come they
hurt more than a stab wound? O.o;;)

Mamoru was bored out of his mind. He was sitting in
his afternoon physics class, a class he ordinarily
loved but on a day like today he wanted to be anywhere
else but here. The professorÕs teacher assistant was
lecturing today and the poor man with his owlish
glasses and dark three-piece suit just did not know
how to teach. For cripesÕ sake, even he, only a second
year college student could do a better job than this
guy.

But it was not to be and Mamoru sighed, feeling
lethargic to his very core. A blank piece of paper lay
in front of him, a first. He didnÕt even have the
motivation to take notes! The drone of an airplane
high in the sky interrupted his reverie. A light bulb
flashed in his mind. Maybe he wasnÕt inspired to take
diligent notes, but he was inspired to makeÉ paper
airplanes!

A chuckle of pure glee escaped him and he quickly
coughed and straightened his expression when the
professor shot him a disapproving glare. Oh, let the
fun begin, he thought happily as he set about to
folding the paper.
He brought one side to the middle and pressed down to
make the fold. He brought the other side down but when
he slid his finger along the edge, his little skin
cells could not handle the sharpness of the paper and
they were cut open.

Mamoru winced at the quick pain and stuck his finger
in his mouth. How he hated these annoying cuts. But he
would not be deterred from his paper plane making.
Using the first finger on his other hand he attempted
to make that fold. But that paper was sharp!

Frowning, Mamoru stuck that finger into his mouth. He
glared at the paper, willing it to fold by itself. He
would have his paper airplane dammit! 

But after using the remaining six fingers and both of
his thumbs, the paper plane still lay uncompleted
before him. He now had paper cuts on all of his
digits. He would be left smarting for the rest of the
day. But he still wanted his paper airplane! 

How to fold the paper now? Ah well, that was simple.
He lay his two hands down on the desk and pressed the
paper, sliding his hands down the edges, from the
middle outward.

A startled ÒEEP!Ó interrupted the teacher assistant
and students turned to see the source. There was
Mamoru, looking at his hands with a horrified
expression. The poor man had just slit his wrists and
quickly bled to death.

Darn those evil paper cuts!



86.  Rei reacts DIFFERENTLY to Usagi being Moon
Princess  By:  QS

"My love... my princess," Tuxedo Kamen, also known as
Chiba Mamoru and the recently discovered Prince
Endymion, whispered to Princess Serenity.

Behind them Sailor Mars turned bright red.   "You
two-timer!" she yelled angrily.   "Fire SOUL!"

"Sailor Mars!" the other three Senshi proclaimed in
horror, but it was two late.   They had one VERY fried
prince on the floor, and Zoicite hadn't been the one
to barbecue him.

Mars tossed her long black hair over her shoulders.  
"No one cheats on me and lives to speak of it," she
said, stalking out of the room.



87.  Cheaters Never Win  By:  QS

One of Mamoru's favorite things was sneaking kisses on
Usagi in public.  This proved to be the cause of his
death.

Usagi was giggling and licking an ice cream cone,
laughing as he planted a kiss on her nose, bending
down low.

It's always fun to try to identify people from behind.
  Most of the time, we have about 50/50 odds-
this time the odds were NOT in Mamoru's favor.

"HOW DARE YOU, SAFFIR!" a voice came shrilly, and
before either of the two young lovers knew what was
happening, Mamoru was getting fried by a Dark
Lightning attack.
Usagi EEPED and jumped back.   "What are you doing to
my boyfriend?" she demanded of the Uncanny Sister who
stood, ready to fry the blonde.

"I'm KILLING him for being unfaithful!   I'll teach
Saf-" Petz started to rant, then paused as she got a
good look at her victim.   "Oops.   That's not
Saffir," she said, putting her hand behind her head
with embarrassment.   "My mistake.  Sorry about that."

With that, she teleported back to the Mother Ship.

88. Mistaken Identity  By:  QS

"It was an honest mistake, Usagi-chan!"

Usagi looked up from teary eyes, trying to decide if
she was going to give Minako a little taste of exactly
what a "Moon Spiral Heart Attack" did first-hand.  

"Now tell me exactly WHY you have your hair done up
like that?" she demanded.

The other girls looked nervous, but stayed out of the
conversation.

"Well, you know how my hair looked when I pretended to
be you, right?   Well, Luna said that if Kaolinite
would have been more observant, she would have noticed
how my ponytails were curly- it's not MY fault I have
curly hai!    I think it looked better that way-"

"Minako, you're walking a VERY thin line here.  Stop
getting side-tracked and tell me what happened!"
Usagi demanded.

"Well, anyway, Luna said that I should practice on
looking more like you.   So I did the hair up, and I
guess I forgot about it when I went to the arcade. 
Anyway, I felt someone grab me from behind, and start
to nibble at my neck . . . What was I suppose to
think?   I mean, getting grabbed from behind?   I
thought it was a daimon!  Before I could think, I
transformed into Sailor Venus and launched my Love-Me
Chain through his chest.   By the time I realized my
mistake, it was too late.  Didn't know humans had so
much blood in them...."

"WAHHHHHHH!" Usagi wailed.

"Oh, it's not that big a deal- if you wait, he'll come
back.   He always does," Minako said soothingly.



89.  QS-Mind wash too many times-write something
really snotty if she doesnÕt get it in!  Mehg mad >_<

Gomen ne, demo QS was *supposed* to write this, but
she never did.  Ask her where the story is!



90.  Millions of Bishonen, Bishonen for me . . .
Millions of Bishonen, Bishonen for free  By:  QS
AN: ^^;;  No comment.  ::runs off to grab
peach-chans::

"I'm better looking!"

"No, *I* am!"

"Your Okaa-"

*indignant gasp!*  "Up my--"

Haruka snickered, "What?  Your ugly nose?  Your mirror
would crack at the sight of you!"

Mamoru shot her a death glare fit for a reincarnation
of Metallia.  

"Well, at least I AM a bishonen!"

"A little flowery to be a bishonen, NE?  At least *I*
don't go around throwing roses at the random youma!"

"Hey HEY!  Where do *your* rose petals come from when
you magically appear at the scene of the battle? 
Bishonen or Bishoujo?  If there was a mid-category,
you'd fit *right* in there!"

"Would NOT!"

"Would TO!"

An outraged expression plastered itself on Haruka's
face, marring the masculine features into something
more feminine.  "You know, I actually feel sorry for
Odango Atama," she seethed, climbing onto her
motorcycle.  Yes, a ride would clear her mind. 
Indeed, it would.  "*Besides*," she continued
scathingly, "*My* motorcycle driving is FAR better
than *yours*."

"It is NOT!"

"Wanna bet?"  She challenged, eyes glinting
dangerously.  "I don't care *what* you say.  I still
say that I'm the best bishonen!  I've got the classic
effeminate look.  It's essential for every TRUE
bishonen!" Mamoru turned flatly at her, "That's
because you *are* female.  Besides, who says *you're*
the best bishonen?  Got proof?"  Split second pause. 
"I thought so!"  He scoffed, throwing his nose into
the air.
"Even your fanclubs says I'm the better than you are,
so shut up!"  She started the motor, listening it roar
loudly.

"What?  Ack!  Betrayal!"  Mamoru looked shocked. 
Haruka grinned devilishly, welcoming his surprised
expression.  "Well, at least I don't have to cross
dress to be a bishonen!"  Mamoru announced
triumphantly, armshooting into the air in a purely
victorious gesture.

*KAPOW!*

"Ingrate," Haruka muttered at a very still Chiba
Mamoru.



91.	ItÕs a Bird! ItÕs a Plane! No, itÕs MamoruÕs
Physics Textbook!  By:  Patch
AN: IÕve opened up one of these college texts and can
I tell you? You close the book and end up looking like
this: @_@)

Mamoru stood in front of his bookshelf, looking
through all the volumes of scientific texts he had. He
could spend hours just doing this. No disruptions,
interruptions, distractions and anything else ending
in -tion. After unconsciously looking around, he
picked out one fat book and opened it. Closing his
eyes, he breathed in deeply feeling completely
blissful. Science was his passion but PhysicsÉ Physics
was his secret lover. He thumbed through the book in
his hand feeling completely at ease with seeing all
the complex formulas and equations. 
After a while, he finally put the book back and looked
through the shelves again. Suddenly there was a
rumbling noise. Everything began moving all at once,
rocking back and forth violently. The pottery
decorations on top of the shelf began falling and he
ducked from side to side to avoid them. Books began to
fall from the shelf and Mamoru kept diving sideways.

Gee, did he ever think to actually move *away* from
the bookshelf?

But no, his mind was still in a fuzzy, pleasurable
haze from the interlude with that textbook. 

My Tuxedo Kamen abilities will help me avoid these
falling books, he thought triumphantly as he kept
dodging. But suddenly the Earth heaved beneath him and
belatedly he watch the bookshelf fall on him. But did
he even step backwards to move?

Nope.

He just watched and as his eyes widened, the last
thing he saw was the spine of his favorite Physics
textbook, ÒNewtonÕs Laws of Interspatial Gravity and
ForceÓ coming down on him. 

How fitting. To die with his secret lover. Life is
ironic, no?



92.  Why Usagi Should Not Drive  By:  Lazuli

Mamoru tried to look less nervous as Usagi bounced up
and down in her seat. He hoped that everything would
go okay. He knew it would. He had confidence in his
Usako--didn't he?

"Mammmmooo-chan! Why are you strapped in with extra
buckles?  Don't you trust me?" Usagi's eyes filled up
with tears and Mamoru hastily removed the crash helmet
and unbuckled a few of the straps that held him firmly
to the seat so that he could hug her.

"Of course I do, Usako!" Usagi's face turned into a
sunny smile and she slammed on the gas pedal, nearly
taking off Mamoru's arms as she sped forward. 	

"Usako! Slow down! That's a dog in the middle of the
road!" Mamoru closed his eyes in fear as Usagi made
some wide turns, scattering pedestrians everywhere.

"Mamo-chan! Look! I'm driving!" When Usagi realized
that Mamoru wasn't responding she looked over at him,
to find him pale and gripping the seat, almost looking
like he was praying.

Usagi's eyes narrowed, and she reached out to smack
him. "Mamoo-chan you're so mean!" She wailed, giving
him a good solid wack on the arm, not realizing  that
the door on his side was unlocked, sending him flying
out the door, the straps only holding him in enough so
that he didn't fly out. Instead it stretched out and
held him under the wheels. 

*WHOMP* Usagi kept her eyes on the road like her
Mamo-chan told her to do. "This is easy! I'm having
fun now, Mamo-chan!" There was a snapping sound, and
then another whomping sound. Usagi parked the car
along the side of  the road, wondering what animal she
hit. She didn't see anything, and mentally shrugged.
She walked back into her house, forgetting all about
Mamo-chan.





92.	Tuxedo Kamen, LeapingÉ erÉ Falling to the Rescue! 
By:  Patch
AN: He could have been sensible man, and lived on the
1st floor of the complex. But nooo, he wanted to be
dashing and daring and *leap* from balconies)

Mamoru grabbed his head as it began to pound, a signal
that Usagi had transformed into Sailor Moon. Standing
in his living room, he let the pain subside before he
pulled out a beautiful blood red rose.

ÒIÕm coming, Usako!Ó he called out before allowing the
transformation to change him. He felt the power, the
energy, and the rush that would have brought any mere
human down to his/her knees. But he was not just
anybody. He was Chiba Mamoru. Prince Endymion in the
past. Neo-King Endymion in the future. The power of
the Earth was his and his alone to control. He was
undefeatable in the face of any youma. He could take
on all of his enemies and he would.

In but another moment, where Mamoru once stood, now
stood the dashing figure of Tuxedo Kamen, heartthrob
of countless girls (and countless SMRFF members). He
was such a sexy thingÉ and he knew it.

Running towards the open balcony doors, he grinned to
himself, knowing tonight would be a short night
indeed. He could just feel it. The attacking youma was
probably a very weak thing.

Rushing toward the balcony railing, he prepared to
leap and did so, ready to feel the rush of air as he
soared up and into the night. ButÉ he wasnÕt going to
be flying upwards tonight. Just as he thought he could
touch the stars, Tuxedo KamenÕs foot got caught right
at the intricate carving of the railing and instead of
jumping upwards, the poor man plummeted downwards.
Right down to cool pavement where he made a nice
*SPLAT* sound. Yes indeed, it was most definitely a
short night.



93.	Mauled by those Insufferable Teenyboppers  By: 
Patch
AN: Warning, if you are a teenybopper, be rest assured
that Patch will hunt you out and stalk you for the
rest of your irksome little life.

Mamoru was shopping in the mall on a particular
afternoon looking for a gift for his girlfriend. He
was innocently strolling along, for the most part
window shopping when suddenly an obnoxious, annoyingly
piercing shriek rent the air.

ÒOHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! ITÕS HIM ITÕS HIM!!!Ó

Mamoru whirled around, in fighting stance, ready to
battle a deadly youma and found himself totally
confused when he saw about a dozen skinny girls
running towards him at full speed. From what he could
see, they were wearing skimpy clothes, too much
make-up and a lot of glitter. Were they little girls
or mini-tramps? The question has yet to be answered. 

They were probably running from the youma, he thought,
beginning to run towards them in an effort to save
them. Stupid idea.

ÒItÕs alright!Ó He yelled, ÒJust stay calm-Ó

Shrieks of delight interrupted his words as he
suddenly found himself mobbed by these girls. They
touched him, groped him, and kissed him and OW! One
just bit him! 

ÒWhat the hell?!Ó

One particular girl latched onto his arm, tears
trailing down her face, bouncing up and down. ÒItÕs
you! ItÕs you! ItÕs really you!Ó She cried,
continuously jumping up and down. In another second
she had fainted from hyperventilation. Mamoru gasped
and bent down to help the girl but someone pulled at
him and he was forced to straighten and see who was
doing the pulling.

ÒOh my god! HeÕs wearing his green jacket!Ó

A chorus of shrieks and screams followed that
statement and all of a sudden the girls began ripping
off pieces of his jacket. But they didnÕt stop there.
These teenyboppers all wanted a piece of our Mamoru.
So they did. And each was able to take some part of
Mamoru home, whether it be clothing, flesh or organ. 



94.  The Better Man  By:  Mehg
AN: How many superheroes could one town need?

ÒLook out Sailor Moon!Ó Sailor Mars shrieked, but just
then annoying music infiltrated the scene.  ÒDa na na
na na na Batman!  Batman!  Batman!Ó  

ÒIÕve got you Sailor Moon!Ó  The bat shouted, as he
shot a bat-clamp into the building above him.  The two
heroes flew up the building.  

ÒArigatou.Ó Sailor Moon said, very confused.  ÒDemo-
WhereÕs Tuxedo Kamen-sama.Ó

ÒIÕm here Sailor Moon.  Back off Cape-boy.  This is my
domain.Ó  

ÒGotham is crime-free.  Tokyo seemed to need some help
from a real man- with REAL weapons.  Not some girly
flowers.Ó Batman sneered.  Then he brought his car
around.  

ÒSUGOI!Ó  Sailor Moon cried, ÒIs that YOUR car?Ó  

ÒYes.Ó Batman executed with a smooth pick-up, ÒWould
you like to go for a drive?Ó 

ÒHAI!Ó  Sailor Moon giggled clapping her hands.

ÒUsako- Oy!  Usako!Ó  The dismayed Tuxedo Kamen
yelled.  

ÒGomen Mamo-chan, demo- look at this guyÕs car!Ó  Then
with a wicked grin she jumped into the bat-mobile and
sped away with Batman.

Tuxedo Kamen was heartbroken.  ÒUSAKO!Ó He screamed
then leapt from the top of the balcony.  The senshi
scattered as TK came hurtling towards them, then
grimaced when they saw the mess that theyÕd have to
clean up.  

ÒDoesnÕt take rejection well eh Mars?Ó  Jupiter
chuckled.  Mercury shot her a cool glare and handed
her a mop.  Sighing the senshi got to work, mopping up
what was left of Mamo-chan.



95.	 The Circle of Life . . . Gone Wrong  By:  Redrose
AN: All Usagi wanted was to spend time with her
Mamo-chan, it didnÕt matter where they went but to
Mamoru it meant the world.  Perhaps he should have
taken his own advice, and planned better, and not
allowed himself to get so distracted

Paris, London, The Swiss Alps, Hawaii, Little Bed and
Breakfast in New England, Niagara FallsÉ The
possibilities was endless.

He sighed and glanced around the room.  Piles from
these and many other places were scattered about
MamoruÕs normally impeccably tidy apartment.  It was
exactly two weeks before the *BIG* night.  And our
hero discovered he had forgotten one minor detail.

ÒWhere are you going?Ó MotokiÕs question rang through
his ears.

It was a simple question really, one which he should
have the answer for considering how perfect he wanted
everything to go.  But all Mamoru could do was gape at
his best friend before the realization hit him like a
stampede of elephants.   Without a second glance,
Mamoru dashed out of the arcade and into his sleek
BMW.  He sped down the street leaving a trail of dust
behind him it didnÕtÕ matter since he was a man on a
missionÉ A mission that was supposed to have been
completed weeks ago.

Mamoru sighed again.  This was not working out too
well, every place he called was booked.  And he was
rapidly getting nowhere.

Gray.

That was the color that caught his attention Mamoru
reached out and grabbed the pamphlet.  His eyes lit up
and his mouth twitched upwards his Usako had always
wanted to sleep under the stars.

Two weeks laterÉ

ÒOh Mamo-chanÉ look!Ó Usagi squealed with delight as
she pointed to a monkey in a tree in the Serengeti
Reservation.  Mamoru merely nodded and smiled, not
fully comprehending what his wife was so excited
about.

You could say that his mind was somewhere else. 
Perhaps he was thinking about the evening ahead of
them.  

ÒTheyÕre so kawaii ne?Ó

ÒHai, Usako.Ó

Maybe it was the heat from the blazing sun or maybe
the heated lower regions; that caused MamoruÕs daze. 
It didnÕtÕ matter since, instead of Usagi daydreaming
about Mamoru it was Mamoru daydreaming about Usagi. 
So it was easy to see how distracted Mamoru got, and
how distracted he got from the rest of the Safari
group.

He had wandered to the edge of a cliff which was
overlooking a great canyon.  Mamoru tripped on a rock
and rolled down the hill, bouncing off boulders as he
made his descent down.  ÒITAI!Ó he exclaimed, as he
grabbed his head.

All of a sudden he felt the ground beneath him begin
to quake.  Mamoru sat upright as his eyes scanned the
horizon.  All he saw was the sand blowing towards him
cloaking whatever was behind it.  Mamoru realized too
late that it was a stampede of elephants.  Suddenly he
knew how Mufasa felt.






96.	The Rose Suitor Series

The Rose Suitor -If TLP Won!
AN: *TLP walks in and cues funny music*  IÕm sure many
of you will recognize this song ^_____^  *Ultimate
Destiny Apocalypse begins playing, (from Utena)* May
the duel begin! 

ÒI challenge you for the rose suitor!Ó the words rang
through LazÕs head, as she walked the never ending
escalator to the dueling grounds that mysteriously
hovered in the air above a spooky forest.  Laz scoffed
at the silly look given to her by the piggy that had
been trying so hard to be serious.  She couldnÕt help
but laugh at dueling with a piggy-a male piggy at
that-for Mamoru, the rose suitor.  Nevertheless she
had to accept the challenge or risk loosing her place
with the duelists.  As she finds herself stepping into
the dueling arena, LazÕs thoughts are brought to the
present.  Standing before her is a pink butterball of
a pig, his tail curled just enough that he couldnÕt
wag it.  One ear drooped over an eye, as he held the
sword our before him, a white rose hung from his coat.
 

*transformation scene edited, because I donÕt want to
write one* 

*cues more freaky music sung by a childrenÕs choir and
an opera reject* 
Suddenly a car comes out from nowhere and begins
driving around in circles, both the duelists
sweat-drop.  TLP signals Laz for a truce, who accepts.
 Pulling a banana from nowhere, TLP swallows it whole
and then pulls the peel from his big mouth.  He waits
for just a minute before throwing the peel just in
front of the carÕs path.  The car hits the banana peel
and loses control, careening forwards and backwards
and sideways before breaking a side railing and
plummeting to the ground below,

The two duelists and Mamoru step over the edge and
look down into the mists below.  TLP looks into the
abyss.  His gaze swings from Mamoru, who is standing
right next to him, looking into the abyss.  TLPÕs eyes
shift back to the abyss and he waits for a sound from
the car hitting the ground.  None yet.  His eyes go
back to Mamoru.  The abyss.  Mamoru.  Abyss.  Mamoru.
Abyss.

Push.

TLPÕs grin couldnÕt have been wider as he left the
dueling arena.  He hadnÕt won the battle, but the war
was finally over.  TLP-1.  Mamoru-dead.  That would be
the end of the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse.  

WHAT?!?  TLP looks at the SMRFF list No bashing hereÉ
I just pushed him ^(=)^



The Rose Suitor- If QS won! 

"You are so WEAK!"

"Itai! Onegai, sama, I beg of you, no more!"

The Queen of the Dark Moon's eyes blazed with fury.
"You're telling me that you can't handle 24 hours of
Pixy Misa? I don't know how you ever managed to become
the main bishonen. Everyone knows that Saffir could
survive."

Mamoru hung his head in shame, suspended from the wall
in thick chains. Parading around in the robes of
Nehelenia, Quicksilver stared deep into the prized
bishounen's eyes. "You know, with the snap of my
fingers, I could have you thrown into a lemon with
Beryl. And I wouldn't hold back on anything either."

His eyes widened in fear. "Oh, please no..."

Quicksilver pressed a button and suddenly appeared in
a red uniform, tightly pulled back hair and thin
rimmed glasses. "Now, are you ready to listen?"

Mamoru blinked. "Who are you now?"

Her eyes narrowed. "That is no way to speak to a lady!
I'll have you trampled beneath one of those foolish
boys' gundam... then we'll see how well you'll obey."

"I don't have the slightest clue--"

"Shut up while I'm talking!" She pressed another
button and transformed into the clothing of a Black
Moon family member. As she turned back to Mamoru, he
looked ready to scream. "What ever you do, just don't
start laughing."

Quicksilver flicked a strand of green hair away from
her face, bringing the bright pink fan up to her
mouth. "What, you mean like this? O HO HO HO HO HO!"
she cackled, sounding much like a hyena.
Mamoru tried to bring his hands to his ears but they
were shackled tightly to the wall.

Using this to her advantage, Quicksilver strolled over
to Mamoru, caressing his face with her feathery fan.
"I never could figure out why the baka Neo-Queen found
you so attractive... but I suppose you'll have to do
for now."

Mamoru screamed, his entire body writhing in pain.
Then he went limp, much to QS a la Esmaraude's
surprise.

"Such a pity... thank heaven that's over. Oh,
Saffir-kuuuuuuuuuun!"



Mehg's slave
AN:  *giggles* I promise Mehg isn't this mean at all!!

It was a dark and stormy night when Mehg made her evil
decision.  The  ecision to capture the elusive
Usagi-owned Mamo-chan.  It was not as hard as one
might think... quick blow to the head, drag him back
to her house.  And wait for him to wake up...

"Uhhhh..."

"Mamo-chan?"

"Hey!  You're not Usako!"

"Ohhh, smart one." said Mehg, walking over to where
Mamo-chan had lept up.

"EEp!  Who are you?"

"I'm Mehg, your new owner."

"My what?  Hold up..." said Mamoru, backing away.

"Guess what!?" she squealed happily, "You have the
honor of being MY slave!!"

"Umm, and how did I get such a honor?" he gulped.

"I captured you!  Now, slave, go do...something
romantic!"

"Sorry, I only do romantic stuff for Usagi."

"Whyyyyy?  You're mine now!  Give me a rose!" said
Mehg, holding out her hand.

"No." he said, turning away.

"Please?" begged Mehg.

"No.  No way.  No how.  Now give me back to Usako."

"Fine." said Mehg.  A moment of silence followed until
Mamoru filled it.

"Well?  Let me out of this house."

"Mwhahah!  If I can't have you, no one can!" cried
Mehg, taking out her earring and racing towards
Mamo-chan.  He tried to run away, but it was just too
late.  With a swift blow in the chest, Mehg's earring
pierced Mamoru's very heart. Cackling evilly, Mehg sat
down on the floor and put her earring back in.

"Now no one will have him!" she chirped.



The Rose Suitor -If Shana won... 
AN: Let's all think back to the night that Laz and
Baka were bored and started up this quickly dead
topic... A fight for the Rose Suitor... who would get
to have Mamo as their slave?  And what would Shana do
if she were to win him? 

"C'mon Mamoru.  I won you fair and square. You're my
slave now!" 

Mamoru pouted.  "Shana... I do not want to go
club-hopping with you!" 

"Mamoru... you're my slave.  You have to do whatever I
say."  Mamoru sighed and then began getting ready. 
"That's a good slave."  She patted him on the head and
then ran to get ready herself. 

When they were ready they called a Taxi and drove
downtown.  They entered the club and Mamoru was
shocked to see that the couples were all men. 

"Umm..." 

"Over here Mamoru-" Shana waved calling him over to
one of the tables. Mamoru walked over and caught sight
of someone he never wanted to see again.  It was
Fisheye.  "This is my friend."  Shana said introducing
Mamoru to Fisheye.  Mamoru shuddered and sat down next
to Shana.  Shana kept on introducing people.  "And
this is Zoicite, and Kunzite-" She paused and took a
sip from her drink.  

"Mamoru?  Come and dance with me." 

Mamoru stood up and began dancing with her.  Shana
felt a tap on her shoulder.  "May I cut in?" 

"Sure."  Shana backed up and Zoicite took over. 
Mamoru felt sick. 

Zoicite started up the conversation.  "It sure is nice
to see you again Cape Boy.  Man did I ever miss you-Ó
Mamoru pushed himself away and found himself in
Kunzite's arms. 

"Endymion-sama.  How have you been?  You look
ravishing as always-" 

Mamoru gave a look of fright and was passed on to
another man's arms.  Fisheye looked at him with love
in his eyes.  "Mamoru-chan... I missed you."  He lent
in for a kiss but Mamoru roughly jumped out of his
arms... and right into another man's. 

"Hey there cute stuff!" 

Mamoru went through a night of terror, after the last
"Hey Big Boy!" of the evening.  He was beginning to
feel like he fit in. 

The club opened up a rousing game of strip poker, and
that was when Usagi found them.  ÒMAMO-CHAN!Ó  She
shrieked.  

Mamoru, clad only in his boxers stood up trying to
explain, ÒIt isnÕt how it looks Usako-Ò

ÒOh yes it is.Ó Fisheye said, hugging Mamo-chan from
behind.  ÒYouÕre mine now Mamoru.Ó

Usagi screamed in outrage then spun on her heel and
marched out of the club.   Mamoru tried to go after
her, but he was detained.  Usagi liberally doused the
building with gasoline, and blocked every exit.  ÒIf I
donÕt have Mamo-chan, no one will.Ó  Her eyes glinted
then she tossed the match down on the trail of
gasoline, leading to the building.  ÒBWAHAHAHAH!Ó  She
rejoiced as she listened to the screams of the doomed
men inside.  Mamoru shouldnÕt have messed with a
jealous lover.  Sometimes, they tend to snap!



The Rose Suitor -If Patch won 
AN: *giggles* No offense to Jo-Bob or Patch (the neko)


"Lookie Mamo-chan! Here's our room!" Patch exclaimed
opening the door. Mamoru sweat dropped as he examined
the girl's room. 

"Anou- where's MY room?" 

Patch bounced into the room and flipped on her
computer. "Right here silly. Now go ahead and make
yourself comfy." 

Mamoru sunk down onto the floor and drew little
circles in the carpet with his fingers. Patch: the
neko yawned and opened her eyes. Stretching she jumped
down off of the bed and padded over towards the
strange newcomer. Sniffing him with airs she meowed a
little and then flaunted away and jumped back onto the
bed. 

Patch turned around from her AIM conversation with her
mascot Jo-Bob and smiled. "See Patch likes you
Mamo-chan!" she cooed sweetly glancing from her neko
to HER bishounen. Mamoru sweat dropped as he fixed his
gaze on Patch, who was now furiously engaged in
licking her butt. 

Just then a "Hyuck hyuck." came from the doorway and
Jo-Bob walked in. 

Patch jumped up and hissed at the newcomer. The other
Patch smiled and then pointed to Mamo-chan. 

"See I told ya!" 

"Hyuck hyuck." 

Her smile growing even wider she pointed to Mamoru.
"Mamo-chan! You remember the rules! You get to do my
laundry-" 'and so much more...' "So..." pointing to
the basket by the door. "There it is!" 

Mamoru groaned and fixed Patch with a puzzled look.
Smiling innocently she waited. He sighed and then
hefted the laundry basket up. Surprisingly it weighed
a ton. 

"Hyuck hyuck." 

"Hmm? Oh yeah! Mamo-chan the laundry room's
downstairs." Mamoru nodded but his face was concealed
behind the mountain of clothing. 

Taking a few steps down the stairs, Mamoru's foot
encountered a roller skate! Slipping and throwing the
laundry upwards he fell flat on his back. The clothing
fell in all directions and then the misplaced bowling
ball came falling down towards Mamo-chan's head. He
watched in horror as it doomed closer and closer...
and then he couldn't watch anymore. 

Hearing a thud Patch ran towards the stairs and
noticed her laundry in disarray. Then she saw Mamoru.
Screaming she jumped over him and saw the bowling
ball. 'So that's where I left it...' she mused.
"Jo-Bob! Wanna go shopping?" 

"Hyuck hyuck!" 



Becomes Miri's Slave
AN: Where would we authors be w/o Miri's bouncy
cheerfulness? Where would Mamoru be??

The swishing of pom poms filled the air.

"Alright Mamoru, you're my slave and I say you have to
do a cartwheel!"

Mamoru looked aghast at the cheery girl holding pinky
pink pom poms. She wore a light pink shirt with
"Official SMRFF" on the front and "Ego Booster" on the
back. Most interesting.

"Must I?"

"You must," Miri replied with a pout. "Now be a good
boy and," she made a circular motion with her finger
and smiled.

Mamoru sighed heavily and then leaned his body to the
right and accomplished a cartwheel.

"Good! Good!" Miri exclaimed, bouncing up and down
with her pom poms. "Again! Again!"

Mamoru shook his head and took a deep breath.

"Wait!" Her yell made him stop and turn around with a
questioned look.

"You have to do it with these!" she yelled running up
to him.

The next thing Mamoru knew, he was holding his very
own set of pom poms. How special he felt.

"Now cartwheel baby!"

Mamoru looked down once, shook his head, looked down
again, sighed and then went to it.

The pom poms touched the floor as he turned and Miri's
eyes sparkled with excitement as her mouth opened in a
big smile.

And then that very mouth dropped open and her eyes
went wide as Mamoru's pop poms slipped on the recently
waxed wooden floor.

A resounding crack of someone's neck breaking filled
the room and it was immediately followed by a quite
prominent smack... the sound of one very male body
hitting against the floor... never to get up again.

"Oh crud," Miri pouted, "I just knew those people had
buffed the floor too well." She remained silent and
then jumped up happily in the next moment.

"Oh well, I guess I'll just have to make it up by
reading lots and lots of WAFFy fics. I'm sure Usagi
won't miss him too much."

And with that Miri flounced off, her pom poms swishing
and her lips mouthing some cheerleading rant.



The Rose Suitor -If Ely Won!

ÒOh god, tell me I just did not seeÉÓ

TLP nodded sadly. ÒYup, Chibi-Usa just walked by.Ó

Ely screeched in rage. ÒI canÕt take it anymore! I
canÕt take any more of that pink headed spore! That
evil miscreant must DIE!!Ó She stomped to her  closet
and pulled out a devilish looking mallet. If one
looked closely enough, they could see the crusted
blood around the blunt edges.

ÒI will now stalk that creature and make this world a
better place.Ó

Just as Ely was about to open her door, TLPÕs voice
stopped her. His smile was crafty and almost
malicious. ÒYou know, Ely, if you really want to get
rid of the problem, you always go to the source.Ó

ÒYeah, so?Ó

ÒWell, Chibi-Usa is the problemÉ whatÕs the source?Ó

The realization dawned upon Ely quite quickly.
ÒMamo-chan. DemoÉ I canÕt kill off one of the hottest
bishies around. ThatÕs justÉ inhuman.Ó

ÒWell, he isnÕt exactly human.Ó  TLP grinned.  Ely
returned the grin with devilish amusement and
brandishing her mallet stalked off down the street.  

ÒOH MAMO-CHANÉÓ She sang out, ÒMaaamooo-chanÉ come to
your mistress!Ó she commanded raising the mallet. 
Mamoru appeared in front of her.

ÒHai?Ó He gulped.  

*BAM*  

With one large thwack on the noggin Mamo-chan was
pounded into the ground up to his waist.  ÒI really
hate to do this to you Mamo-chanÉ demo- itÕs for the
good of the world!  If youÕre non-existent then well,
the spore is as well!  Gomen ne.Ó  She apologized
quietly, then plummeted the mallet back onto the
shrieking bishie.  

TLP moved behind Ely and patted her back.  ÒA job well
done Ely.Ó

ElyÕs eyes glittered and flashed dangerously.  *BAM*

ÒItaiÉ @_@Ó whimpered TLP as he toppled over with a
bump the size of a coconut on his head.



The Rose Suitor -If Elizabeth James Won!
AN: The tangoÉ Cha cha cha!  Polka anyone?

ÒCÕmon Mamo-chan, weÕre going to be late!Ó  Liz whined
as she pulled the bishie down the road.  ÒTonightÕs
our first lesson- the least we could do was be on
time!Ó  Liz growled.

ÒDemo- IÕm not, Liz I just donÕt wanna!Ó  The kawaii
pathetic slave wailed.  ÒUsakoÉÓ he sniffed wiping
away a tear.

Liz sighed, ÒCÕmon, weÕre dancing Mamo-chan! YouÕre
such a PERfect partner, I canÕt wait to dance in my
new shoes!Ó  Liz giggled and maintaining an iron grip
pulled her reluctant ÒpartnerÓ into the studio.

ÒOkay Everyone!Ó The director called clapping his
hands for attention.  All eyes riveted on the man,
except one person who was busy studying his shoelaces.
 

ÒGet into your dancing positions, people and letÕs
DANCE!Ó

Mamoru snapped his head up as Liz suddenly grabbed him
and pulled him close. One arm went around his waist,
and the otherÉ 

ÒHey, you canÕt grab my butt!Ó

Liz smiled up sweetly at him. ÒOh, but I can. YouÕre
mine, Mamo-chan. Now shake that tushie!Ó

Now in the standard way of dancing, it is the man that
usually leads and the woman follows, allowing herself
to be pulled into the steps. But since Liz is Liz,
sheÕs leading
today! Everything was actually going quite smoothly,
until-

ÒITAI!!Ó

ÒOh dear.Ó

Mamoru looked down in horror to see blood gushing like
an oil well from his left foot. He looked back up at
Liz. ÒYou punctured my foot!Ó

ÒOops. Well,Ó she replied, looking downwards. ÒItÕs
just a small scratch. CÕmon, weÕre still not done!Ó
She whirled him around, giggling slightly madly.

ÒITAI!Ó

Liz pouted. ÒMamo-chan, I know you can do this!Ó
ÒYou just punctured my other foot!Ó Mamoru looked down
and paled. ÒOh KamiÉ you punctured a vital vein!Ó

ÒSo? Can I help it if I like wearing stilettos?Ó

MamoruÕs eyes rolled to the back of his head and he
collapsed in front of Liz.

ÒOh Mamo-chan, youÕre such a party-pooper.Ó Having
said that, she flounced off to find herself another
dance partner.



The Rose Suitor- If Lazuli and Mizu Won

Lazuli ran into the room, brandishing her metal
baseball  bat. Mizu looked up, calmly, and went back
to organizing her files.

"Go ahead and try, but just don't knock anything over!
I've spent weeks organizing this mess!" Stacks of
paperwork, some labeled ÒUsa-dayÓ ÒVotingÓ and ÒMamoÓ
surrounded Mizu.

Lazuli nodded, then leveled the weapon at Mizu.

"I will win back the Mamo-chan that you have kept as
your slave! You will not have him! I will duel you for
our loveable, but dense Bish!"

Mizu calmly stood up, and set aside the huge set of
paperclips that she had been using to mark pages.

"Fine. You want to duel? Fine!" Out of nowhere, roses
blew all around, leaving the two to stand in a
battlefield with roses all around.

"Anou.....can I escape now before you run me through?"

Both Mizu and Lazuli glared at him. "No! You are the
Rose Bride...er..groom...uh..." Mizu and Lazuli shut
up, and faced each other again.

"I will get you for disturbing the time I need to
organize Mamo-day! We can't have the same problems
that we did for Usa!"

Out of nowhere multitudes of paper clips came flying
at Lazuli, who ducked and rolled out of the way, using
Mamo-chan as a shield.

"ACCCKKK!" Mizu ignored the cries of pain as Lazuli
lunged at Mizu with her bat. 

Mizu grabbed the already bleeding Mamo-chan as
Lazuli's bat came down in a wide arc, smacking him
upside the head. He toppled to the ground, little
swirlies in eyes.

"Itai....." Mizu stepped on his bleeding body as she
faced Lazuli again with a large pencil, and lost her
footing when Lazuli tripped at knocked them both over.
The pencil aimed downwards, and there was a pained
moan, and then silence.

Mizu and Lazuli forgot about their fight for a moment,
and then looked down at the man they had been fighting
over.

He was....dead....
Lazuli stared at Mizu. "You....you...killed him!" She
muttered. Mizu shrugged. "I guess so. There's your
taff for the day."

The two combatants walked arm in arm to discuss what
other evil plans could happen for Mamo-day.

Owari!



Uninvited
AN: Hehehe-really seriously people this is such a
horrible dilemma!

Redrose was going insane.  The doorbell had rung
again.  This time it was her great grandfatherÕs
second cousin from Zambia with his fourteen brothers
and sisters.  They were already housing two
dobermanÕs- known as the cousins, a crotchety old
Aunt, money-grubbing lazy family, and now it had rung
again.  How much more could she take!?!  

ÒThatÕs it!Ó she shrieked and picked up her fatherÕs
laptop.  ÒThe next person who shows up on this
doorstep is going to get booted!Ó  She snickered at
her pun and opened the door.  

There stood a very confuzzled bishounen.  ÒAnou- is
this the Redrose residence?Ó  Mamo-chan blurted.

ÒYes.  Hello Mamo-chan.Ó  Redrose smiled, hiding the
laptop behind her back. 

ÒWell, IÕm looking for Redrose.Ó Mamo-chan grimaced
when he saw the vein pulsing in her forehead.

ÒYes, IÕm she.Ó 

ÒHai, well Patchie sent me over to be your slave for
the day- IÕm kind of tired, can you show me where to
sleep?Ó  Mamoru questioned with a yawn.

Redrose let out a bloodcurdling scream and slammed the
deadly computer over the poor bishie.  

Mamo-chan: x_x

Redrose: ^_^

Mehg: *sweatdrops* I think she needed to release some
stressÉ  hehe Mamo-chanÕs as good as any to take it
out on ne Minna? 



97.  We're not in Kansas Anymore  By:  Patch and
Redrose
AN:  We always knew that Mamo-chan's green jacket
could get him into trouble.  Too bad he didn't know
just how much trouble he could get into.  It isn't
easy being green.

Glancing at his watch, Mamoru eagerly waited for the
moment that his Usako would run into him.  There were
ten seconds left before he saw the whirlwind that was
his favorite bunny.  

10  . .  .  9 . . . 8  . . . 7 . . . 6 . . . 

A wailing sound caught his attention, interrupting his
countdown.  His eyes moved from the watch to the
sidewalk in front of him.

His Usako was early?

As the wind began to blow around him, he squinted his
eyes to see the form of his golden angel.  His eyes
widened when all he saw was black . . . 

A while later . . . 

Mamoru got up from the ground, dazed and confused.  He
grabbed his head and yelled an obscenity.  Glancing
around his surroundings, he noted that he wasn't in
Tokyo anymore.  Rather than the normal gray, concrete
sidewalk, he was sitting on top of a yellow brick
road.  In the distance, he could hear the sound what
sounded like chipmunks singing,

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick
road, follow, follow, follow . . . "

"Nani!!!??!!" he exclaimed as he slowly got up and
headed towards the sound.

He soon came upon little men and women singing
cheerfully.  It reminded him of a movie he saw long
ago with his Usako.  They didn't notice his presence
until he touched the shoulder of one of them.  The
little man turned around, a big smile on his face. 
Once he saw Mamoru's green jacket, the smile faded and
his face paled.  

"The wicked witch!  The wicked witch!" he shrieked,
"She's back!" he yelled as he began to run away.

Mamoru stared in confusion as all of them turned to
look at him with horror.  He was wondering what he had
done wrong.  All of a sudden he heard a sharp
whistling sound.  He looked to his right, then to his
left, before looking up, a little too late.  Seconds
before he had a chance to move, a house fell on top of
him.  The little munchkins came out of their hiding
places and yelled cheers of joy,

"Ding dong, the witch is dead!"



98.  Blood Lust  By:  Redrose
AN:  hmmmm . . . letÕs just say that Mamo-chan
shouldÕve cut back on the chocolate.

ÒI vant to suck your blood,Ó the figure said in a
cheesy transylvanian accent.

ÒI, Tuxedo Kamen, will not allow you to drink my
blood!Ó TK answered as he produced a rose and sent it
towards the dark man in front of him.  

ÒYou have no choice,Ó Dracula said as he dodged the
rose attack and lunged at Tuxedo Kamen.

Caught off guard, Tuxedo Kamen didnÕt have enough time
to react, thus he allowed himself to be pushed into a
nearby wall, where he was cornered by a true Dark
Prince.

ÒHow vere you going to stop me again?Ó Dracula
taunted.

Tuxedo Kamen tried his hardest to get out of the hold
that the vampire had on him.  Unfortunately he forgot
the golden rule about vampires:  never look in their
eyes.

Tuxedo Kamen looked up to see the lust for blood in
the ancient vampireÕs eyes.  He was so mesmerized by
it that he didnÕt notice Dracula come closer to his
neck and begin to nibble at it.  DraculaÕs fangs came
out as he took a bit of Tuxedo KamenÕs neck, and began
to drink.

Dracula was in heaven as he felt the warm and sticky
blood enter his mouth.  It didnÕt taste like any other
blood he had ever had.  Throughout the years, he had
tasted various types of blood, but none had been as
sweet as Tuxedo KamenÕs.  Finally the realization hit
him.  The blood tasted sweeter since Tuxedo Kamen was
a chocoholic.  As a vampire, he couldnÕt taste
chocolate-or anything else for that matter.  Dracula
couldnÕt remember the last time he had had it.  So, he
just kept drinking and drinking, not even noticing how
much Tuxedo Kamen was paling until he fell limply in
his arms.  

ÒOh well!  IÕm sure I can change Demando into my
slave!Ó he sighed as he left Tuxedo KamenÕs body in
the alley and headed off to Nemesis.



99.	Chinatown or bust!  By:  Redrose
AN:  Our poor Mamo-chan is trying to find his way in
the big city (based on mine, mehgÕs, patchÕs, and ljÕs
experience).

He was giddy.  

That was the only way to describe it.  Mamoru had
never been on a subway before.  Sure he lived in Tokyo
and was used to using mass transportation like buses
and trains . . . but this was New York!

Mamoru had promised his Usako that he would buy her
some anime stuff from Chinatown.  Why he agreed was
beyond him, especially since anime are born in Japan. 


He let out a sigh before the giddiness kicked in
again.  If he didnÕt agree to get things for her, then
he wouldÕve never gotten to go on the subway.

Mamoru walked down the steps of Penn Station.  The
rude man at the counter told him to take the A, C, or
E train to Canal Street (which is basically
Chinatown).  So, here he was waiting for one of the
trains to show up.  

He heard the sounds of  the train echo throughout the
underground track and stepped forward.  A gust of wind
passed him, making a whoosh sound as the train came to
a stop.  He looked to the side and saw that the train
said A Express on it.  

Remembering the words of the man at the counter,
Mamoru chose not to go on the train.  A fatal mistake
on his part.  

Mamoru waited once more.  Glancing at his watch, he
noticed that he had been there for 10 minutes and he
needed to get back to the hotel in time for Dr. St.
AngeloÕs lecture on the Biology of insects.  He
couldnÕt miss that one!

He saw a man dressed in a business suit and figured
that he looked like he knew where he was going.

ÒGom- uhh, excuse me sir?Ó

ÒYes,Ó the man said, looking at Mamoru.

Mamoru hesitated as he saw the dark gleam in the manÕs
eyes.  Something just didnÕt feel right.  

ÒUm, IÕm trying to get to Chinatown and was wondering
if you knew which train I needed to take?Ó

ÒThe A, C, or E.Ó

ÒI was told that . . . I saw an A Express train
earlier, would that take me there?Ó

ÒYep.  It stops at Canal and Lafayette.Ó

ÒThanks,Ó Mamoru said as he heard the sounds of an
approaching train once again.  He took two steps
forward in an attempt to see the letter of the train. 


The other man, noticed how dangerously close Mamoru
was to the end of the platform and grinned evilly. 
With one small push, Mamoru fell down, onto the
tracks.  The last thing he saw was the bright head
lights of the A Express train.

Demando grinned again, ÒNow Serenity will be mine!Ó



100.  A Rose in the Concrete World  By:  Redrose
AN:  this is the story of how Mehg and I went to find
junk food . . . with a twist.  Read at your own risk.

ÒMamo-chan!Ó Usagi called from the kitchen.

ÒHai, Usako?Ó Mamoru responded as he lowered the
volume of the television in the living room.

ÒCould you do me a favor, onegai?Ó

ÒAnything . . . Ó he said, turning off the t.v. and
entering the kitchen.

Usagi placed the neatly written sheet of paper in his
hand and smiled sweetly.  Mamoru glanced at the paper
in his hand.  An intricate pattern of purple vines
surrounded the matching purple lines.  The shopping
list heading was written in an elegant font.  It was
accompanied by a list of ten items.

ÒNe, Usako, didnÕt we go grocery shopping yesterday?Ó

ÒFor your information, we went three days ago!  And
thatÕs besides the point!  The girls are coming over
later, and I need something to feed them!Ó she yelled
back.

Seeing that it was a lost cause, Mamoru gave in by
giving his wife a kiss on her lips, effectively
shutting her up.  He then grabbed the keys from the
key rack and headed out the door, leaving Usagi in a
daze.
Mamoru pulled into the parking spot.  He then put the
car in reverse and fixed it so that his car was
exactly in the middle of the two white lines.  He knew
that it was an anal habit, but he felt that someone
had to be courteous, especially in a world where no
one was.

He got up to the automatic door, just as a man in a
blue shirt was locking it.

ÒNani??Ó

ÒGomen, but weÕre closed.Ó

ÒDemo, I just have a few things to purchase.  I wonÕt
be too lon-Ó

ÒSorry, *weÕre* closed,Ó he said as he walked away.

Mamoru sighed and reluctantly walked back to his
perfectly parked car and drove off to another store.

When he got there, he noticed that two men were
attempting to open the automatic door.  Figuring that
it was closed as well, Mamoru made a sharp U-turn out
of the parking lot and headed for yet another store.

Thankfully for Mamoru, the store was still open.  What
was that saying?  Ahh, yes, third time's a charm,
Mamoru thought as he grinned.  He pulled into the spot
just as a truck pulled into the parking lot.  While
the driver, Bob, was waiting for Mamoru to park, he
grabbed a chocolate chip cookie from the box and
munched on it.  A big piece of it fell off, onto his
red shirt.  Bob noticed the parking lights on the car
and assumed that Mamoru had finished parking, Bob
released the brake and pushed the gas pedal while
reaching for the cookie crumb.  

Meanwhile, Mamoru realized that his car favored the
left side by a quarter of an inch.  He put the car
into reverse and accidentally slammed on the gas . . .


CRASH!!!!!!

ÒKUSO!!!!!!!!!!!Ó 

But it was too late.  If Mamoru hadnÕt been so anal,
he mightÕve saved his ass.



one more left minna!  we hope that you've enjoyed it
thus far.  feedback is much appreciated!