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Valentine's Day With the Skywalker/Solos

By Darth Fruitcake

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*Tuesday*

"LOOOOOOOVE IS IN THE AIR!" Luke sang in his Joker-voice, tossing pink and red confetti.

"Shush, dear, I'm trying to write valentines," Mara said.

"But Mara, I'm the only valentine you'll ever need!"

"True," she replied, kissing him on the cheek.

"MOMMY!" Ben cried, running into the dining room and bouncing into Mara's lap. "Can I help?"

"No, Ben, Mommy's trying to work," Luke said.

Ben stuck his tongue out at his father. "Mean Daddy, no fun! Mommy, I help?"

"No, dear," Mara said.

"Okay. Hey, Mommy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Do I get candy on Vally's day?"

Mara kissed his cheek. "Of course, Ben. All the chocolates and little pink hearts you want."

"YAY!!!!!"

"But PAADDDDDDY," Vader whined, trailing behind Padme as they walked into the kitchen. "I wanna preen my roses on Valentine's day!"

"Nonsene," Padme snapped. "I'm pregnant, I have morning sickness, and YOU ARE SPENDING VALENTINE'S DAY WITH ME!!!"

Vader nodded meekly. "Yes, sweet angel."

A knock came at the door.

"I'll get it," Vader said.

Opening the door, he saw the Rejects, holding flowers (fortunately not roses) out to him.

"Is Jaina here?" Kyp asked.

"No, you dirty old man, she's at school."

"Darn," Superman cursed. "Now we'll have to throw away these stupid flowers."

Sighing and grumbling, the Rejects turned and walked off. Vader closed the door and went back into the dining room, where Han and Leia had joined Luke, Mara, and Ben.

"Mommy, I help?"

"No, Ben."

"ANAKIN!" Leia called. "COME BABYSIT BEN SO THAT US ADULTS CAN GET A MOMENT'S PEACE!"

"He's at school," Han grumbled.

"Oh," Leia said. "I suppose he is."

The telephone rang.

"Hello?" Luke answered.

"Is this Clarice?"

"No, Hannibal, you have the wrong number again."

"Oh, crap. You wouldn't happen to have Clarice's cell phone number, would you, Joker-boy?"

"Nope, sorry. I have Neo's though!"

"Hmmm... If I get hungry, remind me to ask you for it."

The dial tone sung in Luke's ears, and he hung up the phone.

"Excuse me," Padme said, holding her stomach. "I need to use the bathroom."

Running off, she ran down the hall to the bathroom. Ten seconds later, the sound of her puking could be heard.

"Perhaps I'd better go help," Vader suggested. "I don't want her to be alone."

"Yup," Mara sighed, "love is definately in the air."

_____________________________________________________

"Mom, Dad, everyone else.... I'm home!"

Jaina flung her backpack on the couch, grabbed a pepsi from the fridge, and checked the caller ID.

"Hannibal Lecter, Kyp Durron, Jagged Fel, Legolas.... SUPERMAN?! Don't these people ever quit?!?!"

"Dutch called," Padme rasped, coming in, "but it was on my cell phone. I have no clue where he got the number."

Jaina groaned. "Valentine's Day sucks."

"I agree, dear; but your grandfather knows how to celebrate. He's taking me out to dinner tomorrow."

Just then, Aragorn ran in, holding out his sword. "Stand back, dear lady-- Oh, wait, you're not Arwen." He sheathed his sword and scratched the back of his head. "Must've gotten the wrong address."

"But you didn't!" another voice said. Arwen appeared in the doorway. "My hunny-bunny, how are you?"

Jaina gagged. The lovers continued their banter, kissing endlessly back and forth and exchanging mushy words.

"These two are worse than Gramma and Grandpa," Jaina muttered.

************

*Valentine's day*

"Vader, dear, my Ani.... how does this look?" Padme held up a dress to herself, bending a knee for extra effect.

Vader smiled behind his mask. "Lovely, sweet angel."

Padme pouted. "Soon I'm going to be to fat for this dress, or any of my others, for that matter."

"If anything, you'll look even prettier. More beautiful than my roses."

_______________________________________________________

'PLEASE be my date for Valentine's Day, Jaina!' the card read. 'Love, Kyp.'

Jaina folded the card angrily and shoved it into the trash, then opened the next one.

'Be mine, Jaina. Jag.'

She rolled her eyes, throwed it away, and picked up the next one.

'We'll fly away together.... literally. Love, Superman.'

Jaina gagged and threw it away. Picked up the next one.

'I still love you! Zekk.'

Jaina groaned.

'I'm not gay! Seriously! Robin is like a son to me! Please, PLEASE go out with me!!! Love, Batman.'

"Didn't know bats were so love-stricken," Jaina muttered. Threw it away.

'Red and black are beautiful, just like you. Maul.'

And you're an idiot, Jaina thought.

'I still remember the date.... do you remember the date, Jaina? I know it was a long time ago, but I still love you. PLEASE be mine for VDay. Love, Boba.'

Jaina sighed angrily.

'Can those other creeps dodge bullets and suspend themselves in the air and save humanity? I don't think so. Love, Neo.'

Jaina rolled her eyes.

'Dear Jaina,

Your eyes are like lovely, depthless pools of brown chocolate. Your lips are full and beautiful. Your skin is like cream and sugar. Your hair is dark mocha, like my chocolate milk. I love the way you move, the way you talk.... I've loved you ever since I saw you watching me in the theaters. I am yours for Valentine's Day.

Love,

Legolas Greenleaf.'

Jaina swooned.

______________________________________________

"Anakin, read me story!"

"Quiet, Ben," Anakin muttered, balancing the toddler on his hip. "I died the last time I read you a book, remember?"

Ben sniffled, then began to cry.

"No, Ben!" Anakin hissed. "No! Don't cry! SSHHHHH..... shush! Quiet!"

Ben just screamed louder.

___________________________________________

"Okay, Luke, Mara.... where do we go on our double date?" Leia asked.

Mara frowned. "A restaurant and dancing, of course."

"I say we go to the Warner Brother's recording studio!!!" Luke exclaimed, appearing in a purple suit.

"No, darling, we're going out to eat and dancing," Mara explained. "Put your Joker suit away."

Grumbling, Luke did as he was told.

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"This is BORING," Zekk said, propping his feet up on one of Boba's footstools.

They were all in Boba and Maul's apartment, pretending to be bored but were really just waiting for a paticular phone call....

The phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Maul cried, picking up the phone. "'Lo?" He listened for a moment, then glared and handed the phone to Legolas. "For you."

Legolas snatched the phone out of his hand. "Yes? Yes, this is I.... Of course, M'lady, only the finest poem for you.... Yes, of course.... Mmmhmm.... I'd love to. I'll pick you up tonight. Farewell, Lady Jaina."

As he hung up, he immediately dodged flying chips and empty soda and beer cans aimed for his head.

*****************

"How long does it take to get dressed?!" Vader exclaimed, tossing his hands into the air.

"Dad," Luke explained patiently, "you've been married for quite awhile now. You above all people should know that women take absolutely forever to get dressed."

Vader folded his arms across his chest in a pouty guesture. "I made reservations at the best restaraunt in town."

"How do I look?" Padme asked, appearing in the doorway.

Behind his mask, Vader's eyes went wide. "Absolutely lovely."

"Ewww, icky-poo, Anakin!" Ben cried. "Gwamma and Gwampa get mushy!"

"It is Valentine's Day, dear," Mara said. "Where's Han and Leia?"

Han and Leia appeared, looking spiffy. "Let's go."

About ten minutes after they had gone, a knock came at the door.

"I'll get it!" Jaina cried, thrusting herself at the door. She swung it open.

Legolas held out a flower. "My Lady, you look stunning."

Jaina blushed and giggled.

Anakin gagged.

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"Table for two," Vader said.

The waiter looked shocked at Vader's appearence, but made no comment; only gurgled and led them to a table.

"Would ze lady like zomezing to zrink?"

"A martini, virgin," Padme said.

"And I shall have the strawberry daquiri," Vader added. "Do not, under any circumstances, forget my straw."

"Yes, madam, zir. Right away."

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"Table for four," Luke said.

The waitress put out her cigarette and led them to a beat-up table in the back.

"Whaddya kids wanna drink?" she asked, snapping her gum repeatedly.

"Pepsi," they all said in unison.

"Comin' right up."

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"I want to thank you for taking me to the theme park," Jaina said.

Legolas glanced down at her and smiled. "Of course, My Lady. 'Tis my pleasure."

Jaina pointed. "OOO, look, teddy bears!"

Across the fairgrounds, a pair of beady eyes peered at them through binoculars.

"Aw, crap!" Zekk cursed. "Why does Legolas always get the chicks?!"

"Shaddup," Kyp snapped, "and keep a lookout. We'll make our move when the time is right."

_____________________________________________________________

Padme rested her chin in her hands, and peered across the table at Vader as the band began to strike up music.

"This song is exquisite," she said.

Vader glanced around, then back at her. "Do you.... waltz, Mrs. Skywalker?"

Padme smiled. "But of course."

______________________________________________________________

"All right, partners, grab your lady or man friend and get ready to ho-down!"

Han, Leia, Luke, and Mara all linked arms and began to dance a western dance, drawing applause from the onlookers.

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"They're getting off the ferris wheel," Superman said. "Now's our chance."

"Superman..." Jag said, "that x-ray vision doesn't happen to come in handy when staring at Jaina, does it?"

Superman smiled smugly. "Of course."

Jag grinned. "Radical."

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Chewbacca roared at Threepio as the droid stood in front of the television.

"No, I will NOT move, Chewbacca!" Threepio said. "The laundry stinks, and so do you! Bathe yourself and the family clothes this instant!"

Ben ran out of the utility room, a pair of boxers on his head. Anakin was hot on his heels.

"BEN!" Anakin cried. "GIMME BACK MY LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JORDAN BOXERS RIGHT NOW!!!"

Ben giggled, Artoo whistled in annoyance, Threepio huffed, and Chewbacca roared his rage at having his favorite TV show, "bowling for raw meat", interrupted.

The doorbell rang, and Anakin answered it.

"Hi, Anakin!" Tahiri said. "Wanna hang out? I mean, everything's so quiet and stuff and I thought it might be fun seeing as you're my best friend and everything..."

Just another day at the madhouse.

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"Ani, dear," Padme said weakly, in the middle of a twirl, "I don't feel so good."

Vader grimaced as Padme threw up all over his spiffy leather and vinyl suit.

_________________________________________________________________

"Man, that was fun," Luke said in his Joker voice on the way home. "I haven't had so much excitement since I kicked Batman's butt in episode number 16!"

"Luke, hon, have you ever heard of the term 'over exercised roles'?" Mara asked gently.

_________________________________________________________________

"What in the name of Middle Earth are YOU guys doing here?" Legolas exclaimed.

"It's our turn with Jaina!" Superman said. "I wanna take her and fly away, like I said in my valentine's card!"

"C'mon, everyone, let's line up and take turns kissing Jaina," Kyp suggested. "With me in front, of course."

"No way, man!" Jag said. "I'M in front!"

"Be quiet, all of you," a new voice said.

All of them turned, and saw the Predator. Legolas and the rest of the Rejects screamed and ran away.

"Thanks, P," Jaina said, smiling.

"No prob, kiddo." The Predator's voice soon became very cool and suave. "Hey, it's Valentine's Day, and I'm free..."

Jaina snorted. "Fat chance."

________________________________________________________________

"We're home!" Mara said.

"MOMMY!" Ben cried, throwing himself at his mother.

"Thank God," Anakin muttered.

"What's on the tube, Chewie?" Han asked, flopping down on the couch.

"I'm home now," Jacen said. Jaina was right behind him.

Vader pushed the twins aside and carried a sleeping Padme in.

"If you all are in the least bit loud," he growled, "and my Sweet Angel wakes up from her bedtime, I'll come out here with my lightsaber and cut you all to pieces."

The rest of the evening was very, very quiet.