(by Darth_Fruitcake)

Knock, knock, knock.

Jaina groaned, put on her bathrobe, and trudged to the front door and swung it open. Outside were five tall aliens, one female, four males. The tallest and most evil looking stepped inside.

"I am Supreme Overlord Shimrra; this is Warmaster Tsavong Lah, his girlfriend Seef, the traitor Vua Rapuung, and Shedao Shai. I would have brought Nom Anor along, but he's doing some big-budget movie called Lord of the Rings. We are seeking the one they call Jacen Solo.... he stole Tsavong Lah's teddy bear."

At this, Tsavong broke down and began sobbing. "Mister Snuggles!!!"

Seef placed an arm around his shoulders and comforted him.

"Okay," Jaina said, seriously disturbed. "My brother is out with his girlfriend, and my uncle is with Dooku and Palpy at the hospital. Dad's at work, Mom is cleaning the kitchen, Anakin is Ben-sitting, and Grandpa and Gramma are snuggling on the couch with the latest edition of Martha Stewart." She paused, then added, "And the droids are washing the cars."

"INFIDELS!" Shedao Shai cursed. "Abominations to Yun-Yuuzhan."

Vua rolled his eyes. "Do you have any antibiotics? My scars are festering again..."

Jaina sighed and grimaced. "Come on inside; ignore our technology and the idiots out in the front yard."

"You mean the ones with that one guy with the blue and red suit with the atomic wedgie?" Shimrra asked.

Jaina sighed again. "You got it."

**********

(by Marawannabe)

~*~*~*~*~

"So, Jacen stole your teddy bear?" Jaina wrinkled her nose at the sight of Lah's festering arm as she handed him the antibiotics.

Tsavong Lah stoically lifted his head, but to no avail. The tears in his eyes soon overflowed. "Oh Sheef! Mr. Snuggles!!!" he sobbed.

"There, there. We will have our revenge against the jeedai." she murmured softly.

"But, but, but..." Lah sniffed loudly. "He was my inspiration!!!" he wailed loudly.

"Oh brother." Jain a sighed.

"You called?" Jacen stuck his head in the door.

"YOU!!!"

"Uh-oh."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Vader and Padme glanced up from Martha Stewart Living as Han and Luke walked in the door.

"You know kid, I think I like him better that way."

"Thanks, the underwear on the outside was getting annoying." Luke grinned. "Hey Dad, hi Mom."

Vader looked at Padme lovingly. "Sweet Angel, I need to talk to the boys alone."

"Sure, I'll just go help Leia in the kitchen." Padme glided from the room.

"I still can't believe that broad is going to have a baby." Han whispered to Luke, who snickered loudly.

"Sons..." Vader began solemnly, cut short by Han's next words.

"Oh, man! Don't call me your son! Please!!"

"Why not, son? I am your father-in-law."

"I know, but we just got over that Lady Vader thing with Leia, I don't want those Nogrhi to be--"

"Son of Vader." came a mewling voice from behind them.

"Yaaaaagh!!!!!" Han screamed and jumped into Luke's arms. "See???" his voice tinged with panic. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!"

"Son of vader, Son of Vader!!"

Han crammed his hands over his ears. "MAKE THEM STOP!!! Make the voices STOOOOPPPPP!!!!" He ran from the room in terror, the Nogrhi hot on his heals.

"Son of Vader!"

"Huh. That was wierd. You were saying Dad?" Luke said.

"Ah, yes. With your mother expecting again, we can't ask you and Son of Vader over there--"

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"To continue to provide for us." Vader went on without missing a beat. "I need a job."

Luke nodded. "Sure Dad, C'mon down to the station tomorrow, I think a phone company might have some openings for you."

"Thanks, son."

"Son of Vader, Son of Vader!!"

"Back you animals, before I beat you with my fruit hat!!!!!"

****************

(by Petertutham27)

"And now, we shall subjugate you to the ultimate torture!" said Supreme Overlord Shimrra to Jacen, who was currently strapped to a chair, eyes wide.

"For taking Mister Snuggles... you shall experience a torture worse than death!"

"No! NO!!!"

"Son of Vader! Son of Vader!"

"BACK! BACK! Don't make me get out the Indiana whip!"

"Honey, I'm going to get a job!"

"Remove the unworthy's shoe!"

"Huh?"

"SON OF VADER!"

"Well, not according to Martha...SHE says that art deco is soo out!"

"Jaina, I love you!"

"Oh God, not another one..."

"And now, Snuggles snatcher! Remove his sock!"

"I didn't take Snuggles!"

"That's MR. Snuggles to you!"

"And now- the feather!"

"NOOOOO!!!!"

"WICKET! WICKET!!!"

"I told you not to feed it after midnight!"

"Now! Stroke the feather on his foot!"

"AGH! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! NO MORE, PLEASE!"

"We've only begun! Bring in- the COUNTRY MUSIC!"

"But honey, I thought you were going to be a stay at home sith lord of the universe..."

"Son of Vader! Son of Vader!"

"Wait, isn't Luke called Son of Vader?"

"So what'll we call Han?"

"SON OF VADER JUNIOR!!!!"

"JUNIOR!"

"But Sweet Angel... I'm only doing it for you!"

"JUNIOR!"

"I HATE JUNIOR!"

"Wiiiiide Open Spaaaces....!"

Suddenly, they were all interrupted as a flaming piece of debris flew through the air and landed in their living room. It seemed to be an escape pod... Slowly, the hatch opened... A head peaked out...

"ET land, go boom!" it said...

Another short green alien was less than pleased...

"Torture, this is! The designated short alien, I am! Kick your butt I will!"

"ET taller than you."

"Going down, you are!"

"ET phone 911 for you!"

************

(by Tahiri)

Anakin was still reading Star by Star to Ben. Ben was on the other side of the room, intently watching Batman on TV.

"Are you listening?" Anakin demanded of his cousin.

"Ya..." Ben said, not even blinking at the TV as he spoke. "Read!"

"I'll read to you later, when you're not watching TV, okay?" Anakin tried to use his best gentle voice. He just didn't want to be there right now. He stood and started to leave.

"NO!"

And all of a sudden, he found himself plastered to the ceiling.

"Down, Ben!"

"READ!" The book was floated up to him.

"Oh, fine, fine," Anakin snapped, flipping through the book again. The part they were at disturbed Anakin. It made him wonder.... "'Nom Anor rushed for the detonator again. Anakin waited, waited until the executor was almost on it, then reached out with the Force one last time, rolling the sphere toward the cargo pod. He did not hear the angry curse that followed, nor did he see Nom Anor fleeing at a dead run. By then, Anakin was gone.'"

Anakin nearly lost his grip on the book.

"'Nikin dead!" Ben cried out gleefully, clapping his hands together. Anakin fell to the floor, not even using the Force to cushion his fall. He landed on his back and groaned.

"Ow! Ben, stop doing that!"

"Dead!"

Anakin shivered. He considered calling for his mom or dad, but he knew they wouldn't come if they knew he was all right. So he settled for the faster approach: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

There was a complete silence, but Anakin felt rather than heard the rumbling of the floors. From all sides, doors opened, windows flew up, and heads peeked in.

"What did you do now, Ben?"

"*snort* Infidel cowards, screaming because of the mere child...."

"Grandson of Vader!"

"Not him, too! Spare my son!"

"'Sup, lil' brotha?"

Suddenly a booming voice silenced them. "What is wrong, child?"

Anakin smiled a little at his grandfather Vader. They had a close connection, with Anakin being his namesake and all.

"They killed me, Grandpa," Anakin said, hefting the big book. "They cut me up from the inside."

"Downtouch," Yoda said from somewhere behind Count Dooku and Palpatine.

Everyone stared at Yoda. He laughed. "He he ha ha hmmmmmm...."

Obi-Wan placed his hand on Yoda's head and turned him around, pushing him gently away from the room.

"Hmmm? Not want me here, do you?" Yoda asked everyone.

Everyone hastily shook their heads.

Yoda laughed again. "He he ha ha hmmmm..." He quieted down, but everyone still stared at him, expecting him to say something else or leave. He didn't. After a few minutes, they turned back to Anakin.

"What do you mean, they cut you up from the inside?" Vader asked, his voice growing threatening.

"I got internal bleeding," Anakin said, pointing at the book feebly. "And I WAS GONE!!!!"

Vader hastily grabbed the book from his grandson's hands, and flipped to the page Anakin told him to go to. Everyone stood watching, to see if Anakin's fears were true.

Vader stood still for a moment, then said, "Angel?"

"Yes, dear?" she asked, coming up beside him.

He handed the book to her. "Outloud, please. You know I cannot see very well through this blasted helmet of mine."

"Yes, dear," Padme said. "'Nom Anor rushed for the detonator again. Anakin waited, waited until the executor was almost on it, then reached out with the Force one last time, rolling the sphere toward the cargo pod. He did not hear the angry curse that followed, nor did he see Nom Anor fleeing at a dead run. By then, Anakin was gone.'"

Everyone stood still in shock. "See?" Anakin asked tearfully. Padme flipped towards the end, checking pages as she went along. She sniffled as she did so.

"Well," she said, her voice thick, as she bent forward in front of Anakin and held his arms. "It's not that bad, sweetie, Jaina went back for your body, and...."

"'Nikin dead!" Ben exclaimed. "Nommy Nor killed Niki!"

Nom Anor suddenly felt threated as every eye turned to him. He held his hands up. "It wasn't me!" he yelped.

He let go of his grip on Jacen's foot and ran away.

Vua Rapuung snorted and followed after Nom Anor, much more calm. Tsavong Lah backed away, followed by Supreme Overlord Shimrra, Seef, and Shadao Shai.

There was a very awkward silence that followed after the Yuuzhan Vong had left.

"Thanks, Anakin," Jacen said, on the floor. "If it wasn't for you, then I would have been tortured more."

For the next few hours everyone offered their sympathy. They had even set up a buffet table with chips and snacks, and turned on a football game, just to show how much Anakin mattered to them, but Anakin just wasn't into it. Actually, he figured that all had been forgotten about him since his grandmother had brought out a bowl of dip and chips.

"Here," Leia said, handing him a glass of orange juice. "Drink this, it'll make you feel better...."

"I'm dead," Anakin pointed out.

"Yes, well," Leia said reluctantly, feeling relieved she had her years of diplomatic training to fall back on, "besides that."

Anakin left the room that night and went to bed. In the darkness of his room, he thought. He remembered how he had hacked into government web sites a while back, and how Dutch had saved him from being arrested. I wonder what those FBI agents are doing now?

He had a plan.

****************

(by Qwi_Xux)

"That was great!"

"Did you see that monster?"

"I liked when Gandalf fell! That rocked!"

"OH! OH! Legolas was soooo dreamy!"

At the last comment, everyone turned to look at Jaina. She had a dazed, starry-eyed look.

"Oh, no. Uh-uh. Not another guy." Han shook his head. "This will not happen."

"Jacen!" A discreet whisper said in his ear.

Jacen turned to glance at his fiancee. "Yes, Siri?"

"I don't think Yoda likes me! He keeps humming and laughing at me!" Siri murmured, shooting glances at Yoda.

"Ignore him. He's been doing it all afternoon. I think it has something to do with him." Jacen pointed to ET.

"ET see moooovie." The little alien beamed.

"But, Daddy...he was so gorgeous!"

"Han, don't worry. He was only a character on a movie." Leia admonished.

"Ummm...good day, dear gentlemen, ladies and...um, creatures from afar." A new voice interrupted. "I couldn't help but notice you in the theater. You looked...most interesting."

Jaina spun around and gasped, her jaw dropping and her eyes widening. "LEGOLAS????"

The elf smiled at her. "That is I. And you would be...?"

"I'm...um...here. Yeah." Blushing furiously, Jaina ducked her head. "Sorry. Jaina. Jaina Solo. Yeah. That's me."

"Oh, dear Force." Mara groaned. She grabbed Jaina's shoulder. "Snap out of it, girl!"

"Aunt Mara, LOOK AT HIM!"

"I know, he's sexy, but--"

"HEY!" Luke exclaimed indignantly.

"SEXY! SEXY!" Ben laughed. He pointed, and Legolas flew six feet into the air.

"BEN!" Four voices shouted.

Ben allowed Legolas to fall to the ground.

"Mara!" Luke shouted. "Look what you're teaching our son!"

"Well, if you would pay a little more attention to me instead of those Force-forsaken 'how to have a firmer body' books you MIGHT be a little--"

"SON OF VADER! JUNIOR! GRANDSON OF VADER!" Several Noghri danced around the group, causing Han to clasp his head and moan in agony.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! Leia!"

"Don't look at me! You're the one who married into my family! I can't help it if you're the son-in-law of Vader."

"SON-IN-LAW OF VADER! SON-IN-LAW OF VADER!"

"This isn't going to happen to me when I marry you, is it?" Siri asked nervously.

"We'll live faaar away from my family." Jacen replied assuringly.

"Hey, so, you wanna grab some coffee or something?" Jaina blinked coyly at Legolas.

The elf beamed. "That would be most welcome!"

"Maybe later you can show me how to shoot that bow of yours." Jaina was much more in control of her voice now, and she motioned to the weapon that was attached to Legolas's back.

Han groaned and fell to his knees as the two of them took off.

"HOME! NOW!" He shouted.

~*~

The Rejects(TM) watched carefully from the street as Legolas finally dropped Jaina off at home. "The dirty sneak stole our girl!" Zekk exclaimed indignantly.

"Who stole your girl?" An unfamiliar voice questioned.

The Rejects spun around to face a man with dark hair and a beard. "Who on Coruscant are you?" Jag demanded.

The man raised his eyebrows and leaned back. "Not on Coruscant. My name is Aragorn, and I'm from Middle Earth."

The Rejects hissed. "That's where that bantha spit is from--the one who stole our girl."

"His name is Legs something."

Aragorn tilted his head. "Legolas?"

"HIM!" Darth Maul touched his double-bladed lightsaber. "HE SHALL DIE!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Aragorn held out his hands. "I like Legolas. He's saved my life, and the life of my friends. He--"

"Blah, blah, blah." Boba moved his hand in a talking motion. A moment later he found a sword at his throat.

"You dare dishonor my friend?" Aragorn asked quietly.

"EEK! NO! NO!" Boba squealed. "It's just...HEY! Who's that?"

Everyone turned their attention on the house again.

"It looks like...Anakin!" Kyp observed.

"What's he doing?" Jag wondered.

"Sneaking out." Zekk rolled his eyes. "Duh."

Jag hit Zekk. "Don't DUH me!!"

Zekk Force-blasted Jag. "Don't HIT ME!"

Aragorn held up his hands. "STOP!" He shook his head in amazement. "Are you men always like this? No wonder you don't have your girl!"

The Rejects surrounded him threateningly. "Are you dissing us?" Kyp tried to sound menacing and failed horribly.

"Not at all. You just need to have some lessons. You need to learn manners. You need to learn out to treat a lady." Aragorn elaborated.

The Rejects looked at each other, dumbfounded. "Really?"

"Does it work?"

"Do you have a girl?"

Aragorn smiled. "Yes, I do. But that's not your concern right now. I will not help you steal anyone from Legolas, as he is as close as a brother. I will, however, teach you how to properly court a girl. Are you interested?"

The Rejects were already captivated.

~*~

Anakin Solo glanced over his shoulder at the house. It was three in the morning, but he had managed to escape the house without even touching Grampa's roses. Grinning, he ran off.

**************

(by Marawannabe)

In a dark garage across the street from the Skwalker/Solo home, something was happening. A new sign hung from the door to the garage.

Courtship 101 - How to get (and keep) the Girl of Your Dreams.

"Why the heck did he make a sign?" Maul leaned close to Boba to ask.

Boba shrugged. "I have no idea."

Strider clapped his hands for attention and the front of the room. "All right gentlemen. For our first class we are going to take a field trip."

"At three o'clock in the morning?" Kyp asked.

Strider pinned him to the wall with a single look. "Are you questioning my authority?" his voice was filled with quiet danger.

Kyp's eyes filled with fear. He dropped to his knees. "No! Of course not. Forgive me!" he wailed.

Strider sniffed. "All right you are forgiven."

(15 minutes later outside of a local Starbucks)

"Look at all these chicks! Who knew that Starbucks was this popular?" Zekk whispered in amazement.

All the rejects looked at Aragorn in awe.

"Wow." they all breathed.

"All right." Strider stepped forward. "I know you need alot of work, but I want to see you guys try to pick up a girl, ok?"

All the Rejects grinned. "HUDDLE!!!" Superman shouted.

"Ok, we have to do this right!"

"Yeah, I don't want to disappoint our new Master."

"Hey, Force junkie, watch it!"

"Who you calling Force junkie, you little per--"

"Guys! Hello? Girls?"

"Oh, right."

"You know the plan?"

A choruses of yesses were heard.

"Ok, Break!"

Strider already looked slightly discouraged. "Well?"

"We're ready, oh Master." Kyp said. He looked to his companions and nodded. "Ready, go!"

"AHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Hey, you! C'mere!"

"What are you doing?? PUT ME DOWN!!!"

"Hiya lady, want to--"

"Hey! I saw her first!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Look Master Aragorn! I got one!!!"

"Put me down before I kick you where the sun don't shine!!!"

"Why did you have to mention my name???"

"I'm gonna scream!!!"

"Hey, c'mon Baby."

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(a while later)

"Yes Officer, I'm sorry about the inconvience. It won't happen again, upon my honor." Aragorn sighed.

"Better see that it don't. We convinced the 7 young women not to press charges. Told them you were all clinically insane."

"Good excuse as any."

All the Rejects snickered quietly as the officer left.

"Well gentlemen, I see that I am going to have to start at the very beginning." Strider said slowly, pronouncing his words very slowly and clearly.

He brought his hand out from behind his back, holding a very delicate rose. "This is a flower. Can you say flower?"

"Flower."

"Good! Now, what do you do with a flower?"

"I know, I know?"

"Ok, Maul," Strider said. "What do you do with a flower?"

"Stick it in your ear!"

"Um, no. Anyone else?"

Zekk stepped forward and took the rose from Strider. "I saw this on the holovid once. You stick it in your mouth and that some kind of ritual dance."

Zekk brought the rose to his lips and chomped down on the stem.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!! I've puncured my tongue!!! Help me! Somebody help me!"

"Somebody help him!" Kyp cried. "He'll never be able to french kiss again!!!"

(20 minutes later in Starbucks, after a quick trip to the Emergency room)

"Ok, gentlemen, listen up." Strider called for attention once more. "I am going to show you how it's done."

All the Rejects looked at him in awe.

"See that girl sitting in the booth all alone? We have established eye contact. I am going to walk over to her and say hello."

"How do you know she won't throw you out?" Zekk mumbled around his swollen tongue.

"With my scruffy good looks, and piercing blue, sometimes to appear brown depending on the light in the studio, eyes, I don't need help. I am the master of eye play, like the time I gave that bad white look to Boromir when he almost took the ring from Frodo on the mountain, or the close up shots on the scene with Arwen, but I digress.

I don't need help with my looks, or attracting female attention. You guys, do. Definitely."

"Wow." all the Rejects breathed as one.

***********************

(by Tahiri)

Anakin had a plan.

Yup.

He had a big plan, and it was a really good plan, too. He had come up with it right before he went to sleep, but when he woke up, he couldn't seem to remember it at all. So he decided to improvise.

The morning that his family was off to see some movie called "Hord of the Jewelry" or something like that. He hadn't really wanted to go, but he knew he'd be forced into it unless something was very wrong. So, he decided to fake sick. The hard way.

Sneaking into the bathroom, he turned the cold water on and let it run on his hands for a few minutes. Then he rubbed his eyes vigorously, obviously to give it a rubbed look. The more rubbed-ish eyes looked, the more messy he seemed, the better. He messed up his hair, and wet his face before drying it off.

He found his mother. "Mom," the eleven-year-old said, making sure his voice sounded quiet and whiny. "I feel sick." He took a second to make his body temperature rise with the Force.

Leia was frantic, meanwhile, trying to get dressed and ready in time for the movie. Practically slapping Anakin's forehead and knocking him backwards as she felt his temperature, she said, "Alright, you're staying home today. I'll make some chicken soup for dinner, sweetie...now go away." She proceeded to hurriedly put on some earrings and put on lipstick as Anakin left the room.

A little while later, he grinned evilly as the car pulled out of the driveway and everyone was gone.

After getting himself dressed and making himself look less hassled, he locked the door behind him and left the house. As he was sneaking away, he saw the Rejects "hiding" behind the bushes. He thought about calling out to them to warn them not to get into his grandfather's rose bushes, but decided that the more they interfered with the roses, the more likely it was that his grandfather would get rid of them...for GOOD.

But back to Anakin's plan.

Anakin ran up the street, and saw a man driving a silver, luxury mercedes-benz. Stopping by the window, he knocked and waited for the man to roll the window down.

"NO, I don't want to make any contributions to any sort of fund raiser," the man said. He started rolling the window back up.

Quickly, Anakin waved his hand in front of the man and called upon his Jedi training. "You will get out of the car and let me drive."

"I will not, you little brat," the man snapped back. Then he drove away.

Anakin stared after the man. Okay, so my Force control isn't the greatest...but I'm not even an apprentice yet!

He looked up and down the street, and waited for another car to speed by. Waving for the car to stop, it did, and he was faced with a man with black hair and a big grin on his face. He was wearing a badge that said "JAMES CARTER" in big lettering.

"Yo, kid," the man said. "What do you want?"

"I want your car," Anakin said honestly.

"And I oughta shoot you for holdin' me up," the man laughed. "No way, kid."

Anakin pulled out a pouchfull of credits. "Well, can you give me a ride, at least? I can pay you."

The man's eyes widened. "How much in there?"

"Half a million." Anakin was honest with the amount of credits in the pouch. His mission was very important.

The man cocked his head to the side, thought for a moment, then motioned for Anakin to get into the passenger seat. Anakin grinned and got in.

Anakin's plan was underway.

***************

(by Marawannabe)

Aragorn swaggered over to the young woman sitting at the booth. He hoped those rejects were taking good notes.

"Excuse me, mi'lady. May I sit here?"

The petite red-head gave him a shy grin and nodded.

Score one. Aragorn thought to himself. He brought his hand out from behind his back, offering the delicate rose to the woman.

"When I saw you, I knew it was for this reason I brought this flower tonight. But alas, not even it can surpass your beauty."

The woman shyly accepted the rose and murmured her thanks.

"Might I ask your name?" Aragorn slid into the booth beside her and took her hand in his. "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, but you can call me Strider."

The woman's eyes became very round. "I'm Jen."

"What a lovely name..."

One hour later...

"Um, Master, you missed a little of that lipstick." Kyp said, handing him a napkin, shaking his head in awe.

For the last hour, he and his fellows had watched the master. They had much to learn.

"Ab duh cundf bedibe dat." Zekk mumbled.

"What did he say?" Aragorn asked.

"I can't believe that." all the Rejects said as one.

"Will we be able to do that someday?" Boba asked hopefully.

"Someday," Aragorn thumped him on the back. "If you study hard and well."

"What's next???" Kyp asked eagerly.

"Ah, my young apprentices, you have yet to master the flower."

"Speaking of, where did you get that rose?" Maul asked thoughtfully. "I've only seen roses that beautiful in one place."

"I picked it from a garden in your neighborhood, why?" Aragorn replied.

"Uh-oh..."

"MY ROOOOOOSSSSEEEESSSSSS!!!!!"

"I was afraid of this!" Kyp shouted. "RUUUNNNNN!!!!"

**********

(by 2535)

"So, what did you think of the movie?" Dooku asked.

"I can't believe it! They only showed one shot of me as evil Bilbo and it only lasted one second!" Palpatine spat.

"Err, I was referring to the rest of it."

"Ohh, well, I honestly thought it was amazing. Nothing like a good epic masterpiece."

"How about that time I force-pushed Gandalf towards the roof?"

"That was the best force-push I'ver ever seen!" Palpatine cackled. "Vader wasn't bad at doing it. Maul," he snorted, "he had to put his hand an inch away from the guy's face before he did his. But you sent a guy ten stories into the air! Marvellous!"

"Although I honestly feel you would have been better as Gollum as opposed to that Nom Anor fellow," Dooku said.

"Yeah," Palpatine replied. "Couldn't that guy stand in front of a blue screen for at least one second? Instead we had to be flown all the way to New Zealand despite the fact that his scene could have been done at the local sound stage!"

Dooku shook his head. "Today's actors. They're too vain for their own good."

They continued to walk down the street. After a while, Palpatine started to get bored. "The night is young and I have nothing to do."

"We could go back to my place," Dooku suggested.

"I'm not into the kind of stuff you and your two mistresses get up to!"

"In that case, why don't we head down to the inter-species bar and grab a nice cold one?"

An idea suddenly popped into Palpatine's head. "What are we darksiders best at?"

"Speech?"

"No."

"Getting chicks?"

"Think with your brain."

"Controlling and manipulating the weak?"

"Warmer," Palpatine smiled.

Dooku's eyes went wide. He put his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber. "Killing people!"

"Let's go!"

* * *

"So she revealed the secret?" Qui-gon asked.

"Doesn't she now anything of consideration?" Obi-Wan sobbed. "Okay, so we are a group of repressed men - or aliens -but did she have to tell everyone?"

"How is Yoda dealing with it?"

"The poor guy has locked himself up in his bedroom. He hasn't came out since Eirtae spilled the beans," Mace replied.

"We should talk to him," Obi-Wan said.

The three Jedi master's approached the small door to Yoda's bedroom.

"Master?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Go away!" Yoda said.

As the small Jedi screamed, the sound of running could be heard outside.

"Run for your lives!"

"MY ROSES!!!"

"What the hell?" Mace said. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Mace stepped outside to see the Rejects and a Middle-Earth man on the run from none other than a lightsaber-wielding Vader.

"Should we help them?" Obi-Wan asked.

"That Aragorn person may be of help. He may provide the clue we need to solve the mystery of... our problems," Mace answered.

Qui-Gon opened the door. "In here quickly!" He ushered the rejects into the house. Once inside, Vader appeared in the front yard.

"Where are they?" he screamed.

Qui-Gon pointed to the other end of the street. "That way."

"They'll pay for this!"

Qui-Gon gently closed the door. He turned around and was startled by seeing the sight the familiar red and black tatoos.

"Is he gone?" Maul asked.

"Yes."

"Whew!" the rejects said in unison.

Aragorn turned to Qui-Gon. "Thankyou! How can we ever repay you?"

"That is something we'd like to discuss," Mace said. "As you may or may not know, we Jedi of the Old Republic adhere to a strict vow of-"

"Explode, I'm about to!!!" Yoda screamed.

Although his mask concealed it, one could tell that Boba was sneering. "So, the urban myth is true?"

"Yes," Qui-gon said in a calm, mature tone.

The rejects couldn't hold it any longer. They were rolling on the floor laughing off every part of their anatomy.

"Damn right you guys need help!" Maul said. "Man, my master told me that you guys were weak, but abstinent for life? Ha!"

"Guys please," Aragorn said, "this is a serious matter." He turned to the Jedi. "Listen as much as I'd like to help, I-"

Aragorn found himself choking as Obi-Wan hoisted him by the collar.

"Now you listen to me," Obi-Wan said, his voice containing a very un-jedi edge. "Let me ask you something. Elves are supposed to be immortal, right?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Obi-Wan tightened his grip. "Just try to imagine what things will be like when poor Arwen passes into immortality without EVER knowing the experience of a man's touch throughout her life. Now, think about how Master Yoda feels right now!"

"All right! I'll help!"

Obi-Wan released him. "How soon can you guarantee results?"

"Well, that depends," Aragorn said. "I'm already trying to get the rejects some dates, and it hasn't been working."

A low moan was heard from Yoda's room.

"ASAP," Mace said.

"Then let's get started."

*************

(by DarkLady27)

Vader looked like he was ready to pounce on anything. Looking at the missing

rose, he sobbed. In a huff he sat down in a yoga postion, crossed his arms

over his chest and decided to camp out until the Rose-nappers were found.

"If those mean, rose-nappers think they can mutilate my roses, they should've thought twice about it. I'll catch them and give them a good neck throbbing choke to wake them up. That'll teach them to mess with the Rose Master."

Meanwhile Padme watched with great interest as she saw her hubby stomp to the ground and protect his precious roses. "Um, dear.."

Vader turned to her but remained firmly planted.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm rose watching," he replied in a rather gruff voice.

"Uh huh......"

"What?"

"......... I think you should come inside, you worry me too much."

"But Padméééé!," he whined, "they're my babies! I have to protect them!"

"You're already getting a baby... "

"But.. but it isn't the same! I have a connection with them! We.. we understand each other! We're like kindred spirits---"

"Are you telling me these plants are more important than ME?" She began to huff and pace about.

"Nnnn NO! Never! I'm just saying that they're important to me, but you more."

She smiled sweetly. "Thank you. Now, have you at least decided what you're new job title is going to be other than a Dark Lord of the Sith and Rose Master

Extraordinaire?"

"Yup. I'm going to be... a Master in the Art of Gardening."

Meanwhile.... The Noghri were having a secret secret meeting to discuess the name of the new new Skywalker... in the back of Vader's Jaguar.

"These leather seats are mighty comfy," one partner in crime announced.

"Ok... What about the new new Skywalker? He/she deserves a name worthy of the name of Vader."

"Yessssss," they all hissed in agreement.

"Any suggestions?"

"Vader1!"

"No..."

"Vader2?"

"No...."

"Indiana Jones!"

"........Um...nooo."

"MOUSSSSE!!!"

"NO!!"

"Why in the heck would we name a child of Vader THAT?"

They mumbled.

"Um, the child of Vader?"

"I just said that."

"Oh."

"How about Mini Me, er, Mini Vader?"

"No..."

"Are there any real answers here?"

"Son of Vader2? Vader Mini Me? Gardner of Vader? Hand of Vader? Wife of Vader?

Hand of Vader? I know...PALPY!!"

"INCOMPETENCE!"

The members whimpered from their leader's harsh treatment.

"How can we name a worthy Vader if we don't know if it's a male or female?

we must find out before we can name a name worthy of Vader. We'll just have to use a spare for now."

They nodded in agreement.

"I know!," one piped up, "Anakin Jr.!"

Leader sighed. "There are already two Anakins. Using three would be simply

over-doing it."

Another member whined. "Can we rap this up? I wanna watch Baywatch!"

"Err...ok..."

"I have an idea. I HAVE AN IDEA!"

"Let's hear it!"

"How about .. the Rapper of Vader?"

"COOL!!" They all shouted at once.

"Then it's agreed. The name of the new new Skywalker (for the moment) shall be the Rapper of Vader! Now let us go watch Baywatch!"

*************

(by Marawannabe)

After sending Kyp to retrieve the Courtship 101 - How to get (and keep) the Girl of Your Dreams sign from the other house and nail it to the wall where they currently were, Aragorn cleared his throat for silence.

Kyp, Jagg, Dutch, Maul, Boba, Superman, Zekk (tongue still bandaged), new editions Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Mace, and listening through the bedroom door, Yoda all shut up.

"Yes, my Master." they all said as one.

"You know, a guy could get used to hearing that." Aragorn smiled. He turned to the dry erase board mounted on the wall behind him and wrote one word.

"Um, Master? What does balloon have to do with anything?" Kyp asked thoughtfully.

"Are you questioning my authority?" Aragorn yelled, sending everyone in the room into spirals of fear.

"No, no-nnnnooo, Master. We just don't get it!"

"Amatuers." Aragorn sighed. "Legolas gets the girl, and I get to train amatuers. Why me?"

"Umm, because you're not as pretty?"

"HEY!!!"

"You know, now that I think about it, Leggy does have better hair."

"Brotha, why the heck did you just call him Leggy."

"Something about his eyes there is too. Mmhhhmhmhh."

"I don't know, just felt like it."

"Did you see Orlando on Regis and Kelly???"

"Mph bubfueb fihfai fenlajs."

"Yeah, I think I like the brown mohawk better than the long blonde hair."

"He was almost as good looking as Obi here with the brunette thing going on."

"Why thank you."

"Gentleman. Are we quite done in regarding Legolas in this manner? I am here to teach you how to attract women am I not?"" Aragorn said impatiently.

"Ooh, one comment about his looks and it's Dark side Aragorn. Touchy."

"Watch it shrimp."

"Who you callin shrimp, Chicken Boy?"

"Chicken Boy? Say that to my face! Whoever said that!" Aragorn drew his sword threateningly and beckoned his unkown opponent to come forward.

~*~*~*~*~

"You know Honey..." Leia said to Han as they lay in bed. "I'm concerened about Anakin's welfare. He seems to be taking this death news hard."

"Mmm, go bon do?"

"Han." *slap* "Wake up, nerf herder! You need to go talk to your son."

"Hebidnfl, tbicuah."

"HAAANNNNNN!"

"What? I'm tryin' to sleep here woman!"

"I'm worried about Anakin! What do you think we should do?"

Han sighed. It was obvious he would not be getting any more sleep until he figured this out.

"Well, this Troy Denning guy, do we know him?"

"No dear."

"Then he must have been spying on us for the character information. How else would he get all the character names? I say we sue."

Leia kissed him happily. "You're so smart Dear. I'll call our attorney in the morning."

~*~*~*~*~

(by DarkLady27)

Dooku watched his old master look-up dating services via the internet. Itseemed Palpatine wanted to get some lambada in his veins before... his change to another clone. This deprivation could lead to hazardous results.

"Palpatine, don't you think it would be wise if we perhaps try this scheme of yours in an area of increased oppurtunity? Computers can only do so much."

Palpy looked up from his computer. His yellow eyes an increased blotchy red from surfing the internet too long and his pink and thick wired reading glasses gave him a glowly glow. "That is an excellent idea, Lizard King. Maybe I shall find a

suitable date out in the real world. What type of public arena do you suggest?"

"..... Why'd you call me a Lizard King? My name is Dooku."

"It's quite simple. Tyranus means Lizard King," Palptine hissed while cleaning his large pink glasses. "Now, what public place?"

"The shopping mall?"

"EXCELLENT!! Let's go!"

"But...BUT---"

It was too late. Palpatine had already ran off into their waiting taxi.

Dooku sighed. I was going to tell him he still had his Barney bath robe on. Bahh.. He doesn't need to know.

Later on after they've been kicked out of the taxi...

On the bus, Lizard King/Dooku and Palpy tried to divert the stares from the other

travellers sitting around them.

Carefully, Palpy whispered into Dooku's ear. "Do you think it's me their staring at? My eye color?"

"No, no. They all just have something wrong with their eyes. Must have been caused by a solar eclipse." Dooku said rather sarcastically.

"Yeah. You're right."

Just then the bus pulled into the shopping centre's parking lot. It came to a

halt and the passengers immediately swamped towards the opening doors, all hoping to leave quickly from the frightening sight in front of them.

"We're here!" Palpy squeaked.

"Yipee.....".

Inside the main entrance, Palpy was having the most wonderful time jumping

around and looking at all the interesting products in the stores.

On the other hand, Dooku was talking to a concerned security guard thinking

Palpy was an escapee from the asylum. "No, he just doesn't get out much. And

because he's girl-deprived."

"Ahh.. I see. Please make sure he gets some exercise, will yah? I don't want any

trouble."

"Sure.....". With that the officer left. "Yeah trouble my a----"

"Hey Dooku, have you seen any dating service machines?" Palpy quoted as he came back from his short adventure.

Taking in a quick glance, Dooku spotted one not to far from the place they stood, right next to the Weight Watcher's machine. "Over there, Palpatine."

In a flash Palpy was fiddling with excitement and glee while searching for quarters. "Say Lizard King, do you have any quarters? I brought many with me, but they seem to have vanished."

Dooku muttered under his breath. "They probably got stuck in your wrinkles."

"Did you say something, Dooku?" Palpy looked at him with a puzzled expression and slitted his eyes.

Sensing Palpy had heard what he said, he decided to come up with a comeback as to not disturb the old master any furthur. "What I was saying Palpatine was

that you are at the wrong machine. That's the Weight Watchers machine. Don't want to deal with them. They're a menace. A Phantom Menace."

"Yes, you're right. They've been after me for months trying to get me onto some weight plan. As if I need to lose weight! I'm as springy as a squirrel!"

"Er.. ok, look, here's some quarters." Dooku passed some to Palpy. "I'm off to the

men's lingerie department of the shooping mall. I hear they have some thongs on sale." Might impress Padmé onto a date, he thought. He then hurriedly rushed off.

Palpy turned to the machine not from Weight Watchers. He read aloud the

different options he could get. "<Maybe when you're dead, in your dreams, not a big chance, could have a friendship, could have a relationship, definite relationship, you're definitely hot, you're dead sexy that anyone would want to date you!>. Hmm, I want the last one!"

Palpy put in a quarter, waited, and then a light dinged. He read it slowly. "I'm.. DEAD SEXY?! Wahoo! 0 for the Lizard King, 1 point for the wrinkly man!"

All excited, Palpy set off for the lingerie department to brag his newfound

knowledge to Dooku. Unknowing to him, the Weight Watcher's machine had taped his every movement and sent it to the national headquarters. With that info., the swat team was on its way.

**************

(by Tahiri)

Anakin was waaay ahead of his parents. So ahead, in fact, that he had gotten the man, who he found later was named James Carter, to drive him to the home of Troy Denning.

"What're you gonna do, kid?" James asked, looking at Anakin with a confused expression.

"Have revenge," Anakin replied cheerily.

James laughed. "What'd this Troy guy got over you?"

Anakin scrunched his nose up. "Huh?"

James rolled his eyes. "What's that guy got over you?"

"What?"

James looked at Anakin exasperatedly. Li was just like this, the cop thought. Slowly, saying the same thing he had said to his Chinese partner, he said very loudly, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?"

Anakin nodded, his eyes big and blue and very innocent looking.

"So answer me, kid! What's this guy got over you?" James watched as Anakin's expression became vaguely confused. Shaking his head, James said, "All right, all right, kid, I see you don't know slang. What did this Denning guy do to you that makes you want revenge?"

"Oh!" Anakin said, his face brightening. "He killed me." Anakin pointed at the big book in his hands.

James stared at him. Anakin stared back.

"Did your mother drop you on your head as a child?" James asked very slowly.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno, but I was touched with the dark side when I was in her womb...and then there was that time when I was kidnapped when I was one...and again when I was three...no, wait, I was five...no, three...."

James leaned back in his seat as he listened to Anakin. "All right, all right, I get the picture, kid. But I don't get what you mean by him having killed you. You say this man killed you...how?"

"I got chopped up," Anakin replied sorrowfully, hefting the large book in his hands. "And they put me into a slimey case."

James spared a glance at the book, then at Anakin's eleven-year-old face. Poor kid... "Oh...okay. Well. Damn straight then, kid, let's go get that --" he stopped himself, remembering that Anakin was only eleven. "Um, I mean, let's go talk to this guy."

**************

(by Marawannabe)

"Now, let that be a lesson to you." Aragorn sneered with one final tug on Superman who whimpered in pain.

Kyp shook his head in amazement. "Will you never learn man??? First Luke Skywalker's wife, and now you call the Love Master Chicken Boy???" Kyp backed away, his hands in the air. "I wash my hands of you man."

"Help me!" Superman squeaked. "This wedgie is cutting off my circulation!"

Jag snickered and said, "I'm surprised you can see, he pulled it clear over your head!" He offered a high five to Aragorn. "Way to go Love Master!"

"Not sure I am, that was display good of anger." Yoda said through the bedroom door. "Anger leads to hate."

"Yeah, can it green boy!" Aragorn said.

"Sir yes."

"Now, where were we?" Aragorn flipped his hair out of his eyes.

Obi-Wan raised his hand.

"Yes Obi?"

"What is next, Master? I need to know!"

Aragorn slowly clapped him on the back. "If anything should happen to me, you must train these boys."

"But Master."

"Promise me Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan ducked his head, biting back tears. "Yes Master."

"Um, yeah ok, where were we?" Kyp asked again.

"Ah, the key to any woman's heart."

The whole group leaned forward as one.

"Yes????"

"Music."

"But... we already tried that!" Maul and Boba whined together. "With the band!"

"Yes, but not this way." Aragorn smiled.

~*~*~*~*~

Outside Jaina's bedroom window

Weird, almost Mexican jail type music is heard playing softly in the background

"RRRRrrrrrrrrrriba!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!"

"Ayiyi, Su ojos es muy bonito!" (Your eyes are very pretty, I think )

Jaina threw open her bedroom window in frustration. "What the HECK are you guys doing??? It's 2am!!!!"

Kyp smiled as he climbed up the trellis leading to her bedroom window. He took a delicate white flower from his teeth and offered it to her gently.

"For you, mi'lady."

Aragorn wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh, my apprentice has learned well."

"Now, we have come to serenade you with the sweet strains of a Mexican Mariachi band!"

**********

(by Marawannabe)

Jaina gave out an exasperated shrill shriek.

" What do I have to do to get rid of you?! " She yelled into the less than warm night. "I'll do ANYTHING TO GET YOU GUYS TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

She groaned inwardly. Han said that if the Rejects (TM) caused him to lose one more night of sleep, Jaina would be grounded until Episode 3: Special Edition came out.

Sombreros, ukeleles, and jaws fell to the ground.

"W- what did she say?"

"Anything?"

"Anything, she said!"

"NO WAY! This must be what Legolas meant by music getting to her! ALL OUR ANNOYING HAS FINALLY PAID OFF!"

"Dudes! Huddle up!"

Jaina rubbed her temples as she looked down on the small group.

"Um... Jaina?" Jag called up. "We'll be back tomorrow night, this may take a while to think out!"

Jaina half-smiled. At least she got a slight reprieve.

~~ONE NIGHT LATER~~

Bumbling trips and crashes alerted Jaina to the rereturn of the Re-Rejects (Re-TM).

"Hm... 2 AM on the dot..." she looked down to the lawn below. "Is that you guys?" she called down.

"It's us, oh sweet angel above us!"

Jaina rolled her eyes, and hit a red button near her wall.

"Great! Now stand right there!"

"Hey, Jaina, you said anything right?" Kyp yelled up.

Jaina almost giggled. "Anything!"

5...4...3...2...1... she counted off mentally.

Suddenly, reinforced barbed wire fences shot up around the yard, closing the Rejects in.

"Dude, we're trapped in here with Jaina!"

Giant spotlights light the ground and all quickly focused on the small group.

"Uh.. Anything to get rid of us?" Boba asked, now a little nervous.

"Anything!" Jaina yelled down, laughing. "And fortunately at Home Protection, INC. today, I found out that Anything only costs $795.95! ALL RIGHT GUYS! LET OUT THE DOGS! "

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***********

(by JediASolo)

They were mean, they were mad,and worst of all, Kyp thought, they were chihuahuas!

They chased the rejects all around they yard. Kyp was scared to death of those little dogs!

Han was woken, again, but this time by a yipping noise.

"Be quiet Leia!"He told his wife.

"Huh? What? Han?"She asked.

"You mean that’s not you?"

"Uhh...no. The doctor cleared up my snoring problem two years ago, rremember?"

"Oh, yeah" DOGS!, he thought. I’m gonna kill those rejects!

He grabbed his blaster and ran out of the room, forgetting to take off his bunny slippers, and

Leia followed.

Outside his and Padme’s window, Vader heard noises. He looked out the window, where

dogs, rejects, his daughter, and Han Solo ran through his roses.

"MY RRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOSSSEEESSSS!!!!"

"What dear? Did you say something?"

"MY ROSSSESSS!" He jumped out of the window, which was on the second floor, making a

mental note to talk to Leia about moving their room downstairs.

Ben, Jacen,Jaina, and Padme were already going outside to see what was going on.

"Who let the dogs out?!" Jacen yelled.

"DOGGIES!!!" Ben yelled. "I wanna doggie!" And he took off.

"Watch your cousin, Jaina" Leia told her.

Two Vong in the bushes noticed Jacen and started chasing him.

Padme just stood on the porch and watched. Jacen was being chased by two Vong who were

yelling about a teddy bear. Jaina was chasing little Ben, who was chasing the doggies. Next, her

husband, who was waving his lightsaber around, yelling profane things at anyone who touched

his roses. Leia was chasing Han, who was still firing at the five remaining rejects (who were still

being chased by the chihuahuas) because Superman had deserted them. Chewbacca had

Vader's laundry on his head again, and was running around howling. Everyone but Luke and

Mara were out. Were are they? She thought to herself and was about to go check on them

when she had a realization. OOOOHHHHHHHH...

course not!" He put an arm around her.[i]Whew! He thought, that was close!

*******

(by MMG229)

Vader finnaly stands up and looks at th guard. He waves his hand

Vader: you will open the cell.

Guard: I will open the cell

Vader: cool! you will jump on one foot.

The guard jumps on one foot

Vader: heh heh, you will dance the chicken dance.

the guard dances the chicken dance

Vader: you will-

Leia: Dad!!

Vader: oh sorry.

They all walk past the cell the guard opened and walk out of jail.

Leia: who is staying with anakin!!

fade to the house, Eminem's music is playing and Anakin is jumping up and down on his bed with the pillows ripped up and everything knocked down.

Anakin: I NEVER WANT MY FAMILY BACK HOME! WOOOO

Anakin keeps jumping and jumps on the remote control. Wrestling is on.

Anakin: cool! wrestling!!

Anakin watches

Anakin: where is the lightsabers?

Anakin keeps jumping and sees chair shots and pipes

Anakin: how are they soppused to win like that?

Anakin continues jumping. He falls off his bed and knocks off his grandpa's saber onto the ground and the carpet lights on fire.

Anakin: uh oh...

**********************

(by 2535)

"I don't believe this!" Aragorn screamed. "Can't you rejects do anything right?"

"Of course not, we're rejects," Zekk replied, only to be smacked in the head by Maul.

"It's that kind of attitude that's not getting us anywhere!" Kyp said.

"Patience you do not have. Reckless you rejects are," Yoda said as he entered the training area accompanied by the Jedi.

"What are talking about? We've had better chances as opposed to 900 years of celibacy!" Maul said.

"Yoda is right," Aragorn sighed. "You rejects are far too impulsive for your own good. Because of this, you will not be going on the field trip tonight."

"Field Trip?!" the Rejects screamed.

"Field trip," Aragorn replied. "the Jedi will be taken to some of the top locations in town. Of course, Obi-Wan has his own choice of venue since he is the best of my students."

"That's hardly fair!" Maul growled.

"Face it Maul, you are only half the man that I am," Obi-Wan replied.

"Hey!"

"Backstabber," Qui-gon muttered at Maul.

"Come along my students," Aragorn beckoned. "It is time to test your 'skills'."

As they left, the Rejects chastened themselves for being back to the drawing board.

"So close," Kyp winced. "Anyway, how are we going to get back at Superman?"

"Don't worry," Maul replied with a darkside smirk. "Yoda was right about patience. Good things come to those who wait."

* * * *

"Anakin! We're home!"

They all found the boy sitting in the lounge room. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and tears were starting to stream down his eyes.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Leia asked.

When Anakin looked up her he possessed the gaze of someone who's heart was shattered.

"Tahiri dumped me."

"Why on Earth would she do that?"

"Because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with a dead guy."

"I don't see what difference that would make," Han said. "Luke did date Callista-"

"But I've still got flesh and blood!" Anakin shouted.

"Anakin listen to me," Leia said. "So what if that Denning guy committed Literary homicide. Life must go on."

"She's probably with some wealthy, boarding school student who has no respect for average working class guys like me."

"Now what makes you say that?" Han asked.

As the three of them were talking, Vader sat down to listen to the familiar introduction of "This is CNN!"

"Tonight on CNN, America continues its war on Terror. We look at the 13 Oscar Nominations for Lord of The Rings. But first up, Some of Britains top school student have arrived in America as part of the international student exhange program. Among them the elite students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"That's him!"

"Who?"

On the TV screen they showed a spectacled boy with dark hair who was dressed in a boarding school uniform.

"That's the guy Tahiri dumped me for!"

* * * *

"Showtime," Aragorn said.

He and the Jedi were sitting in a van across the road from a nightclub. Standing in front of the entrance was a bouncer who looked as though they had previous experience at a Hutt's castle.

"Mace and Yoda, you guys ready?" Aragorn looked at the two Jedi masters. Mace had replaced his robe for an expensive leather jacket and Yoda's face was dominated by a pair of black Raybans.

"Ready for action, we are!" Yoda grinned.

"Ain't nothing we won't handle," Mace added.

"Excellent!" Aragorn said. "Now, the plan is simple: Do a mind trick on the bouncer. Once in, indulge yourselves." He opened the door to the van. "Enjoy."

Mace and Yoda headed down to the entrance of the club to confront the bouncer.

"That bouncer will crush them into a million pieces and cast them into oblivion," Obi-Wan said.

"If they do they will go down in history," Qui-Gon replied.

"Was that pun intended, Master?"

"Obi-Wan, you're next," Aragorn said. He started the engine and started driving.

"So where is this 'special venue' that you are going to?" Qui-Gon asked.

The van stopped in front of an old apartment building.

"Wait a minute, this is Dooku's apartment building!" Qui-gon said. He shook his head. "It's Sabe isn't it?"

"Master, I love her," Obi-Wan said.

"Obi-Wan, the time is now," Aragorn said.

Obi-Wan stepped out out the van and walked slowly to the aparment. Qui-gon watched as his padawan dared to step on the boundaries of love or rejection.

Aragorn smiled at Qui-Gon. "Lucky last."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Mr. Jinn, have you ever heard of... The Viper Room?"

*******************

(by DarkLady27)

Dooku's eyes light up like flies being zapped by electricity as he saw the famous

and best store in the galaxy to purchase luxury lingerie, "Clones R Us". Leaping

with glee only an old man could have without breaking anything, he rushed inside the store and slid down the isles only to be greeted by a strange looking fellow.

Dooku gazed at him quizzically. The man puzzled him by his appearance. The

employee looked so and acted so... weird. "May I help help you?"

The man then turned his head, beat his eyelashes, and smiled up to his ears.

Sweat began to soon appear on Dooku's brow. Now the man was scaring him. Then out of the midst another man appeared. Exactly the same as the one standing in front of him. "Welcome to Clone Clone's R Us. My name is Gary101.

How may I I help you?"

Dooku pointed at the other man standing beside him. "Then who's this, your

brother?"

Gary101 shook his head happily. "No, he's Gary69, my cousin."

"I see." Dooku's eye twitched. He had figured out what was going on now.

These were clones. They certainly don't make them like they used to.

"Now, what is it you would like to buy?"

"I'm looking for a special type of lingrerie. Do you carry any?"

The clone frowned. "No, I don't carry any on me. I wear them." He smiled. "I know of a good good type for you. Follow me please."

And off they went to the secret secret part of the lingerie store. Gary101 picked up a shiny thong. "This is the Moodmaster40000000004. It picks and gives any groove."

"Uh huh." Dooku muttered. "I'll take it anyways." Anything to get rid of this clone.

Just then after Gary101 gave him the lingerie, he callapsed and fell to the floor.

"Ok, that's just plain weird."

A whole bunch of Garys swarmed over to the callapsed clone and dragged him off. Another Gary appeared. "Hi, I'm Gary4009. Are you going to purchase that?"

Dooku nodded impatiently.

"That'll be one penny." the Gary4009 asked.

ONE PENNY? Geez, this guys are so far out of it! "Ok, here's your 'penny'." He passed the money over, took the MoodMaster40000000004 and left the store.

Walking by, he heard a warning come over the PA system in the shooping mall.

"Attention everyone. Please stay calm. It seems a whole bunch of lizards have

escaped from the pet shop. They are harmless. Please don't worry. The problem

will soon be dealt with."

Fearing of his last time with a cold- blooded animal, he ran to the pet shop to

ask information on how to keep himself safe.

"Excuse me," he asked the employee, "how many lizards have escaped?"

The female employee thought for a moment then spoke. "Oh, only a hundred females."

Dooku's jaw literally dropped to the ground. "A HUNDRED FEMALE LIZARDS?!"

"Yeah. Don't worry though, Sir. They're harmless. It's only the beginning of the

mating season. They are usually very docile."

Dooku whined and started to cry as he left the store. "Why me? Why is there

always lizards chasing after me? I want women, not lizards!" He cried some more

and wandered aimlessly down the hallway trying to look for Palpy so he could

get out of the moodirific place.

*****

Palpy ran and chuckled as he leapt down the shooping centre. Dooku would be

most jealous of him being 'Dead Sexy'. How quaint that the Sith Master would

beat his younger former apprentice at this age! Must be my delicate wrinkles.

Unknown to Palpy, a Weight Watcher's droid was following him along with the

swat guards.

The heavily armed team followed Palpy silently and waited for their turn to

pounce.

*****

Palpy stopped and saw a crying Dooku coming down towards him. "Ah my 'not

so dead sexy friend that doesn't have any sexy wrinkles and takes a bath everyday former apprentice named Lizard King'. WAZZZUP?"

"Female... lizards.. set.. loose. Got.. to.. *sniffle* get out *sniffle* of here.

*whines* . "

Palpy patted his shoulder. "We'll go home and bug some Yuzzhon Vong. How's

that? I'll teach you some more force lightening tricks."

"Ok."

Just then the swat team pounced. They captured an unwaware Palpy and Lizard

King in a net and dragged of them towards their dreaded lair, the Weight Watcher's palace.

*****

Back at the house the Yuzzhon Vong and the Nohgri were fighting over the name of the new new Skywalker and its gender.

"It's called the Rapper of Vader! It's name until after the new season of Baywatch and until we know if it's a boy or girl!" shouted one of the Nohgri.

"No!", a Yuzzhon Vong yelled back. "It shall have a proper name so we can keep

it!"

"Nuh huh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh HUH!!!"

"HUH HUH!!"

"NUH HUH!!NONONONONONONONONONO!!!"

"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!"

"Stop it!" the Noghri leader yelled. "Now, I suggest we actually come to an

agreement. Firsy, why do you Vong want anything to do with the Skywalkers?

You hate their guts!"

The Vong shrugged. "We're kind of getting tired of getting our butts kicked. We

want some action (that of course won't hurt us)!"

"Oooooooookkkkkkkkk. I think this'll take a group action to decide this. Come

now, huddle!" So they all huddled in a group and whispered about while the Vong waited. "Ok, we have a conclusion, you can stay, but, only if you let us

keep the name Rapper of Vader until after it's born."

"Deal." the Yuzzhon Vong stated. "So, can we find out this 'precious' information? We wanna watch "Whose Line Is It Anyways?" . They're putting up the green screen tonight!"

"Ok, let us all go find out!" So they all scrambled towards the garden searching

for Padmé to find out what the gender was.

****

In the garden, Vader sat in his leather chair to which he had brought out so he could watch with wary eyes over his precious roses. Padmé, on the other hand,

had a strange urge to start garderning herself, and was planting primroses on

the other side of the yard.

Just then Leia appeared. "Hey, mom, holophone for you."

"Coming." Padmé huffed. She trudged off inside and picked up the phone.

******

Meanwhile...

"This is fun!" one Vong whispered as they snuck into the garden. "Shut up! Do you want to get us into trouble? The Rap master himself is out there just waiting to throw us out!"

"Oooo, we're going to get it! We're going to be in trouble. I want me warmaster!" a very worried Vong cried.

"Ok.. so I guess we're like a villains group or something now?"

"Yessssssss." They all hissed together.

"Do we need a name?" The Noghri leader whispered.

"Yeeessssssss."

"What shall it be?"

"Turtles!"

"Rappers!"

"Chocolate covered prunes!"

"Pulpys!"

"MOOOOUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!"

"Who IS that guy?!" The leader looked about for the unwanted and annoying pest. Everyone pointed to one very worried Vong who pointed to the rose bushes.

"It was the rose bushes I tells ya! They're talking!"

"Surrreee... ok, what name?"

"The Rose Rappers?"

"Oooo." everyone ooed and awed at the name.

"Is it agreed?"

"OY!"

"Ok, our name is the Rose Rappers."

They then made their way to the house.

****

Padmé just got off the phone with the doctor and found out it was a boy. Well, at least I don't have to worry about the Rejects being around if it was a girl. My Ani would go nuts!

Then just as she was about to return outside to gerden she noticed a large

group of whispering Vong and Noghri staring at her. The Noghri leader stepped forward. "Lady Vader, what an honor to sssssseee you." He bowed. "We have come to ask whether the new new Skywalker was male or female. Do you know?"

A ticked off Padmé did know. "Yess", she hissed back. "Male, now OUT!" She

grabbed the nearest chair and swatted them all out. "Don't come back!"

They scurried off. Huffing and sniffling she ran outside to Vader and snuggled against him.

************

(by Marawannabe)

Kyp, Jag, Zekk, Maul, Neo and Boba all stared in deep confusion as Aragorn and the Jedi piled into the rusty old van to go cruise for chicks.

"Now how is that fair?" Kyp whined, and then coughed as Aragorn floored it, leaving them in a pile of dust. "We were making progress!"

"Mhejgfeb, hgdvag dbuegfig." Zekk shrugged.

"Yeah, what the little man said." Boba replied.

"So, what are we going to do with that rat Superman?" Maul whined. "He's a chicken!"

"I don't know what everyone sees in him anyways." Neo said.

Jag dropped his jaw and said, "HE CAN LEAP TALL BUILDINGS AND SUSPEND HIMSELF IN MIDAIR AND FLY!!!"

Neo shrugged. "Not only do I have better hair, and wear my underwear on the RIGHT side of my clothing, I can do ALL that, AND I live in a parallel universe!"

"Ohhhhhh."

"So, what are we going to do?" Boba asked again. "Who are we gonna call?"

"GHOSTBUSTERS!!!"

All the Rejects exchanged glances before shaking they're heads. "Nah."

"Wait a second!" Kyp shouted. "I know just who to call! Somebody get me a phone!"

~*~*~*~*~

Superman was having fun. Forget Jaina, who he was not even attracted too in the first place. Bring on the older women.

Mmmmm, Mara. The name seemed to roll of the tongue like sweet honey. If only he could figure out how to get around that stupid husband of hers. The man wore a "Kiss the Cook's Butt" apron for pete's sake! He should be able to top Mister Joker Man.

Too bad he couldn't use his X-ray vision on her. something kept blocking him every time he tried to use it on his newest love interest.

Move over Lois, Superman has a new love...

~*~*~*~*~

As soon as everyone had gotten home from jail, most went straight to bed, but Han and Leia had a bone to pick with Luke and Mara.

"And where were you guys?" Han said accusingly, pointing his finger at Luke and Mara, who were barely moving, hands still wrapped around coffee cups.

Mara and Luke exchanged sly glances and Luke said, "You don't want to know."

Leia and Han groaned as the doorbell rang. Jaina appeared out of nowhere and flew open the door.

"NOT YOU!!!" she screamed.

"Hey little lady, I'm not here for you. I'm after bigger fish in the sea." Superman leaned casually against the doorway.

Jaina made a face, but stepped aside and let Superman in.

"Hey Mara." He said casually. "Looking good this morning."

Mara just groaned as the doorbell rang yet again.

Jaina threw open the door, and eager smile on her face, that drooped as soon as she recognized the persons on the other side. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see your Aunt, is she in?" the man said. "And, I brought you a pie!"

Jaina groaned. "You're not realated to Palpy, are you?"

"Jaina, let the man in before I beat you!" Han growled. "I'm not in the mood this morning."

The whole group entered, each bearing a different pie.

"Karrde???" Mara gasped. "What are you doing here? And Aves, and Ghent, and Faughn! Hey! It's a smnuggler's reunion!"

"Got anything to eat?" Aves whined.

"Where's your internet access?"

The doorbell rang again, and Jaina threw open the door once more. "What?" she snarled.

*gulp* "Sorry mi'lady." Legolas winced.

"Oh, Leggy, I'm sorry. It's been a horrible morning."

"Well, the carriage awaits Jaina, let's ride."

"Ciao!" Jaina called to her parents.

"Where was she going?" Han asked.

"Never mind Dear."

"So, Karrde, what brings you here?" Mara asked, leaning back into Luke's embrace as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"well, I wanted to offer you your job back." Karrde said hopefully.

"Sorry Chief, but I'm a stay-at-home-rock-star-Mom now."

"Rock star???"

"Yeah, didn't Luke tell you? Leia, Padme, and I have a band."

"Yeah, but with Mom being pregnant and all, Mara and I are thinking about going solo." Leia said.

"Leia! That's perfect!!!" Mara shouted.

"What?" Leia said in bewilderment.

"you drop Organa, it always sounded like an herb anyways, and that's the name of our group! Going Solo!"

Leia and Mara high fived. "I love it!"

"Sorry Karrde, anything else?"

"Well, there was always hjhdfuagw."

"What was that?"

"Profess my undying love for you."

"Hey!!!!!" Luke shouted, this is my wife we're talking about.

"No, she's MINE girly man!" Superman shouted.

"But I knew her first!"

"So??? She almost killed me!"

"I don't want Lois anymore!"

Mara sighed, this was going to be a looong day.

*********

(by Aalya)

Neo hands Kyp a phone.

Kyp takes the phone and dails a number. "Hello. Is Jerry springer there?"

" Jerry Springer?" Neo asks looking at Kyp.

" HEY I'M ON HE PHONE!" kyp shouts at neo then get's back to phone conversation. " Hey Jerry! Look buddy i need a favor to ask of you. No I don't remmeber the time with the skunk and the microwave.... My ex-lover is cheating on me with a hutt?! I was never on that show!"

maul rolls his eyes.

" Listen here Jerry!" Kyp looks at the phone.

" Well is he gonna help us or not?" Neo asks crossing his arms over his chest.

" He um.... he hung up" Kyp admits then hands the phone to neo.

" What great people skills the almightly Kyp has..." Boba says sarcastically to Jag. Jag laughs slightly.

" Well... I think a old friend owes me a favor," Neo says as he starts to dial on the phone.

" Oh and who is that?" Maul asks.

" Hello? Morpheus? (sp?)" Neo asks into the phone as all the rejects grin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Karrade poked a finger into one of the pies.

" Get's your finger out of my pie!" shouted Aves.

" Your pie that's my pie!" Yelled Ghent.

Soon all the smugglers are in a fight about who's pie is who's.

Han rolls his eyes and smacks his forehead. " Force have mercy on our souls."

Superman grabs mara around the waste and pulls her over to him." Mara is mine!"

Lukes jaw drops and he grabs mara by the arm. "No she's mine! You X-ray vision Baffoon!"

" BAFFOON?! Why you little --" superman is about to yell something when han cuts in.

" SUPERMAN! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE BROOM!" han shouts.

Suddenly the door opens and Frodo, Sam, Merry, and pippin come running in.

" MICE!" leia shouts as the three hobbits run around her.

superman looks at the four hobbits.

" PIE!" shouts frodo and all the hobbits run for the pies.

The smugglers jump infront of the pies.

" Don't even think about it munchkin! (sp?)" shouts Karrade.

" But I'm hungry!" whines sam.

" I got an idea!" aves shouts then reaches for a pie and throws it at frodo who is standing by Karrade.

Frodo moves to the side and karrade is hit by the pie.

" OH YOU GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" Shouts Karrade then throws a pie at aves but hits Faughn. Pretty soon the smugglers are in a food fight. The hobbits run around like headless chickens and take cover behind the couch.

" NOT THE TV!" shouts han as a pie hit's the T.V.

" Uh oh..." Mara says as steam starts to come out of han's ears.

Ghent looks up with a pie on his face."We gonna gie aren't we?"

" The chances of survival are 3,000 and 20 to 1!" says C-3PO as he walks out of the basement.

" Ok who let 3-PO out of his cage?!" Luke asks.

" Won't somebody save us?" Mara yells then sees superman walking toward her. " OTHER THAN HIM!" mara adds quickly then hides behind luke.

**********

(by Marawannabe)

Mara ducked behind Luke for protection from all the flying food. "Who let those midgits in here???" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

No one answered.

"Vader!!! They have your ROSES!!!!"

An eerie wail was heard throughout the entire house.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

"WHERE ARE THEY????" Vader burst in through the door, with Padme behind him.

"Well, if you insist on these outbursts, at least take these blood pressure pills."

"Yes Angel." Vader took two before turning back to the crowd, frozen in fear. He turned to Mara. "You said someone was in MY roses, my dear?"

"Yeah, the four short ones."

Thank you." Vader laid a solemn hand on her shoulder. "You have served your Father-in-law well."

His gaze turned to the four hobbits. "I'll give you five seconds to run, oops TIME'S UP!!!"

The hobbits all screamed in fear, and ran out, with Vader bellowing, and Padme running after them.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Han screamed. "If it's not flying food, it's the NOISE!!! Can't a guy watch his soaps in peace around here?"

"Did he just say soaps?" Karrde leaned over to Mara.

"Don't ask."

Leia went over to Han, "I'm so sorry Honey. Why don't we go upstairs, you still need to talk to Anakin." She lead the still whimpering Han away as Luke, Mara, Superman, Karrde, Aves, Faughn, and Ghent all stared at each other.

"Ok," Aves said. "How about we watch figure skating?"

"Sounds good." Faughn said as she, Ghent and Aves moved into the den to turn on the large screen television.

"Yeah, I hear Michelle Qwan is doing really well this year, with no coach and all."

Karrde shook his head and sighed. "Where was I? Oh yeah, I love you Mara."

Mara groaned.

~*~*~*~*~

"Hello? Morpheous?" Kyp yelled into the phone. "Is that you? Kinda hard to tell!!!"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" the old woman's voice came over the other end. "My name is Mrs. Doubtfire!"

"Oh, sorry Ma'am." Kyp slapped the phone shut in frustration. "That's the last time I depend on someone with a name like 'Morpheous' to give me their correct phone number."

"Kyp, what are we going to do?" Jag whined. "Superman is laughing at us! I just know it!"

Kyp sighed. "Well, there is one other person I can call, I guess..."

~*~*~*~*~

Han walked up to his youngest son's bedroom door, with Leia right on his heels. "You called him right?"

"Yeah, your surprise object lesson will be here in 5 minutes." Leia smiled. "You're so brilliant Han."

"Well, I do try." Han shrugged as he knocked on Anakin's door.

"Go'way." came the sullen voice from inside.

"Young man! This is your father speaking! I will NOT 'go'way' as you put it! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!!!"

So this is brilliance in action. Leia rolled her eyes.

Anakin jerked open the door, before stomping back to his bed, and throwing himself on it.

"What do you want? I'm dead, member?" he mumbled.

"Anakin, we need to talk about this 'dead zombie' act that you have been pulling." Leia said. "Yes, it was cute the first couple of days, but now, it's just old."

"But, Tahiri dumped me for some 4 eyes nerd!" Anakin yelled. "My life would be over even if it wasn't over!"

Han smiled. "I think it's time for my object lesson. Will our special guest please enter the room!"

The light's flashed dramatically as Leia clapped her hands in delight. "I love this part!"

An announcer's voice came from nowhere. "And now, the person we've all been waiting for... Emperor Palpy!"

sound track, claps, cheers, and whistles

"Thank you, thank you." Palpy said, waving as he entered the room.

"I think I'll leave you guys to talk. Man to Man. Well, mostly anyways." Leia said as she stood to leave the room.

"Ciao babe." Han waved. "Now, look here Anakin. Palpy here was killed by the great GL himself, you don't see him moping around all the time do you? You were killed by some second-rate author, who is not even important enough to make a movie out of his book!"

"But, didn't Palpy have lots of clones?"

"Yeah, but there's nothing like the real thing." Palpy sighed, satisfied.

"Beside that." Han continued. "All I'm saying is that just because one person killed a fictional character in a book, does not mean that it affects the lives of the real fictional characters. Understand?"

Anakin and Palpy exchanged glances and shrugged.

~*~*~*~*~

Mara rubbed her forehead, and hoped that she would not have to threaten with Vader's roses to get attention once more. The squabbling was still going on, Karrde slobbering all over her hand, Superman trying to grab her to 'fly away to paradise' as he put it, and Luke was alternating between telling her that he loved her, and fighting off the other two.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Mara yelled, and dashed for the door, eager to get away from them all, but alas, it was not to be. They all followed her to the door.

"Here, let me Mara."

"No, me!"

"I'm bigger."

"I'm younger."

"I'm satisfied with my voice-over career, it's very fulfilling." (read article on TFN front page to understand )

They all stopped and turned to Luke in amazement.

"What?"

"Never mind! I've got it!" Mara threw open the door, praying that it was someone sane.

What she got was someone bald.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Hello ma'am. My name is Lex Luthor. I received a phone call from a Skip Gurron that a friend of mine is here. I have a little present for him."

Lex extended his hand to show a beautiful green, glowing stone to Mara.

"That's lovely. Who are you looking for?"

A gleam entered Lex's eyes. "Superman."

*****

(by 2535)

Obi-Wan stood in front of the door to Dooku's apartment. Although the thought of Sabe (and perhaps Eirtae) living and 'taking care of' the old fart was sickening, he knew as a Jedi not to fear.

As he stepped towards the door, he could hear giggling and laughing.

"It's so long!" Sabe said.

"And curved!" Eirtae added.

"So shiny!"

"It's mine!

"I saw it first!"

"No Sabe it's mine!"

"No Eirtae! Give it here!"

"I know how to use it!"

"Nonono, Eirtae! It belongs to me!"

"Now Ladies," Dooku said. "You really shouldn't be touching it like that!"

As Obi-Wan listened, he thought that enough was enough. He focused on the door, using the Force to break the hinges. As it flew open, he saw Dooku, Sabe and Eirtae on a queen sized bed. Dooku was wearing nothing but a tight purple thong he bought earlier at the mall.

Obi-Wan looked at Sabe, who had her hands firmly grasped around Dooku's-

Lightsaber?

"Obi?" Sabe's dark eyes were filled with shock.

Obi-Wan had heard a lot of taunting in his life from Darksiders, but noting as worse as "What did you thing we were doing?"

"Obi, I can explain," Sabe said.

It was no use, Obi-Wan had already Force-ran away from his chance at true love.

* * * *

Four hours later:

"Master Yoda?"

As Mace stepped into the house, he noticed Yoda sitting behind a desk. On the left side of the desk was a foot-tall pile of paper. On the other side was a laptop computer currently running MS Outlook.

Mace waved his hand in front of Yoda. "Master, have you suddenly lost half of your Midichlorians?"

Yoda pointed to the pile of paper. "Names and Phone numbers. Database, I am creating."

Qui-Gon entered the room. His long hair was greasy, his eyes read, his skin pale and his nose covered in a white powder.

"Master Qui-Gon?"

Qui-Gon lifted his fingers in a peace sign. "I am one with the living force!" Suddenly he collaped on the ground.

"Where's Obi?" Mace asked.

"In his bedroom perhap," Yoda stepped away from the desk and towards Obi-Wan's bedroom. "What is this?" He noticed on the floor in front of the door was a manuscript.

"It seems as though he was trying to write a play," Mace said.

Upon opening the cover, the say one sentace:

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT LOVE.

"Sounds simple," Mace commented. He turned the page, only to find

ALL FORCE AND NO PLAY MAKES OBI A BAD BOY

written from margin to margin on the remaining 600 pages.

"Uh-oh."

* * *

The next day:

"So he just ran away?" Padme asked.

"Like a Womp Rat," Eirtae replied.

"As soon as he saw us with Dooku, he freaked," Sabe added.

the three of them were in the kitchen of the S/S home drinking coffee and listening to Padme's husband maintain his garden.

"So Padme, how long do you have to go?" Sabe asked.

"Eight months," Padme replied.

"Don't you think Ani is just a little old to be a father again?" Eirtae asked.

"Of course not."

"So, does that mean, you know," Sabe said.

"Know what?" Padme asked.

"She's asking if the suit comes off," Eirtae said.

"Uh, yeah," Padme reoplied matter-of-factly.

"Whoa," Both of the handmaidens said together.

"Although," Padme turned to Eirtae, "what you said to Yoda that night was very mean."

"But its true isn't it?" Eirtae frowned. "Although, have you heard that he, Mace, Qui-Gon and Obi have joined the rejects at those silly love lessons?"

Sabe shook he head. "Pretty soon all of the Jedi order will be the subject of paternity cases."

As she said this there was a loud crash outside. The kitchen door flung open and Vader ran in, hiding behind Padme.

"Darling, what is it?"

"Deprived Jedi master!" Vader screamed.

"Sabe, why don't you deal with him?" Padme suggested.

"No way. I am not going to serve as a means to-"

"HERE'S OBI!!!!!"

"Run for it!"

****************

(by DarkLady27)

Dooku whined underneath his Sith Hood. He was ashamed of his behavior earlier. He should've acted more his age. He snorted at the thought of being attacked

by mere female lizards. He would rather get attacked by a bunch of squirrels.

Palpy, on the other hand, was quite amused inside their steel cage hanging

above maple syrup, a deadly calorie inhibiter. He took his coffee mug (which he had picked up before being captured by the Calorie Detectors) and rang it along the steel bars while singing 'Row, row, row your boat'.

Dooku slitted his eyes under the hood as he watched his former master in front of him. How he would love to just zap the man right there! But nooooo. Palpy would just come back as a clone and haunt someone else, likely him, Anakin the 'Tahiri dumped me' whiny boy, the "I'm so wizard" wizard kid Hairy Porter, or even the new new Skywalker.

He sighed. Why do I even bother?

Palpy now was getting annoyed. He had rang several times against the cage

wanting his capturer to come and show himself so he could crisp him.

As if by instance, a door opened on the far side of the maple syrup room. A

figure holding his pinky to his mouth and a strangely cocked eyebrow stared at him. He also had a rather fluffy cat in his other arm. "Hello, mister Pulpy," he smiled and lifted his pinky away. "Welcome to my secret laboratory."

Palpy blinked several times and then stared. He reconized the man somehow. "Do I know you?"

The figure dropped the cat in shock. "Palpatine???"

Palpy gasped a raspy gasp. "Pooky? POOKY!"

Dooku stood up and walked over to the two busy chatting figures and gazed on

awkwardly. "Um, Palpatine, who's this?"

"Oh, Lizard King, I know this man very well. He's my brother, Dr. Evil! I haven't seen him in so long." Palpy sniffled.

"I wish I could let you out, but I can't. Bosses orders," Dr. E said.

"YOU HAVE A BOSS?" Palpy said, shocked at the words.

"Yes."

At that moment a very short and very hairy figure came out of the shadows.

"Nub yubb! Eee chouta tubby!"

Dr. Evil bowed to the figure. "This, is my master, is Mr. Wicket, as in

'Wicked'. He is in charge of all the Weight Watcher's programs of the world."

Dooku groaned. At least it ain't female.

*******

Padmé sat on a chair, far out of the site of everyone else. It seemed no one else was sane anymore or cared for her. "It's always 'Roses this' or 'Roses that'. I

don't think my Ani cares for me anymore." She sniffled. "Stupid hormones.

"That's it. I'm doing something about this. I'm going to take up Yoga

classes." Huffing, she sat up and head for the garage to get the Jaguar and head to the gym.

In the shadows of the garage, on the ceiling, lay a mysterious figure watching Padmé closely. Hmm She's a real chick. Better than that Jane girl.

And who was that figure, none other than Spidey himself, Spiderman. "I

have to be the greatest ceiling walker of all time," he said out of the blue as he watched the car take off.

Then, by mistake, his fingers slipped and fell to the floor.

****************

(by Aayla)

The rejects and Neo all sit around while kyp still trys to phone someone willing to help them.

Maul and Zekk are in a heated card game of skill, smarts, and strategy.

Maul: "Got any threes?"

Zekk: "go fish..."

Maul with his poker visor and game face on reaches for another card.

Boba stares at the wall.

Neo: "what are you doing?"

Boba: "watching the paint dry."

Neo was about to tell boba that the paint was already dry when someone comes crashing through the window.

Jag: "It's a bird!"

Boba: "it's a plane!"

Maul: "no it's Zekks mama!"

The rejects: "HUH?!"

Neo: "all three of you are wrong its...."

everyone: "JAMES BOND?!"

Bond: "hello everyone... james bond at your service..."

maul's jaw drops

bond then spots the pictures of jaina tapped to the walls...

Bond: "hmmm.... "

Kyp: "she's ours!"

Jag: "Don't even think about it!"

Bond: "Too late... she is already mine..."

Zekk: "how is that?"

Bond: "have you all forgotten something? I have Charm, manners, talent, intellegance, and good looks... things of which none of you have..."

Kyp: "well... he's got a point there..."

The rejects all glare at kyp...

Bond: "we will see who jaina will end up with... ta ta!"

with that bond jumps back out of the window.

Maul: "TO THE REJECT MOBLE!"

everyone: "Huh?!"

Maul:".... the van you idiots... We have to get to jaina before that bond guy does!"

*********

(by Jedi_Master_Arra)

Wedge and the Rogues piled into the living room, closely followed by the usual football crowd.

"Han, old buddy!" Wedge cried, slapping him on the back. "How’s retirement suiting you?"

Han shot him a mournful look. His expression looked a lot like Hobbie’s that way. "You tell me. My daughter’s become a boy magnet, Jacen is married, and my father-in-law reads Martha Stewart Living and has a rose garden! I have a psycotic two-year-old running around–"

"I heard that!" Mara yelled from the kitchen.

"Downtouch!" Ben shouted gleefully.

"Ah," Wedge interrupted, clearing his throat. "Why don’t we watch the game?"

A startled yelp was heard from the couch.

"Move you will," Yoda admonished, rapping Wes on the knee again with his stick. "900 years old I am, not as spry as young Alliance pilots."

Corran Horn and Gavin Darklighter stifled sniggers.

*****************************************

Out in the hall, Jaina tapped a blond woman on the shoulder. "Hey, Rhys, what do you say me, you, Iella and Mirax have a girls’ night out?"

Rhysati caught Jaina’s meaningful glance toward the crowded living room and grinned. "Sure, Jaina. Girls’ night out."

"I’ll show you the mall." A sudden light gleamed in her eyes. "Let’s take the Jaguar."

**************************************

Leia glanced out the window and gasped. "There’s a red Star Destroyer up in orbit!"

"Oh." It was Corran Horn, looking slightly embarrased. "That’s nothing to worry about, Mrs. Solo. My father-in-law was just giving us a ride."

********************************************

"My Precious…," muttered Nom Anor as he watched the Jaguar drive away from his vantage point in the rose bushes.

"What was that, Executor?"

"SOMEONE’S IN MY ROSES!"

******************

(by Aayla)

Han sits in the room infront of the T.V. when knocking can be heard at the door.

Han: " Somebody get that!.... TOUCHDOWN!"

several yells of joy can be heard along with Corran doing some dance of joy followed by a long moment of silcen as everyone just stares at him.

Jacen: " As a concerned citizen I can not allow you to do that in public...."

Someone knockes again and Jacen opens the door. Standing there is James Bond himself...

Jacen: "can I help you?"

Bond in a very slick tone: " I am here for miss Jaina..."

Jacen: " Jaina it's another one to add to your long list of rejects!"

Jaina walks in and sees james bond standing there.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spiderman clings to the top of the kitchen ceiling watching Padme. Spidey watches as padme walks around the kitchen then jumps down in front of her.

Padme: "Who are you!?"

Spidey: " my name is spiderman and I want to take you away from here"

Padme: "uh look I--"

Just then Vader walks in.

Vader: " Who are you?!"

Padme: " meet my husband..."

Spidey: " THAT'S your husband?!"

Vader glares through his helmet.

Vader: " Yes I'm her husband you got a problem with that?!"

Spidey: " Uh.... you married a over grown can opener?!"

Vader: " Who you calling Over grown can opener? BUG!"

Spidey: "Microwave!"

Vader: " Pest!"

Spidey: " House appliance!"

Padme rolls her eyes

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Han: " If someone disturbes my watching this game one more time I'm gonna--!"

"ANAKIN?!"

Anakin comes running out in Hello Kitty boxers.

Anakin: " I CAN EXPLAIN!... you see... Ben--"

Han: " THAT'S IT! I'VE HAND IT UP TO HERE WITH ALL THIS!"

Everyone looks at han with eyes wide.

Leia: " Han calm down..."

Han: " Chewie! Pack my bags! I'm going to vegas to become a show girl!"

Everyone in the room: "WHAT?!"

Luke slaps his forehead.

Mara: "Oh boy..."

**********

(by 2535)

Monday.

Like any other school day, as soon as Anakin got out of bed he made a bee-line straight to the breakfast table. The only difference was that the kitchen door was closed and his mother and aunt had camped outside in the living room.

"Honey, you shouldn't go in there," Leia said.

"Why?" Anakin said, his hand already turning the knob.

"Anakin, you've been killed by an authorised fanwriter. You've been rejected and dumped. But what's in there could remove your childhood innocence forever!" Mara warned.

It was too late. As soon as he stepped in, he ran back out straight in direction of his mother.

"HELP!!!"

"Told ya," Mara said.

"Anakin, try to stay calm."

"Stay calm!?" Anakin shouted. "Why didn't you tell me? Now, Sabe may be a very pretty lady, but I did not have to see her doing THAT to Obi-Wan!"

"Well, at you know what it is and how it's done," Mara said.

"Mara!" Leia glared.

"What? Saves you and Han wasting the Force trying to explain it to him."

"I think I better get to school," Anakin said.

"Just do your best dear. Even if you can't defeat Harry, you can always use your grandfather's method of attracting women," Leia said.

"Knock her up during a time of war?"

"I think she meant try to be more romantic," Mara winked.

"Okay. Bye!" Anakin gave his mother and aunt a quick I-may-never-see-you-again hug before leaving the house.

When he left Leia checked inside the kitchen then closed the door.

"Why is it that children never listen?" Mara sighed. "It's going to take a lot of mindpower for a boy of his age to shake off what he just saw."

Leia waved he hand dismisively. "It'll probably give him the extra edge he needs to take on Harry."

*****

8:30am:

Anakin saw his target.

Dark hair; green eyes framed by glasses; a lightning-shaped scar on the forehead. Right now the pompous pom was wrapped in an embrace with his own beloved.

As Anakin made his approach, he removed his lightsaber from his pocket.

There is no death; there is the Force.

Anakin raised his lightsaber into an en-garde position.

It ends here Potter. You may have been great once, yet now you're nothing but a skirt-chasing, pop-media sell-out.

"Um, excuse me, but I had to ask. Is that a real lightsaber?"

The sudden interuption broke Anakin's connection to the Force. He turned around to see-

Dear Force! Grandpa was right, Angels do exist!

Standing in front of him was a young girl dressed in a Hogwarts uniform. She was rather short, with brown eyes and long fuzzy hair. Tucked under her arm was a large textbook titled "Hogwarts: A History."

Anakin couldn't take his eyes off her. "Uhh, yes, it's real, authentic, yes." His voice started to lose stability as his heart started to accelerate uncontrallably. He never felt this way with Tahiri.

"I've read a lot about them. Very rare they are, only a few exist in this part of the universe. Not only that, but only a certain kind of people called The Jedi Knights can use them," the girl said.

"Well," Anakin smiled. "It is a lightsaber and I am a Jedi Knight. Apprentice actually."

The girl's eyes went wide. "A REAL Jedi! Wow! That's amazing!" She extended her hand, "I'm Hermione Granger."

As soon as Anakin took her hand, he felt as though his heart was about to explode. "I'm Anakin Solo."

The bell rang.

"I'll see you later in class," Hermione said.

The only words Anakin could manage were "See you later."

Once she was a sufficient distance away, he took a deep breath. If it wasn't for her, he would have Harry's head on a platter ready to serve the Nohgris. Yet instead-

Let Harry do what he wants to do to Tahiri! Anakin thought as he kept looking at Hermione, who was now entering the Science Lab. If Tahiri was cute, then that girl is absolutely gorgeous!

He started to thoughtlessly move to the science lab, only to bump into someone standing in the door way. Anakin looked up to see that it wasn't only the students who took part in an exhange program.

"Perhaps you would like to explain why you are five minutes late?" Snape growled.

**************

(by Mcily Nochi)

Anakin biked eagerly to school the next day, impatient to talk to Hermione again. He had never felt this way before! As he pedaled along, every frizzy-headed girl caught his attention, only to turn out not to be Hermione. The disappointment grew more unbearable every time it happened, until he was almost thankful to reach school. Almost.

It took a glimpse of Hermione's face to make school really exciting. Her head was bent over a huge book, and she did not see him at first.

"Um, hi," Anakin tried, his voice squeaking high enough to make all the dogs in the vicinity bark madly. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Um, hi?" Much better.

She looked up and her eyes brightened. "Hello Anakin!" she said breathlessly.

She was so pretty, with her hair reflecting light in every direction and her large front teeth glinting in the morning sun! Before Anakin knew it, his hands loosened and he dropped his books squarely on his toes. He winced. That's what you get for carrying twice as many books as usual to impress a girl with.

"Oh, are you all right?" She leapt to her feet and fished around in her robes for something.

"Quite," Anakin gasped, leaning over to gather his things again. He tried to use the Force to dispel the red flush gathering at his ears and face, but it didn't work.

"No, let me," she insisted. He straightened as she pulled a twig out of her robes. Smiling widely, she held it over his books. "Wingardium leviosa!" she said with a quick flick of the wrist, and the books lifted themselves from the ground as if by magic.

Anakin caught them. "Wow, thanks!" He peered at the twig, which she was tucking away. "That was like magic! How'd you do it?"

"Magic."

"Hey, Hermione!" a voice called behind them. Anakin turned and found himself face to face with Harry Potter himself. "Oh, it's you." Tahiri stood next to Harry, frowning at Anakin.

"Of course it's me, Boy Wonder," Anakin hissed.

Harry smirked. "Last time I checked, you were dead."

Hermione stepped up beside him, her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah? Well you will be soon if you don't leave him alone!"

Tahiri's eyes blazed. "Are you threatening Harry?" she demanded.

"So what if I am?"

"Who are you anyway?" Tahiri asked sarcastically. "I'm Tahiri Veila. I'll have you know, I'm in a book, and I have my own fan following."

"Not as big as mine," Hermione retorted. "I'm Hermione Granger." She smiled smugly. "I know you. I read about you in Insignificant Young Jedi: A History of a Galaxy Far, Far Away."

"Redundant title if I ever heard one," Tahiri muttered, but Hermione ignored her.

"Let me see, what did it say about you? 'Born on the obscure backwater planet of Tatooine and destined to be just as unknown, Tahiri Veila is as unimportant as the planet where she was born. Tatooine, past its prime before it was even formed, is home to smugglers and seedy bars, and nearly everyone who lives there'--"

"Hey," protested Anakin. "My Uncle, Luke Skywalker, is from there."

"Oh." Hermione didn't miss a beat as she abruptly switched gears. " 'Tatooine, a world renowned across the galaxy for its gorgeous sunsets and friendly inhabitants, was the perfect playground for two young Jedi heroes, Anakin Skywalker and his son, Luke. Only a planet like Tatooine could have nurtured the young Skywalkers so, enabling them to fulfill their destinies.' " Anakin marveled that anyone could rattle off so much information in one go. He grinned at Hermione, overwhelmed by awe and respect.

"Oh yeah?" spat Tahiri. "Well the people of Earth haven't even left the planet yet!"

Hermione ignored her. "And who would name their daughter Tahiri Veila?"

Tahiri glared daggers at her. "Just what kind of name do you think Hermione is, then?"

"A perfectly normal one, thank you very much!" retorted Hermione. "But Tahiri? It's so . . . so . . . Tatooine."

"Touché," Anakin said icily, extending his arm for Hermione and almost losing his balance from the load of books. He flashed his carefully chosen T-shirt at an outraged Harry: It's a Jedi thing-- you wouldn't understand. Then he took Hermione's arm and led her off.

"I read about you in the Hitchhiker's Guide to a Galaxy Far, Far Away," Hermione said shyly. "Do you really have a lightsaber?"

He nodded emphatically. "Yup. Wanna see?"

"I'd love to!"

He took his lightsaber out of his backpack ( That's why it's so heavy today! ) and held it out toward Hermione. She hesitantly touched the smooth metal casing, jerking her fingers back as if it would burn her.

"Don't be scared," he said. "It's harmless when it isn't turned on." He indicated the button. Just then, the first bell rang, startling him, and his finger jabbed the switch. The blade extended and sliced right into Hermione's midsection.

Anakin stared in shock. He had barely known Hermione for a day, and already he had stuck a lightsaber through her! She said something about a lightsaber's cauterizing effects then collapsed in the middle of a sentence, her face becoming suddenly white.

Anakin fells to his knees beside her, dazed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, not because it would do any good, but because he had been informed by Obi-Wan that screaming 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' was the best thing to do when one's friend is run through with a lightsaber. Actually, he had been informed seconds later by Uncle Luke that it was also the accepted method for dealing with unpleasant news about one's heritage, too.

A woman bustled over to them, muttering, "Dear me, dear me! Kids these days." She extracted a twig like Hermione's from her pocket and proceeded to wave it over the girl, chanting nonsense words. To Anakin's amazement (and immense relief), Hermione sat up, blinking groggily. "Here, drink this," the woman instructed, thrusting a vile-smelling potion into Hermione's hand. Then she bustled off again, muttering, "See what happens when you set a kid loose with a lightsaber? I was right! But do they ever listen to me? Of course not! Chaos is inevitably . . ." She drew out of hearing range.

Hermione chugged the potion, then grinned broadly at Anakin, who shifted uncomfortably. "I guess it's over between us," he said miserably, not wanting to go but knowing he had to. He lingered for a last look at her perfect face.

She looked shocked. "You'll do no such thing!" Her eyes sparkled. "Imagine! Getting stabbed by a real lightsaber!" She squealed excitedly.

"So you don't hate me?" Anakin asked, completely confused. Who can possibly understand a girl? I bet even they don't understand themselves!

"Why would I hate you? It's not like you meant to almost kill me! Your intentions were good!"

The road to Kessel is paved with good intentions.

*********

It took a minute before Hermione felt well enough to stand up. She chattered incessantly as Anakin waited for her to recover strength in her legs. He still felt horrible about running her through with his lightsaber, but it seemed to be the highlight of her day. He apologized anyway, for the fifteenth time.

"Are you kidding, Anakin? How many times does the average person get stabbed by a lightsaber?" She stopped to ponder. "Actually, that's an interesting question. I wonder if the library has a book about it . . ."

The bell rang again, startling Anakin. When he landed, he glanced at his chronometer. "Hermione, can you get up yet? 'Cause we really need to get to class!"

"Who do you have first?" she asked, getting carefully to her feet.

"Um . . ." Anakin pulled out his schedule. "A new teacher, I guess. Professor Snape."

Hermione grinned and frowned several times in quick succession, unable to make up her mind on whether or not this was good news. "I have him next, too! But he hates me. He's terribly unfair, Anakin." They headed into the school.

"Teachers don't usually like me," Anakin said gloomily. "This one can't be any different."

"Oh yes he can," Hermione warned. "I wonder what he's teaching? They don't have Potions in muggle schools." They reached the classroom and Hermione's look told Anakin that they were about to descend into the pits of doom. "Here we are."

Snape had a sign above his door, and they stopped to read it.

"It's from the Inferno," Hermione said immediately.

"Do you know everything?" Anakin asked her, impressed.

"Not quite."

"Oh."

THROUGH ME YOU ENTER INTO THE CITY OF WOES,

THROUGH ME YOU ENTER INTO ETERNAL PAIN,

THROUGH ME YOU ENTER THE POPULATION OF LOSS.

"Kind of catchy, actually," Anakin commented. "I wonder what it would sound like set to music?" He peered around the door frame to catch a glimpse of Snape. "Kind of a gloom-and-doom sort of guy?"

"That would be the understatement of the century."

Snape was just finishing up the role call. "Welcome to English, Miss Granger," he sneered. "Kind of you to join us." He turned to Anakin. "And you would be Anakin Solo."

Someone giggled, "I thought he died!"

Hermione sniffed huffily and patted Anakin's shoulder. "Shows how much they know," she whispered.

Well, yeah, actually. He shifted his feet uncomfortably, then Harry's voice broke into his thoughts and Snape's perusal.

"What took you so long, Solo?"

"I, uh, stabbed Hermione with my, uh, lightsaber!" Anakin stammered. Snape's expression changed dramatically. He went from regarding Anakin as a little flea to squash under his shoe to seeing him in a new light.

"Well, Anakin, we shall see how you do in my class."

Anakin and Hermione found seats next to each other and waited for Snape to begin. Snape smiled at a few select students, frowned at others, then crossed his arms and snapped, "I am Professor Snape. I teach Potions, but because you are Muggles, with only a few exceptions, there is no Potions class in this school."

Harry raised his hand. "Why don't you teach Chemistry, sir?"

Snape stiffened and some of the kids giggled again. "That job was already occupied," he replied coldly.

Hermione leaned over to whisper, "We all know that Chemistry is what he really wanted. Snape never gets the classes he wants." She winked.

Snape swirled his black robes importantly. "So!" he barked. "Shakespeare! I assume you are all acquainted with him."

Anakin panicked silently in his chair. Shakespeare? He asked Hermione, "Should I know who that is?"

She raised am eyebrow. "Please don't tell me you've never heard of Shakespeare."

Anakin flushed guiltily. "He's my favorite," he said quickly. Favorite what? Ice cream flavor?

"I'll begin with a short, verbal quiz," Snape announced, "just to make sure I know what level to expect from you." He whirled on Harry Potter. "Who said 'I am bound upon a wheel of fire', and in which of Shakespeare's masterpieces can it be found?"

Hermione's hand shot into the air astoundingly fast. Anakin watched her dreamily. Forget the Force-run! I'm gonna learn the Force-hand raise!

"Um, Hamlet?" Harry guessed.

"Not even close!" Snape shouted, grinning evilly as he wrote down Harry's answer.

That's not fair! Anakin thought. He's glad that Harry guessed wrong!

"Anakin!"

Anakin jumped. "Yes?"

"Please answer the question."

"Oh, right. The question." Hermione's hand quivered at the end of her taught arm. Is there anything she doesn't know? Anakin thought admiringly. Well, he had to guess, at least. He had said Shakespeare was his favorite, and Hermione would see right through him. He tried to pick a nice, normal-sounding name. A common name. A name anyone might use for his character. "Uh, Bail Antilles?"

Snape smiled, and expression that did not seem to come easily. "A very astute guess, Anakin."

Maybe not so unfair after all . . .

Hermione's hand raised even higher. She tucked her legs under her to gain some altitude, her hand straining as high as it could go.

"Those immortal words were spoken by King Lear, in the play of that name."

Hermione fell back into her seat, gasping.

The bell rang. "You will read King Lear in its entirety and write an essay about the fickleness of the Muggle world. Due . . . tomorrow."

Anakin groaned along with the rest of the class, but as he filed out, Snape pulled him aside. "I understand your special circumstances," Snape said, his voice obviously intended to be kind. "Don't worry about the assignment yet. It can be hard going for someone without experience in an English class." He patted Anakin's shoulder awkwardly. "You're a good boy, Anakin. There's always a place on the exchange-Slytherin Quidditch team for someone who can beat Harry Potter."

Anakin left, feeling very weird. Hermione met him in the hall, her arms full of books. "Snape's only in four books," she said encouragingly. "Though there'll be seven in the end. Don't let him get you down, Anakin! You're in tons more books than that!"

***************

(by Darth_Fruitcake)

Maul needed money. No, not because he wanted the latest in Sith fashion, but because he was hungry and was responsible for several hungry Rejects.

"Maul! Where's the food?!" Zekk whined.

"I dunno, lemme be. I'm meditating on the Dark Side."

"Or Jaina," Kyp muttered.

"Isn't that what you do all day?!" Maul retorted. "And anyway, I lost my job. Boba's the one with the money."

"I was fired last week!" Boba called from his bedroom.

"Go and see if you can get that job back at Burger King," Jag suggested. "You know, the one in A Week With the Skywalker/Solos?"

"SHH, MAN!" Maul hissed. "Don't you EVER mention that! Readers will know that we know!"

__________________________________________________

Half an hour later, Maul was facing his former boss Roy. The other Rejects had forced him to take a shower, brush his teeth, and polish his horns.

Roy sighed. "No, Maul."

"Listen, Roy, I know I got a bit... out of control, but--"

The balding man arched a cool eyebrow. "You Force-threw three guys, flirted with the lady customers, and caused a small fire with the Force-lightning."

"Sorry."

"Maul, you may have your job back... but I'm fixing you with a restraint collar."

Maul sighed. "Yes, Boss."

_______________________________________________________

"Okay, everyone, we have new neighbors!" Padme announced.

Nobody looked up.

"I said, WE HAVE NEW NEIGHBORS! GET DRESSED NOW!"

Everyone moved very quickly.

__________________________________________________

The doorbell rang, and Doctor Jean Grey opened the door.

"Yes?"

"We are the Skywalkers and Solos," a group of oddly-dressed people said. "We bear pies as a greeting for our new neighbors."

"Cyclops!" Jean cried. "Come look at this!"

On cue, Magneto, Cyclops, Wolverine, Toad, Mystique, Rogue, Storm, Sabretooth, and Charles Xavier appeared next to her.

"Oh, look!" Wolverine squealed, jumping up and down. "A pie! LOOK AT THE NICE APPLE PIE!!!"

"Palpy's recipe," Jacen said.

"Listen, since we host dinner parties for people every other night of the week, would you like to come over tonight and have supper with us?" Leia asked.

Jean and the others exchanged glances, then nodded.

"Of course."

___________________________________________________________________

*Three hours later*

Maul sighed and rubbed his temples as the customer screamed.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!"

"Look, I happen to like the tattoos," Maul growled. "Just place an order and get it over with."

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!"

"Look, lady, will you please just place an order---"

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!"

Then, as if on cue, the woman passed out.

Maul rolled his eyes. "Next customer, please. And try to be more civilized."

A man stepped foward, and Maul's eyes widened. The only difference between him and this customer was his horns and tattoos. The customer also had a very sick-looking green color about him.

"I'm having a dinner party at someone's house," the customer said. "I need fries."

"How much?"

"As many as you have, dude, as many as you have."

As Maul placed the order, he gave the customer a sharp look. "This party.... it wouldn't happen to be at the Skywalker/Solos, would it?"

"Yes.... why?"

Maul grimaced.

________________________________________________________________

"Mooom!" Anakin called. "I'm hooome! And I brought a frieeeeend with me!"

"Okaaaaay, dear!" Leia called. "Come into the dining room; introduce your guest to ours."

Anakin did so, brining Hermione with him. Sitting around the table were...

The X-men.

"Oh, wow, AWESOME!" Anakin cried. "I saw your movie! It was great! Can you really do those moves in real life? And how did you come up with those names...."

"Dinner's ready!" Padme said, setting the dishes down. "Bantha stew, bisquits, and..."

"FRIES!" came a voice.

Toad ran in, Maul and the Rejects behind him. He set down 10 extra-large fries on the table.

"Oh, dear Force," Jaina muttered.

"Hi, Jaina!" Boba cried, sitting next to her. Kyp claimed her other side.

"I see what you see in her," Toad whispered to Maul. "The girl's a babe."

"Dinner party?" Hannibal said, sticking his head into the dining room. "Why didn't anyone tell me? Other cameos, come on in."

Terminator, Predator, and every other cameo that appeared previously in other stories appeared, pulling up chairs. People passed fries, stew, bisquits, and dessert, all the while talking and making chatter.

"Hellooo, Jaina," Wolverine said.

Jaina groaned as the Rejects grinned at her.

"Padme, Sweet Angel, are you all right?" Vader asked, squeezing his wife's hand.

Padme glanced down at her ever-growing belly and sighed.

"What a nice, quaint way to end a story like this," she said.

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