Ne... Minna-chan had enough yet? 

26.  Gas Trucks are not to be messed with!  By:  Patch
AN: This comes as an oddly deja vu scene for Patch.
She wonders why... Hint: *shamless self-promotion*
Read LWY!
Mamoru was driving around aimlessly one day. He was
bored out of his mind sitting in his apartment and
everyone he knew had something to do. So he hopped
into his shiny red sports car, pressed on the gas
pedal and sped away. 

And now here he was, feeling a bit reckless and daring
on the road. He wove in and out of traffic, didn't
bother using his signal and basically saw himself as
the only man on the road.

Ignoring the honks of other drivers, he cut people off
and sped through yellow-turning-red lights. He
approached an intersection and saw that his light had
turned yellow. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a
long gas truck approaching, ready to speed up once its
light turned green. 	

`ÒOh why not!Ó he yelled airily and slammed his foot
on the gas, laughing arrogantly as the car jumped
forward, speeding up quickly. Unfortunately the light
had already turned red and the truckÕs light had
turned green, allowing the truck to speed on...
plowing into one, tiny red car with a very dumb driver
inside.

A lesson to all you reckless drivers: YouÕre not
impressing *anyone* with your ÔtricksÕ and speed.



27.  I Got a Silver Ticket!  By:  Mehg 
AN: LOL ok ok so I couldn't figure out how Mamo-chan
could get sucked into a fan... so I did a really
CHEESY take-off from one of my fave movies ^^ 

Mamoru and his grandfather had just found a silver
ticket!  Thus they were lead throughout Silly Shocka's
fun house...  They came across a room decorated with
shelves filled to the brim with bottles. 

Silly Shocka told them that the bottles were filled
with a drink called "Dizzying nifty drinks".  Mamoru
and his grandfather were dually intrigued.   When
Silly Shocka had led the rest of his party to the room
of the Blue Moons, Mamoru and his Grandfather stayed
behind. 

They decided that one sip couldn't hurt them. 
Unfortunately one sip wasn't enough as the stuff was
as addicting as Cherry Coke (^_~) They began drinking
and felt dizzier and dizzier as they finished bottle
after bottle. 

Mamoru decided that it was getting too hot.  He
noticed a fan across the room.   In his dizzied state
he failed to notice that the fan was so powerful it
had just sucked in a chair and produced a nice pile of
toothpicks. 

He advanced closer still and suddenly was trapped in
what felt like a tornado.  He was pulled towards the
fan inch by inch until... 

OUCH!  Well I don't feel like getting too much more
descriptive!



28.  Repeat Repeat Repeat  By:  Mehg
AN: C'mon... who didn't see this one coming?? 

In the center of all evil planning; a group of women
sat debating whether or not to accomplish the ultimate
of all evils. 

Lazuli looked to Mako-chan and it was decided. 

The next day they unwrapped a struggling bundle.  Well
what do you know!  The fiendish masterminds had
captured none other than our favorite bishounen: Chiba
Mamoru.  They posted on the SMRFF list that they had
him in custody and were taking orders for clones. 

Orders began pouring in from all over SMRFF!  SMRFF
members told their siblings, friends, arch-nemesis's,
and sensei's all about the wonderful news.  Soon
nearly every woman in the entire world wanted a clone
of dear sweet Mamo-chan.  (And some males too... but
we won't go into that!) 

They sighed.  Well getting that much DNA would be
tricky.  They began cloning and cloning and cloning
and cloning and cloning...etc.  Very soon there were
only a few strands left in Mamo's body.  Then all
popularity for Mamo seemed to disappear.  People
canceled their backorders and some even tried to send
their clones back.  Apparently the Mamoru clone had
grown too popular... 

The newest edition for Cloning Inc. ?  Well...
*chuckles* thatÕs another story entirely. 

Unfortunately they could not figure out a way to
return the unwanted clones' borrowed DNA... and Mamoru
died from the lack of his Ôladders of life'. 



29.  Unspoken Death  By:  QS

BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
VP: Did you know that most people would rather face
Death than say a speech? But not our Mamo-chan!
Prez: Hai!  Our Mamo-chan loves to talk!  What might
occur if  something should happen to his voice?
VP: *Gasps* Heaven forbid something happen to his
voice! Never think such a thing Prez! 
Prez: *points to next fic*  This is all for your
torture VP ^_^  Minna-san: let's give it all up to QS
for this next piece!	

Usagi sobbed at the casket, and Rei patted her on the
back, trying to console the blonde.

"How did this happen?" she asked softly.  She hadn't
been there for the final monster attack, and no wished
she had been.  Maybe she would have been able to do
something to prevent this tragedy.   

Chiba Mamoru was dead.

Usagi wrung her hands, her eyes teary.  "Laryngitis."

"What?!" Rei exclaimed.  "Was that the monster's
name?"

Usagi shook her head, long ponytails swinging against
her graceful neck.   "No.   He had a case of
laryngitis, and when the monster attacked, he wasn't
about to give his lecture.   Without it, he didn't
stand a chance."

"Huh?" Rei asked.

"Apparently his rose throwing skills weren't all they
were cracked up to be," Mizuno Ami said, appearing
behind her two oldest friends.   "Ever wonder why he
threw so many?   Without those annoying speeches, he
couldn't make the monster sick enough to forget to
duck."



30.  Do Not Disturb  By:  Liz-chan
AN: all he wanted was some privacy...

ÒQuick Mamo-chan, we can get some privacy in here!Ó
Usagi grabbed a hold of MamoruÕs hand and pushed open
the large wooden door to the building before them.

ÒEhh... Usa dear I donÕt think this is the appropriate
place to do something like what you have in mind.Ó

Mamoru looked around for any sign of life inside the
tranquil place.

ÒWell your apartment is out, we canÕt go to my house
and Motoki kicked us out of the arcade.  It was your
idea to start in the first place so donÕt go and blame
me. You were the one who was hot.Ó  Usagi sat down on
the long wooden bench and looked up at her boyfriend
expectantly.

ÒThis is a church Usa!  They frown upon this kinda
thing, I donÕt want to have sin marring my soul for
all eternity.Ó

ÒShut up Mamo-chan and give me my ice cream cone.Ó 
Mamoru sighed and handed over the melting chocolate
cone.  Usagi started inhaling it at a lightning fast
pace and Mamoru sat down next to her, watching in awe.
It never failed to amaze him that he was in love with
a human vacuum cleaner.

ÒOops...Ó UsagiÕs voice shook him free from the trance
he was in and he looked down at his pants where half a
scoop of ice cream had landed.  The cold hit his skin
immediately causing him to start squirming.

ÒUsa!Ó he jumped up and wiped at the cold glob of
chocolate as it slid down to the floor.

ÒIÕm so sorry Mamo-chan, let me clean that up!Ó Usagi
got down on the floor and started to sop up the mess
with some of the napkins she had with her.  ÒTake off
your
pants, itÕll be easier to clean them that way.Ó

MamoruÕs mouth fell open, ÒUsa, this is a place of
worship, I canÕt strip down in here.Ó

ÒThereÕs no one here, just do it!Ó she hissed back at
him.  With little grumbling Mamoru took off his pants
and sat down on the pew in his boxers.

Usagi had just about had the mess cleaned up when
suddenly a voice scared the crap out of the both of
them, ÒWhat in HeavenÕs name are you two doing in
here?Ó 

Mamoru lept up as his girlfriend started crawling
toward the door, ÒNothing sir, just enjoying the
silence.Ó he watched as Usagi made it outside without
facing the
priestÕs wrath.

The priest turned bright red, ÒWithout any pants on!?Ó
he thundered.  Mamoru took a step back and felt his
balance start to go as his foot got caught on the
bottom of the bench.  He fell backwards and cracked
his head open on the pew across the isle.  The priest
watched in horror as the dark haired man started to
bleed all over the floor.  He nudged Mamoru carefully
with his foot and when the young man didnÕt move the
priest started to back away.

ÒDarn kids, always getting themselves into trouble.Ó
He turned around looking for the maintenance person
who was cleaning up by the alter, ÒMegumi, can you
come clean
this up?  ThereÕs ice cream all over the floor and I
donÕt want it to dry and be all sticky.Ó





31.  QS and MamoÕs head implosion  By:  QS

Gomen ne, demo QS was *supposed* to write this, but
she never did.  Ask her where the story is!



32.  Alternate Ending  By:  Liz-chan
AN: IÕm a Final Fantasy fan and in my humble opinion,
VII is the best one of all.  So what would happen if
Mamoru were to make an appearance during the final
battle down the northern crater.  There are spoilers
in this, so if you havenÕt finished the game and donÕt
want to know what happens, donÕt read!

ÒYouÕre going down Sephiroth, I wonÕt let you hurt
this planet anymore!Ó Cloud stood tall against his
adversary, his team standing behind him.  ÒThereÕs no
way you can stop us all.Ó he added smugly.  

Sephiroth drew out his masamune, aiming it at CloudÕs
heart, ÒYou underestimate the power of Jenova boy. 
Prepare to DIE!Ó Sephiroth charged forward, ready to
take the cocky blond out for good.

ÒAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!Ó a wail interrupted
Sephiroth mid-charge and everyone looked up. A dark
haired man was falling toward them, his mouth twisted
open in a tortured cry.  He hit the hard ground with a
nasty sounding thud, and then lay there, not moving.

Cloud spoke up first, he kicked at the young man,
ÒHey, youÕre messing up the flow of the game!Ó  Tifa
stepped forward, looking over cloudÕs broad shoulder,
ÒWho is he?  HeÕs kinda cute.Ó

Sephiroth put his head in his hands, ÒI can NOT work
like this, IÕll never get back my concentration now!Ó
he folded his arms across his chest and put his nose
in the air.

ÒChill Sephy, weÕll drag him off the set and then
weÕll just pick up where we left off.ÓYuffie chirped. 
ÒYou were doing great, IÕm sure that next time youÕll
be even better.Ó

SephirothÕs mako green eyes lit up with glee, ÒReally,
I was so worried that I wasnÕt coming off as being
evil enough.  I want to scare young children, do you
think IÕm capable of that?Ó

Yuffie and Sephiroth continued their conversation as
Cloud and Tifa dragged an unconscious Mamo-chan off to
the side.  Tifa knelt down next to him, and patted his
face gently, ÒWake up tall dark and handsome.Ó she
whispered.

MamoruÕs eyes fluttered open to find a beautiful
brunette leaning over him, ÒYouÕre not Usako.Ó he
mumbled.  Tifa only smiled in reply, ÒNo IÕm not,
whoÕs Usako?Ó

ÒWhere am I?Ó  Mamoru asked sitting up slowly.
	
ÒThe bottom of the northern crater, at the end of the
Final Fantasy VII game.  We, Cloud and everyone else,
were just about to defeat Sephiroth when you dropped
in for a visit.Ó

ÒOh okay, IÕm just going to go back to sleep now,
maybe IÕll wake up back in Tokyo.Ó  Mamoru laid back
down and closed his eyes.  Tifa jumped up and rejoined
the group to continue shooting.  Mamoru tossed and
turned for a moment before finding a large canvas bag
a few feet away.  He grabbed it and dragged it to his
resting spot, falling asleep on the soft surface in
seconds.

The director was oblivious to what had happened, since
he had been watching previous takes, ÒHey you!Ó he
shouted to a young boy walking across the set, ÒSee
that Jenova gets his meal in the next five minutes
okay?Ó the boy nodded, walking over to where a bag of
elephant hearts used to be.  He spotted a sleeping
Mamoru, who looked more dead than alive at the moment,
ÒWow, they must have upped the budget.Ó 

He started to pull Mamoru over to the cage where a
rotten smelling creature was napping.  Since Mamoru
had suffered from a concussion from his fall, there
was no way he was getting up any time soon.  The boy
opened the cage and pushed Mamoru in.  The dark haired
hottie didnÕt even scream as the mako monster devoured
him in one gulp.



33.  Sailor Moon misses in her attack  By:  Elysia
AN: This takes place in the SuperS ballet episode

BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
VP:  They say true love is always blind! In this case
it is not only blindÉ but misdirected.  Ne Prez?
Prez: Hai hai, absolutely correct.  However when it
comes to you- love is not the only thing thatÕs blind.
 YouÕre blind as a bat when it comes to thinking
skills!
VP:  *strangles Prez* Take it back!
Prez: *gasping in large bursts of air* Never! BWHAHAHA
VP: *turns back to audience* Whatever.
Prez: In this case, pobre TK-sama is blind.
VP: And Usagi is the one whoÕs misguided!

Sailor Moon was relieved to finally be out of that
tutu. It really was a little too tight, but she wasn't
going to let Chibi Moon know that. The little brat
thought she knew everything... but first they had to
kill this lemure. 

Suddenly a strategically placed rose pierced the
stage, and Sailor Moon knew she was saved. Not that
she couldn't get rid of the enemy by herself, but it
was always nice to know her handsome prince was always
there to protect her... even if he gave cheesy
speeches all the time. Come to think of it, they were
worse than hers! 

Tuxedo Kamen was still giving his speech, thoroughly
confusing the lemure as well as her. Closing her eyes,
she muttered under her breath "Let's get this over
with," then pointed her kaleidoscope wand at the
enemy, and shouted out her attack. 

A painful scream came from the other side of the
stage, but no "Stage Out" like usual. Sailor Moon
opened one eye and found she had pointed her attack at
the wrong person. The smoking tuxedo and cape now lay
on the ground. 

"Oops," she said sheepishly. "Is that what they meant
by Tuxedo la Smoking Bomber?" 



34.  Oopsie Daisie  By:  Mehg
AN: BoomerangÉ thatÕs right mate!  Boomerang :)

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Five voices chimed in unison,
when their dashing hero showed up on the scene.  He
waved and cocked a grin towards their direction. 
Reveling in their attention he noticed the youma
getting ready to make his next move.  Still smiling at
the inner senshi, Tuxedo Kamen pulled a rose from his
pocket.   And didnÕt pay attention and turned it
blossom first.  He let it fly and smiled triumphantly.
 

ÒHAHAHA YouÕll have to do better than that Kamen!Ó 
The youma sneered as the roseÕs petals merely bounced
off of it and smacked onto a building.  It didnÕt stop
there though, no the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen gaped as
the rose bounced and pinged from building to building,
and around in a circle until finally it came spinning
towards the assembled group. 
 ÒACK!Ó The senshi shrieked and dove out of the way,
however our valiant hero was not fast enough.  

ÒShimatta.Ó He muttered and looked down at the rose
buried in his chest.  Then his lifeless body toppled
over on top of Sailor Moon.  



35.  Falling into Ely's Vat of WAFF...  By:  Hess
AN: No offense to Ely!  And we borrowed her vat only
momentarily!! *winks*

BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
Prez: And here we have a special prop...
VP: It's an absolutely lovely piece of work *does the
Vanna White thing*
Prez: *grins* Hai!  Onee-sama's Waff-vat!
VP: A wonderfulicious invention that we all love very
much. But what can it do for our lovely lovely Mamoru?
Prez: *shrugs* Let's see with Hess's latest creation!
BWHAHAHA

Ely was VERY careful to lock up her secret vat of WAFF
every night, save someone might come and steal it. 
But on this certain night, the door did not close all
the way.  The lock did not lock.  And the vat of WAFF
was accessible.  A certain Chiba Mamoru just happened
to see the unlocked door and just happened to walk
inside the room.  He peered at the label on the vat :
"WAFF".

"Hmmmm, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings?  I totally missed out
on these.  I know!  I'll get a cup of this and bring
it home to Usako!  She'll just loooove it!  It'll be
the PERFECT gift!" he snickered, leaning over the vat
with a glass.

"Juat a little bit further....WHOA!!"  With a splash,
Mamoru fell into the vat.

"HELP!  Someone help me!!  I've fallen into a
::gurgle::"

Not many people know that Ely is SO very protective
about her WAFF that there is a certain suction device
at the bottom of the vat, to keep foreign objects
out...



36.  Pecked to Death!  By:  Mehg
AN: Alfred Hitchcock would be proud!

ÒIÕve got to get home Mamo-chan, my mother wanted me
back in time for dinner.Ó Usagi kissed Mamoru quickly
on his cheek before getting off the park bench they
had been occupying for the last thirty minutes.

ÒOkay Usa, IÕll call you tonight.Ó they had been
feeding some of the birds that liked to gather along
the main path in hopes of getting something to eat. 
There was still a little bit left and Mamoru was
pretty comfortable, so he decided to enjoy the
beautiful afternoon.

He tossed a few more handfuls onto the ground before
noticing the bird perched next to him on the bench,
ÒHey there little fella, youÕre awfully brave to be up
here next to me.Ó Mamoru reached into the bag and took
the last of the birdseed out.  He held it toward the
little creature and watched as the bird slowly hopped
to his outstretched hand and started to eat.  

ÒWhat a little pig you are.Ó he laughed as the little
fledgling gobbled all the seed up in a matter of
seconds, ÒYou would get along great with my
girlfriend.Ó
The bird finished and looked up at him, begging for
more.  Mamoru shook his head, ÒSorry, none left.Ó he
gasped as the little bird developed an almost sinister
look on itÕs face.  It let out a string of angry
chirps and flew away.

ÒHow odd.  IÕve never seen that happen before.Ó Mamoru
mused to himself, not noticing the flock of birds
gathering in the trees above his head.  He stood up,
dusted off his hands and started toward the park exit.
 

Suddenly something nailed his back and he doubled over
in pain. Without warning birds started to dive-bomb at
him from the treetops, hitting him in the back, head
and legs with the full force of their little bodies. 
He went down with little fight and the petite vultures
descended on his unconscious form pecking him to
death.  He should have brought more birdseed...



37.  Au Naturel  By:  Mizu
AN: Every girl's dream.  ^^  Oh, and for the record,
I've never been to a nude beach.  O.O

"Come on, Mamo-chan!  It's not like I've never seen
you naked before," giggled the Neo-queen, fingers
skillfully undoing the purple clasp at his neck.  She
slipped off his jacket, followed by his shirt, his
pants, his shoes, etc.
 
"But Usako!  That's different!  We're usually in
private when I strip down to my birthday suit!"  He
sputtered, smoothing back a violet-tinted lock. Queen
Serenity giggled in response.

"Wh--what?"  He stammered.  His cheeks were tickled
pink with embarrassment.

"We weren't in private when we umm . . . in the
gardens," his wife resumed giggling childishly.

His eyes widened a fraction of an inch.  "We were
behind bushes, Usako, remember?"  He attempted to
reason with her.  However, he of all people should
have known that once his wife set herself upon a task,
she would complete it.  No bars.  No hesitation.  It
was just pure ambition.  He could never say no to her
sweet face.  Even when it meant going to a beach and
spending a day in the nude.

"Ne, Mamo-chan, it was in the middle of the annual
diplomat banquet.  There were *lots* of people there."
 Usagi pointed out blandly.  He blanched pale, pale
white.  She brightened, smiling cheerfully.  "Oops. 
Seems like I've forgotten the sun-tan lotion.  Be
right back, Mamo-chan!"  She skipped off, a fistful of
her dress gathered in her hands to avoid tripping in
the sand.

Mamoru sighed and turned to look around him.  The
dunes were as vacant as the clear blue sky.  Quiet
clung to the atmosphere, only allowing the lapping
waves to break the comfortable silence.  It was quite
peaceful, really.  Perhaps this was a good idea after
all.

"Hey look!  Nekkid man!"

"Hiya, sweet cheeks!"

"Hubba Hubba!"

"Purrrrrr.."

Mamoru turned his gaze westward, fearful of what he
would see.  His suspicions were confirmed, as his eyes
met a growing mob of hormone-controlled girls.  His
hands went straight for his crotch as his face blushed
furiously.  Perhaps, just perhaps, if he covered the
strategic places, they might just leave him alone.

"He's playing hard to get!  GET HIM!!!"

 . . . or not.



38.  Dear Beloved  By:  Mehg
AN: ROFL minna- you should have seen Baka's face when
he read this one *giggles* I think he took it
personally... *sweatdrops* 

Mamoru walked into the arcade and sat on his usual
stool.  Motoki hurried over and provided Mamoru with
his usual coffee.   Motoki handed Mamoru a letter with
red hearts decorating the corners.  Mamoru laughed and
took it.  "Where did you find this?" 

Motoki chuckled nervously.  "I believe someone left it
by the Sailor V game." 

Mamoru smiled.  Perhaps it was from Odango?  Boy would
that make his day.  He grinned and went to open it- 
"YAMETE!  Mamoru-kun I think you should open it at
home!"  Mamoru looked at Motoki puzzled, but
none-the-less tucked it into his pocket. 

He hurried home.  As soon as he sat on the couch he
opened the letter. 

My dear Mamoru- 

Many a day has passed without you knowing my true
feelings.   I wish that I could tell you to your face,
but I'm too shy.- 

Mamoru grinned.  He liked shy girls. 

-I just wanted you to know that I think you're the
greatest, kawaii-est, and most amazing man I've ever
met!  It would make my life complete if you would
accept me-and be my man! 

Love and kisses, 
Motoki 

*THUD* That was the sound of Mamo-chan's body falling
to the ground after he passed away from shock. 



39.  Evil Teletubbies  By:  Patch
AN: Those creatures are spawns of SATAN! I swear it!

News of MamoruÕs success with babysitting spread
throughout the apartment complex. Mothers on every
floor were asking him to babysit their children. He
was to simply put it, overwhelmed.

On one particular Sunday afternoon, Mamoru found
himself babysitting ten children, ages two to five.
There was crying. There was wailing. There was
shrieking. There was peeing. There was vomiting. There
was fighting. And this was all in the first five
minutes. To his absolute horror, Mamoru found his once
pristine apartment as dirty as a babyÕs diaper. Oy. It
was one big mess.

He was desperate. He needed something, anything to get
those kids under control. Spying one of them chewing
on the TV control, an idea popped into his head. The
television.  Find the right program and it could
capture the attention of any wild beast and soothe it
into a state of peacefulness. Mamoru gently took the
remote from the child, quickly replacing it with a
pacifier and then stood in front of his big screen
television.

Flipping through the channels, he could find nothing
that would be entertaining as well as educational for
his little charges. Sighing tiredly, he plopped down
on the sofa, not realizing that the children had all
gathered around him. One of the eldest ones, took the
remote from his hands and began pressing button. Three
more climbed onto MamoruÕs lap. Two sat on each of his
feet. 

Can you tell they had evil intentions?

The child with the remote finally smiled happily as he
hit upon the desired channel. A song came on,
filtering through the air as silence descended within
the apartment.

ÒTinky Winky! Dipsy! La La! Po!Ó

MamoruÕs eyes widened slowly as they took on the
colorful blobs in front of him. They wereÉ scary. They
looked absolutelyÉ evil. They danced and frolicked
across the fake grass, talking in a garbled language
that was probably English. They made the language
sound alien. 

He looked around frantically for the control. There it
was! In that childÕs hand. He struggled to get up but
found himself trapped! By babies no less! 

The singing began again but this time the children
sang along.

ÒTink-y Wink-y! Dip-sy! Laa Laa! Po!Ó

Oh Kami! Were those television screens in their
stomachs? How inhuman! How terrible! His mouth opened
in a silent scream as the singing started up once
more. He heard the gurgling laughter of the children.
FunnyÉ they almost sounded evil.

But he couldnÕt dwell on that now. His heartbeat was
speeding up at an incredible rate. With horror he
realized that the show repeated itself. He had to
watch it again? The song? The bouncing? The ugly
faces? Yes, he had to watch it all over again.

ÒIYAAAAAAAA!!!!Ó

And then his heart stopped. Chiba Mamoru was the first
man ever recorded to have died of pure fright.



40.  To Approve or Disapprove, that is the question 
By:  Mizu
AN: *cringes*

"Mr. Chiba!  So glad to meet you at last!"  A
heavy-set voice boomed, taking Mamoru's unwilling hand
in a hearty and painful shake.  "How do you like
America?  It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Mamoru said something quietly in response.

"Oh, it's lovely.  I'm glad to have been invited to
the screening of the dub," the translator replied. 
Her English was slightly accented, however, Mamoru
required a translator, and she was the best he could
acquire in such short notice.  Being the star of a
popular Anime had its quirks, but some things in life
were left up to your own devices.

So here he was in DiC HQ, ready to approve or
disapprove of his new voice actor.  Things had been
pleasant during his trip.  This was the highlight of
the journey.

The man turned on the movie projector and enabled the
surround sound system.
He wanted everything to be *perfect*.  Finding a new
voice actor was expensive.

Five minutes later . . . 

"Love that blossoms in the moonlight is a rare flower.
 Evil shall never destroy its sweet everlasting
scent."

"NANI YO?!"  Mamoru's voice echoed in the empty
screening room.  The man with the remote turned to his
translator questioningly.

"What the hell?!"  She replied dutifully, her words
even and smooth.

"DOUSHITE NO ATASHI WA BAKA TO OMOU?!!!"  The language
barrier wasn't 
being helpful.  How Mamoru wished that this man could
speak in his own mother tongue.  It would make his
berating far more effective.

"Why do I sound so stupid?!"  The translator
continued, allowing a hint of surprise slip into her
words.  Despite Mamoru's Japanese protests, the show
continued on, regardless of Mamoru's rampaging rage.

"Sailor Moon!  Use your tiara!"
 
*THUMP!*

The screening director leaned over his seat, eyeing
his guest critically.

"I guess he approves."

"But he's unconscious!  He doesn't even look like he's
breathing!"  

The translator protested, "He didn't say that he
approved."

"Did he say that he disapproved?"  Prompted the
director.

"Well, no."

"Then it's settled!  The voice stays."



41.  LightÕs Out!  By:  Mehg
AN:  All hail Prince Diamond!  But look here comes
Darien Hood!

ÒThe winner of the tournament will win a kiss from the
lovely Maid Serena!Ó  The evil Prince Diamond cackled
scanning the crowd for the caped hero.  Spotting about
three suspects he sat on his throne and waited
patiently.  

ÒOh Lady Raye!  IÕm so majorly excited!  Do you think
Darien will come?Ó  

ÒI donÕt know Maid Serena, but gosh I donÕt see why
not!Ó Lady Raye responded.

ÒOh my gosh!  I think itÕs HIIM!Ó  Maid Serena
shrieked.  ÒDARIEN!  OH DARIEN HOOD!Ó  She bellowed
from the stands waving her hanky. 

The caped figure shook his head in wonder, could she
truly be that obvious.  Sure enough droidoÕs began
closing in on him.  ÒThe color of combat stands for
blue for victory!  I will triumph over all the evil in
this country!Ó  Darien Hood shouted, and then sent
three roses on his special bow flying towards the evil
Prince.  

ÒSeize him!Ó The prince shouted, ÒWiseman-Ò

ÒCut the stupid chandelier!Ó  The Wiseman grumbled
tossing his crystal ball in the air and catching it
again.  ÒHey, this is kind of fun!  We still need the
rabbit.Ó

ÒYeah yeah,Ó The evil prince waved aside, ÒCut the
rope!Ó He ordered.  

Two or three minions moved to obey their liege when
Maid Serena jumped in front of them.  ÒHow dare you
try and hurt my Darien Hood!  In the name of lovely
maidens everywhere- I am Maid Serena!  You mean old
monsters need to be punished!  And that means you!Ó 
She chirped. ÒMaiden KICK!Ó she giggled as she kicked
one in the face.  

ÒGreat job Maid Serena!Ó Darien Hood encouraged.  ÒNow
time for some real action!Ó  Just then a droido got
past Maid Serena and cut the rope.  Darien Hood
glanced up and witnessed in horror as a circle of
lights came hurtling down onto him.  

ÒLights out Darien Hood.Ó  Prince Diamond snickered.

ÒNO!  You canÕt hurt my Darien Hood!  In the name of
lovely Maidens everywhere, I am Maid Serena!  And I
will punish you.Ó  

Prince Diamond snapped his fingers and a castle wall
toppled onto Maid Serena.  ÒWell that takes care of
that.  Let the festival continue!Ó



42.  Coffee, Tea, Caffeine for Me!  By:  Mehg
AN: LOL I was on too much caffeine when I wrote this
one myself ^_~  AND THATÓS ALL I WAS ON!

Mamoru had a paper due; it was actually due the next
morning.  He glanced at the clock.  Hmm... Eight
o'clock, he had until nine am to B.S. the best paper
ever!  He had been up for thirteen hours by then.  He
brewed a pot of coffee.  He furiously typed pausing
every now and then to pour himself another cup.
Gulping one cup after the other... he soon had drank
nearly a whole can of grounds! 

By the time it was three am, Mamoru was chattering
like a monkey along with the sounds of his fingers
hitting the keys.  He poured himself yet another cup
and continued writing.  Soon he was so hyped up that
he was shaking! (AN: fun fun fun I assure you!)  He
drank just a little bit more.  By six o'clock he had
one smashing paper to turn in! 

He realized sleep was very overrated and brewed his
zillionth pot of coffee.  He made himself a couple of
thermos's full and then set off for school.  All day
he drank his coffee.  By the end of the day he
realized how cool it was to not sleep.  He vowed never
to sleep again! 

He went to the grocery store and bought tons of
caffeinated items; teas, more coffee, jolt, and even
some caffeinated peppermints.  He carried his 'food'
home. 

Motoki came over three days later.  Mamoru looked
horrible.  His eyes were puffy and he could barely
keep them open.  Motoki realized that the culprit had
to be all the caffeine Mamoru had been taking.  He
tried to take the coffee out of Mamoru's hands but
Mamoru pushed him away.  He cradled his mug of coffee
much as a drug-addict would his last hit.  Motoki
sighed and tried again.  This time the boiling
substance was knocked over onto his lap.  Motoki
bellowed in pain then glared at Mamoru and took the
empty cup away. 

"Mamoru-kun, you must get some sleep."  Motoki looked
to his friend concerned.  He ushered him towards the
bedroom and then wrapped a blanket around him. 
Mamoru's eyes started to close but then snapped open. 
Mamoru looked like a raving lunatic!  Motoki backed up
slowly, raising his hands to show surrender.  He
yelped and ran from the room when Mamoru charged
towards him. 

Mamoru ran to the kitchen and gulped down three
kettles of tea.  After finishing that he walked back
to his living room and watched his new favorite TV
show: reruns of Growing Pains.  After that refreshing
episode Mamoru poured some coke into a bottle and set
it by the shower. He closed his eyes, when he lathered
his hair.  His head began drooping; he quickly reached
for his pop and then sprung awake! Resulting in
getting soap in his eyes.  He shook and then drank
down another bottle. 

After changing into new clothes he grabbed his
briefcase.  Starting out the door he walked in a merry
little skipping motion.  On his way to school he
narrowly avoided a piano falling on him, and he walked
under two ladders.  He also ran into Luna who was in
quite a hurry to see Artemis.  An opened compact lay
on the ground, reflecting the sun's rays.  He
absentmindedly crunched over it, crushing the small
mirror.  He walked past his favorite vender and
spilled a whole barrel of salt. Mamoru sure had been
lucky so far. 

When he got home, he was so hyper that he thought he
saw a tail protruding from his backside.  He tried to
grab a hold of it, and not succeeding began running
around in circle's trying to grasp that phantom tail. 
Finally he collapsed exhausted.  He still hadn't
gotten that tail though... Mamoru sighed then he moved
to get up and brew himself some green tea (AN: Cheers
cheers Mamo-chan!)  His heart began beating faster and
faster.  All the adrenaline Mamoru had stored was
nothing compared to the caffeine high he had just now
accomplished.  He was so excited!  More caffeine! 
Mamoru kept walking faster and faster... then *thud*
his heart stopped and he collapsed to the ground.
Apparently only mice's hearts can beat at above 300
beats a minute. 



43.  When Senior's Attack  By:  Mehg
AN: Picture Mamo-chan lost, in the midst of the United
StatesÉ in an old WWII VeteranÕs home.   Mayhap the
man is bitter? 

Mamoru was out and about walking around, when he heard
a *shuffle shuffle grunt*.  He didn't know what to
make of these strange noises.  He cautiously followed
the noise, curious to see where it was coming from. 
He rounded a corner and found the cause of the noise. 
It was an old man! 

The man moved without lifting his feet from the
ground.  That was the cause of the *shuffle* sound he
had heard.  He made little grunting sounds as he
slowly moved.  Mamoru moved forward and bowed to the
man. "Konnichiwa." 

The man's eyes glazed over.  He reached out his hand
and encountered a cane lying on the ground next to
him.    He brandished it while yelling, "YOU GODDAMNED
JAP!  YOU *EDITED COMMENT*!  WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE DOING IN MY HOME!  GET OUT!" 

Mamoru looked surprised and then utterly insulted. 
"Anou-" 

The man looked outraged!  "THAT'S IT!  I KNEW WE
SHOULD HAVE DROPPED MORE BOMBS ON YOU
LESS-THAN-PEOPLE!  I CRIED TEARS OF HAPPINESS WHEN
HIROSHIMA WAS DESTROYED!"  With that last comment the
man beat Mamoru over the head with the cane.  "I-"
another smack. "HATE", *thwack*, "YOU!" *BLAM* *BAM*
*BLAM*. 

Mamoru couldn't fight back; it was a defenseless old
man!  He tried to run but noticed that he was backed
into a corner. 

The man grinned in evil triumph and began beating
Mamoru with the cane. Mamoru yelled "DAME!  TASUKETE! 
TASUKETE!"  However no one was home but the crazy
senior citizen.  With every Japanese word from Mamoru
the man seemed to get more and more energized.  He
beat Mamoru to a bloody pulp, and then shuffled away
grunting to himself happily. 



44. Weird Science  By:  QS

Ami was mixing up something that most scientists would
have determined was a possible cure for AIDS by the
way it smelled- either that or a super-strong laundry
detergent.   

Pushing her goggles back, she added the final
ingredient, watching as it foamed up and created a
nice blu-ish mist.   She really did love the color
blue.

The door swung inwards and Ami looked up in time to
see Mamoru walk in, carrying his own science
equipment.  "Hey, Ami-chan, what are you doing in the
university labs?" he asked curiously.

"It's my science experiment for the next inter-school
competition," she explained, setting down the beaker
and getting out a few empty flasks.

Mamoru looked at it curiously, picking it up.   "And
exactly what is it?" he asked.

"PUT IT DOWN!" she shrieked, but it was too late. 
Mamoru had been swishing it around carelessly and
managed to splash himself with the minutest amount.

Never let it be said that Mizuno Ami did anything by
half measures.   The minutest amount of one of her
solutions was more then enough to do serious damage.
Ducking, she covered her head.   After the explosion
past, she stood up and stared at the spot where Mamoru
had been a few seconds before.

"That," she said sadly, "was my special
super-concentrated form of nitroglycerine that was
design to only have a five-foot blast radius."



45.  THE Epic  By:  Mehg and Patch
BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
Prez: I did not have sexual relations with that woman
*pause*  But I really did want to!
VP: I want a recount on that!
Prez: Ack- Wrong speech!  *coughs*  Good day
Minna-san!  The VP and I have cooked up something
extra special for you today!
VP: No food here folks! Trust us, what you are about
to read is more... delicious, in a weird, twisted way.
Prez: That's right!  We have here a complete twisted
conversation that your beloved Fic-monarchs have
constructed to fit in with our wonderful series: "The
101 Ways to Kill a Mamo-chan".
VP: Be prepared to be amazed, stunned and shocked!
You'll gasp in outrage and disbelief. You'll wonder,
'who ARE these weirdos?' And then you'll write to us
and tell us what a great job we did. ^_^
Prez: As we can all see, VP has had too much sugar
this afternoon.  So we'll just mosey on along and-
VP: *dumps sugar on Prez* Hah! Now you have too much
sugar! Na na na na! ]
Prez: *eyes glitter* WHY YOU!!!  COME BACK HERE!!!  
VP: *bounces away happily* Laa dee daa! Do you think
our audience has been prepared enough Ms. Prez?
Prez: *hands around VP's throat*  Why yes, I think
they might be able to handle it... Ne-- should we tell
them that this wasn't even planned and was just an
everyday chat until after we donned our ruby slippers?
VP: Naaah, let them figure that one out. *Slaps away
Prez's hands* Do you think they'll guess that this
wasn't even planned and was just an everyday chat
until after we donned our ruby slippers?
Prez:  Well... since we both just told them... Maybe
they already know?
VP: Hmmm... *ponders for a moment* Naaaaaaaaah!
Prez: *sweatdrops* Anyways... On with the show!   We
bring you THE Epic!  By: Me and....
VP: ME!

Mehgth: *tilts head to side* you're pretty weird...
patchkhan1: that doesn't even cover half of me
patchkhan1: you forgot freakish
patchkhan1: insane
patchkhan1: whacked
patchkhan1: high
patchkhan1: ummm
patchkhan1: bad
patchkhan1: evil
patchkhan1: angelic O:-)
patchkhan1: aaaaaand
patchkhan1: insane
patchkhan1: did i mention that one already?
Mehgth: *backs away*
Mehgth: NOPE!  *moves in for the kill*
Mehgth: *throws arm around Patchie's Shoulders*  WE"RE
THE SAME!!!
Mehgth: TWO PEAS IN A POD!
Mehgth: Birds of a feather!
patchkhan1: AWESOME!
patchkhan1: flocking together!!!
patchkhan1: .........
patchkhan1: eeeeeeyah
Mehgth: Hai hai!
Mehgth: when pigs fly ne?
patchkhan1: *oink* daaaaamn I think I just saw one
Mehgth: LOL was it Baka?
patchkhan1: oh my gosh, *runs to window*
Mehgth: *falls out of chair*
patchkhan1: *helps Mehg back up* there there, it's
alright, it was just an ordinary pig *brushes off
dust*
Mehgth: ok
Mehgth: *wipes brow*  that would certainly be
frightening... flying TLP's...*shivers*  maybe some of
his clones?
patchkhan1: LOL! they've escaped again!!
Mehgth: OH NO!
patchkhan1: *begins to flap arms* I've gotta catch
'em!
Mehgth: TAKE COVER *hides under desk*
patchkhan1: *runs off cliff hoping to fly*
patchkhan1: I can do it I can do it I
caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
Mehgth: *quickly attaches parachute and catches
Patches right before she hits the ground*  OH NO I
FORGOT TO PULL THAT STRING!
patchkhan1: *smushed voice* I've fallen and I can't
get up
Mehgth: oh gomen *moves off top of Patches*
Mehgth: I guess I should have remembered to pull the
string... *sheepish grin*
Mehgth: Well thanks for catching my fall!
patchkhan1: go away.... just go away *walks away ala
accordion style*
Mehgth: ROFL
Mehgth: *sticks hose in Patchie's mouth and begins
pumping up air*
patchkhan1: *speaks in squeaky mouse voice* Iie! That
be helium you dum dum!  I've been filled with helium!
Mehgth: *hands fly to hips*  WELL at least you aren't
an accordion anymore!
Mehgth: JEEZ  some APPRECIATION!
patchkhan1: *speaks in Munchkin voice* I don't wanna
be filled with helium!  *Waddles away*
Mehgth: hmm... *thinks*
Mehgth: maybe if I fill ya with hot air you'll rise...
and...
patchkhan1: No!
patchkhan1: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
patchkhan1: *squeaks again* stay away!!!
Mehgth: *grins evilly*  YOu know I'm not evil Mehg for
nothing... *advances slowly towards Patches with new
hose*
patchkhan1: Noooooooooooo!
patchkhan1: *begins to waddle away faster*
Mehgth: *grins*  you sound so funny squeaky like
that...
Mehgth: *sprints after her*
patchkhan1: *mutters* darn girl smushes me, fills me
to the *brim* with helium and is now making me waddle
like a freakin' duck!!
patchkhan1: *looks back to see advancing evil mehg*
patchkhan1: STAY AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Mehgth: QUACK QUACK!
Mehgth: *lunges and pops hose in mouth*
patchkhan1: mmph mmph!!!
Mehgth: hold still a sec... this will only take a
second...
patchkhan1: mpphooo
Mehgth: *pumps up air*
patchkhan1: mphooo!!!
Mehgth: *watches as Patches begins to rise off the
ground*
patchkhan1: mmpppppphh!!!!!!
Mehgth: *grabs Patchie's hand and enjoys the ride up*
patchkhan1: *pulls out pin*
patchkhan1: POP!
Mehgth: ITAI!!!!!
patchkhan1: *Patch falls with Mehg on the bottom*
patchkhan1: MUUUUUUUUUUHAHAHAHHAAH
patchkhan1: oh my what was that splat noise I heard?
Mehgth: *glares up at Patch*
patchkhan1: Aaaaaah lovely ground
Mehgth: you know we were almost to the top of that
cliff!!!
Mehgth: that YOU just HAD to jump off of...
patchkhan1: oh damn... that was the original purpose
Mehgth: *thinks dejectedly* now how are we going to
get back up?
patchkhan1: oooops
Mehgth: *points finger*  I BLAME YOU!
Mehgth: AND IT IS YOUR FAULT!
patchkhan1: well damn, guess it's your turn dearie!
muuuuuuhahaha *cackles*  come here my pretty
aaaaaahahahahahahah
Mehgth: YOUR turn to think of a way up!
Mehgth: *takes one look and... RUNS*
patchkhan1: *grabs hose and starts to sing* if at
first you don't succeed....
*grabs Mehg by the collar before she can run and pops
hose in*
patchkhan1: brush yourself of and try again
Mehgth: MPPHHHHH
Mehgth: *reaches for the hose*
patchkhan1: noooooooo!
patchkhan1: don't you dare!
patchkhan1: *sings again* I believe I can fly!!!
patchkhan1: I believe I can touch the sky*
Mehgth: *pulls on the hose* and then blows around
everywhere like a balloon*
patchkhan1: Think about it every... every.. well damn
I forgot the rest
Mehgth: Itai.. *rubs head*
patchkhan1: well, there goes that one
Mehgth: I know!
Mehgth: let's just use the escalator!
Mehgth: *points to escalator*
patchkhan1: wow... never even noticed it!
Mehgth: me neither... *is in awe*
patchkhan1: buuuuuhahahaha, last one's a rotten
bishounen!!
Mehgth: HEY... no fair!!!
Mehgth: I don't wanna be Noriko!!!!
Mehgth: *charges after Patches*
patchkhan1: *sprints away* tooo bad!
Mehgth: I"M NOT GAY!
patchkhan1: Hah!
patchkhan1: LOL!!!!
Mehgth: *catches up and pulls Patch back by her
collar*
patchkhan1: glad to hear it
patchkhan1: heeeeeeeeey!
patchkhan1: stop!
Mehgth: *starts running up the escalator*
Mehgth: heeeeeeyyyyyyy.... why aren't I going
anywhere?
patchkhan1: *steps on Mehg's jeans and get them caught
in escalator*
patchkhan1: BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mehgth: *notices that it's going down*
Mehgth: ACK!  *is sucked underneath*
patchkhan1: BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAA
Mehgth: *butt kisses ground*
patchkhan1: *blows kiss* see ya later stinky animator!
patchkhan1: eeeh... well I tried to make it rhyme
Mehgth: *grabs onto Patchie's shirt and pulls down*
Mehgth: *watches Patch fall with a satisfying smirk
and runs towards the 'UP' escalator*
patchkhan1: *bumps on butt all the way down*
patchkhan1: ouch
patchkhan1: ouch
patchkhan1: ouch
patchkhan1: ouch
patchkhan1: *sees Mehg run up past her and catches on
one leg* Goooooooing up!!
Mehgth: *reads*  Gomen, due to malfunction of
someone's tampering with escalator it won't work...
patchkhan1: Mush!
Mehgth: *turns and glares down at Patches*
Mehgth: NOW WHAT EINSTEIN???
patchkhan1: *whimpers*
patchkhan1: Ummm we start jumping?
Mehgth: *highly sarcastic*  hai... that's a great
idea!
patchkhan1: Well I don't see you suggesting anything
better! *starts to jump*
Mehgth: *rolls eyes* *counts to ten*  ok great... I'm
stuck down at the
bottom of a cliff... with an idiot... that JUMPED OFF
THE CLIFF--one two...threee...
patchkhan1: and is now trying to jump back up! :-D
patchkhan1: can I help you count?
patchkhan1: cuatro
patchkhan1: cinco
patchkhan1: seis
patchkhan1: siete
patchkhan1: ocho
patchkhan1: nueve
patchkhan1: diez!!!!
Mehgth: *taps foot annoyed*  OH what's this *pulls out
mallet Ely leant her earlier*
patchkhan1: Iiiiiiiieee!!
patchkhan1: *jumps harder*
Mehgth: *hides it behind her back*  Patches... I need
you--*cough*you'regonnadie*cough*  can you come hear
for a second?
Mehgth: *sweet innocent smile*
patchkhan1: stay away evil mehg! stay
awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Mehgth: *pulls out mallet and runs after Patches*
patchkhan1: Nooooooo!! *jumps away* I will get to the
top! I will get to the top!
Mehgth: hey!!!  wai!
Mehgth: I figured it out!
Mehgth: we can just wish our way out!
patchkhan1: *jumps back* what is it?
patchkhan1: ooh
Mehgth: *pulls on ruby slippers*
Mehgth: you have a pair ne?
patchkhan1: *closes eyes and taps ruby slippers*
patchkhan1: hai hai!
patchkhan1: *there's no place like up there*
patchkhan1: there's no place like up there
Mehgth: *grabs Patchie's hand*  there's no place like
up there... there's no place like up there...
patchkhan1: *twilight zone music*
Mehgth: *jumps up and down*  WE made it Patches!! 
we're at the top!!!!
Mehgth: *squints*  hey isn't that... ACK!  is it the
clone???
patchkhan1: saaaaay what?!
patchkhan1: that evil evil thing got us into this mess
the first place!!
Mehgth: HAI!
Mehgth: *points to it* should we throw it over the
side?
patchkhan1: *looks back to edge of cliff and turns
back with feral grin*  whyyyyyy not, let's see how
fast it can fly... going down! muuuuuhahahhhaa
Mehgth: *grins like a maniac*
Mehgth: Lets... *points to it*  GO!
Mehgth: *runs towards it and grabs left arm*  Patches
you take the right...and let's give him the old heave
ho...
patchkhan1: bwaaaaaahahaha, here chicky chicky chicky!
heeeeeeeeere clone clone clone!
Mehgth: One *swings it over the side*  Two *swings it
towards the ground*  OY
Patches... on three let go ne?
patchkhan1: Hai!
patchkhan1: one....
Mehgth: two...
patchkhan1: threee!!
patchkhan1: oh whoops
patchkhan1: forgot the two
Mehgth: *lets go*
patchkhan1: WOO HOO! watch him fly!!!
Mehgth: I got it.. *High fives Patches*
Mehgth: *Looks down at mess at bottom of cliff* ITAI
I'm soooo glad I'm not it...
Mehgth: *rubs eyes*  Hey wait a sec... isn't that??? 
OH KAMI NO!
patchkhan1: *raises eyebrow* Excuse me,
Miss-I-had-no-qualms-about-landing-on-Patch-and-totall-mushing-her
Mehgth: Heeeeeeyyyyy you did the same to me!!!!
Mehgth: Patches... look it's not one of TLP's
clones... I think it's *gasp*
patchkhan1: It's...
patchkhan1: It's...
patchkhan1: *covers mouth* Uh oooooh
Mehgth: uh oh... *looks away*
patchkhan1: Oh my... this is... this is just bad
Mehgth: just once I wanted to have my hands on his
body... and look what I did!!!!  I THREW HIM OVER A
CLIFF!!!!
patchkhan1: *tears up* I helped too! We can share the
blame *sobs*
Mehgth: *backs up a few steps*  *starts to run towards
edge of cliff*  HANG ON MAMO-CHAN I'M COMING!!!!
patchkhan1: NOooooooo1
patchkhan1: I'm going first!
Mehgth: ACK!  Patches... we don't want to go back down
there...
patchkhan1: *pulls Mehg back* I'm coming
Mamo-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Mehgth: *latches onto Patchie's hand*
Mehgth: ARE YOU LISTENING???
Mehgth: Let's just... umm... go back to whatever we
were doing before!
patchkhan1: *turns back with trembling lips* We killed
him Mehg
Mehgth: *pats back*  I know... but maybe it was just
one of HIS clones???
patchkhan1: *sees clone walk by* no, *that's* his
clone...
Mehgth: *hands fly up to mouth in horror*
Mehgth: well... we have gotten rid of him a few other
times... maybe not us personally... but you know... I
think one more time isn't going to kill him... *looks
down at mess... violently looks away*  *gulps* or
not...
patchkhan1: it was worth a try, Mehg... but we can't
deny it... this was the worst of the worst
Mehgth: *sighs and sits dejectedly*  hai...
Mehgth: demo-- *perks up*  It was a nice fun way to
spend our evening ne???
patchkhan1: *smiles and nods happily* Hai it was!
Definitely an adventure!
Mehgth: *grins*  another time ne?
Mehgth: but I think that this should conclude this
one... what do you think?
patchkhan1: Of course! Same time and same... er maybe
not same place
patchkhan1: I think so
Mehgth: hmm... next time a meat packing factory... O_o
that might get a little messy...
patchkhan1: Oysh... *shudders*
patchkhan1: Wonder how he'll get there
Mehgth: WELL then I guess we best be ending this ne? 
... and so let's go my friend...
patchkhan1: off into the sunset
Mehgth: *walks away from cliff where a big puddle of
Mamo-chan rests at the bottom*
Mehgth: Hai after you!
patchkhan1: No, no after you
Mehgth: *sighs* if you insist... starts walking...
patchkhan1: Hey wait up!
Mehgth: *looks behind shoulder*
Mehgth: *grins*
patchkhan1: Oooooooh no!
Mehgth: *ZOOMS off*
patchkhan1: *gets Roadrunner legs* Beep beep!
Mehgth: El Fin...



46.  Urban Legend Outtakes Part 1:
Mehg's AN: This and the next one are outtakes from a
fic I co-wrote with TLP: you can find the whole thing
at my site: www.geocities.com/mehgth_gem  THANK YOU
KIREI MY LOVE ^_^

"Let's get those flashlights, shall we?" Haruka
ventured. 

"Sure. Where are they Usako?" Mamoru asked, gently
looking down at Usagi. 

"Over there by Agent Scully. In the cupboard above the
washer."

Mamoru directed his gaze towards the agent and then
gently pried Usagi's arms off of him. Throwing a
menacing look at Mulder he jumped down off the
shelves. Mulder raised his hands in surrender then as
soon as Mamoru had his back turned, grinned at Usagi
suggestively. Usagi scowled at the ecchi and then
sought comfort from Haruka. "It's alright Neko-chan.
Mamoru-san will be fine." 'I hope.' She directed in
her eyes towards her Michiru. 

Mamoru trudged through the murky water towards the
direction of the beam of light and Scully. "Agent
Scully?" he whispered placing his hand on her
shoulder. Scully bolted up and fell backwards. Mamoru
bent down to help her and apologized profusely. 

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that-" 

Mamoru wasn't listening his eyes had caught sight of
what Scully had been so immersed in. He peered into
the washer and pulled a flashlight from the cupboard
above. Flicking on the switch he shone the light into
the water. "GGGGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dropping
the washer's lid it fell onto his head with a clang
and Mamoru was knocked unconscious with his head
submerged in the mixture. 

Scully reacted like lightening and tried to pull him
out- but he was too heavy. 

"MULDER! Get over here!" 

Mulder seemed not to hear her. He had his arms full of
Ami who was still grieving over Ryo. Grinning wickedly
he tilted his head towards Scully. "Eh?" 

"Agent Mulder we have a bit of an emergency!" She
yelled her arms around Mamoru's waist trying to pull
him free. 

"Oh... right." 

"NANI? NANI? NANI? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY
MAMO-CHAN?" Usagi shrieked. 

Scully looked desperate and Mulder jumped off the
shelving and waded over towards her. Wrapping his arms
around her waist he tugged with her. Mulder grinned
and moved his hands upward an inch. With a forceful
kick of Scully's high-heel into his knee he stopped
his wandering hands instantly. Then exerting teamwork
they tugged and pulled until Chiba Mamoru's head was
free from the washer and the lid banged down. 

Usagi dashed off the shelves and ran as best she could
through the water towards Mamoru. 

Criminologist: Yes the man caught sight of the
horrible gruesome sight that Agent Scully had
discovered, and had in shock found him self,
unconscious. Unconscious the man started to drown in
the disgusting material and Agent Scully tried a
desperate rescue attempt. Tugging and pulling she
tried to release the man from his doomed state.
*sucking in his breath* however help did not arrive
soon enough. The man-- *interrupted by Usagi's
wailing* unfortunately died. Yes the grief the young
girl felt at the death of her beloved brought tears to
everyone's eyes, and they also had to cover their
ears. 



47.  Urban Legend Outtakes Part II 
Mehg's AN: And hereÕs another one :)

Mamoru hugged Usagi to him and stared into the
darkness. 

"Don't worry Usako. I promise everything will be
alright." 

"Oh, Mamo-chan..." sobbed Usagi. 

Suddenly a familiar telephone booth appeared out of
nowhere. Mamoru glanced up and a look of horror
covered his features. Roughly shoving Usagi out of the
way he stared up at the quickly falling booth... and--


Criminologist: *winces* Ouch... well hopefully he
didn't feel anything for very long... 

Usagi, horror-struck watched mindlessly as the booth
doors were roughly shoved open. Sailor Lead Crow
stepped forth with Sailor Aluminum Siren flanking her
side. "Well... we knew what you did last summer and we
came back to get revenge... demo-" Her eyes moved over
behind her to the telephone booth where Mamoru's feet
were sticking out from the bottom. Was that red and
white striped stockings he wore? "I guess we already
did." She laughed evilly and then her and Siren got
back into the booth. 

"Sayonara Sailor Moon!" Sailor Aluminum Siren called
as the booth disappeared and Mamoru's crushed body was
left smushed into Usagi's living room rug.



48.  And The Phone Rang  By: Lazuli 
AN: Somehow Mehg dragged me into this mess...
*sweatdrop* Listening to about an hour of fics were
Mamoru meets an untimely end, I added my own idea that
had popped out of my mind. So here it is, inspired the
Stars Season, and my one of my favorite villains in
it. Enjoy, minna! And yes... this is out of it... b/c
Mamoru already died... but let's be redundant.

Sailor Iron Mouse ran around the train, hiding from
the phone that was constantly ringing. She had to
escape Galaxia! She couldn't let the phone catch up to
her! She spotted the man running up a ladder and she
followed him. Ah! An escape route! She ran after him,
not noticing the phone vanished again, and she was
thrilled that she finally outsmarted Galaxia. 

"Hey, you! Wait up! I need to talk to you! Where are
you going?" Iron Mouse shouted to the tuxedo clad man.
The man turned and his eyes widened. 

"Stay away from me!" He shouted, and started to run
again. Iron Mouse narrowed her eyes, and was about to
hop the other way (after all Galaxia couldn't catch
her in the air) when she heard a familiar ringing. She
turned around and noticed the phone tucked under the
man's arms. She ran after the strange guy, who was
just picking up the phone. "Moshi moshi? This is
Mamoru." She heard him say. She screamed in fury as he
held out the phone to her. "It's for you, Iron Mouse."
He said brightly. "It's someone named Galaxia." 

Iron Mouse launched herself at him, grabbing the phone
from the Mamoru's arms, beating him over the head with
the receiver. Mamoru eyes got little swirlies in them
as the little villainess beat him over and over with
the dreaded ringing phone. When it became apparent
that he wasn't going to say anything more, she sat up,
satisfied, only to scream in horror when Galaxia
appeared. 

"You killed him!" She muttered, glaring at Iron Mouse.
"Now I can't take his star seed! Oh, well.. I'll just
revive him again." She snapped her fingers and Mamoru
awoke to find himself staring at a woman who glinted
in the bright sun. He was only able to look at her for
a few moments when she raised up her hands and her
bracelets glinted as well. 

Mamoru had only a second to whisper a name as he hit
the top of the train once again. "Motoki..." 



49.  Simmer to a Boil?  By:  Mehg
AN: Just think if Episode 136 only ended like this... 

It was very fortunate that Mamoru was given a place to
stay at The Hikawa shrine.  After that last study
session with Usako and her friends... he sighed. 
Thinking about all the problems of today made him a
little weary.  He decided to take a bath. 

He padded down the halls and entered the bathroom.  He
turned on the water and then waited for it to get
warmer.  Nothing happened.  Opening the steam vent he
noticed that no one was attending the fire.  Just then
Yuuichiro's head popped up. 

"Komban'wa Chiba-san." 

Mamoru nodded in reply.  "Would you mind warming my
bath?" 

Yuuichiro nodded and threw a few logs inside the
furnace.  He blew through a straw and flared up the
flames. 

"Arigato."  Mamoru's head ducked underneath the vent
and the little window closed.  He began removing his
clothes and poured a few bath salts into the water. 

It was Rei's normal bath-time.  She gathered her
things and walked down the hallways towards the
bathroom.  Opening the door she received a huge shock!
 Mamoru stood with his back facing her absolutely
naked!  She shrieked, and ran from the room, Mamo-chan
was horrified and jumped into the bath water. 

Yuuichiro observed everything and ran outside to where
the fire was.  He began tossing on logs and urged the
fire to blaze!  "HOW DARE THAT MAN SHOW REI-Ó He
screamed in frustration and kept on throwing logs,
increasing the temperature of the water gradually. 

Mamoru jumped out of the water immediately.  That was
a close one with Rei.  He decided to wait until the
water was warm enough and took his time shaving, and
performing other necessities. 
Meanwhile Yuuichiro had successfully brought the bath
water to a boil. The bubble bath that Mamoru had added
concealed the bubbling steamy water. 

Then it happened.  Mamoru heard the door start to
open.  Not wanting to take another chance he jumped
into the water again.  Unfortunately the water was
boiling.  Mamoru tried to get out immediately but he
kept on slipping.  And so, due to Yuuichiro's
jealously, Mamo-chan was boiled alive. 



50.  Jealous Rage  By:  Shana
AN: Mamoru is far too over confident sometimes, itÕs
time for TLP to knock him back down to size!

Mamoru was sitting on his couch, drinking a Fat Tire,
watching ESPN, and having an all around fun time. 
Outside his front door, hordes of SMRFFer's were
pounding and screaming, trying to see their obsession.
His Usako was at home, undoubtedly dreaming about him,
and he knew all the Senshi were secretly in love with
him.  He was a happy man.  

But then Baka (TLP) had to go and ruin it all.  He
killed Mamoru!  Why Baka?  Why did you
kill Mamo-chan?

"Because he gets more girls than me" was the simple
reply.

Baka!!!


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Stay tuned for more . . .